Friday, 26 October 2007

Hallelujah and pass the gin it's Friday...

You know you are a writer when…

…you are sitting around in your underwear typing and you look up at the clock and realize you have four minutes to get dressed and get to work but finishing the paragraph is way more important than a day job. Anyway a writer can always think up a good excuse for being late.

…the garden you were once proud of makes you wince when you look at it and denial by squinting does not work.

… you hear an interesting name and ask how to spell it as it sounds perfect for your next book

….friends send emails that begin “Once upon a time a friend called and left a message on you machine… and they write a descriptive paragraph telling you to pull your head out and answer your damn phone messages.

… you encourage the voices in your head to keep talking or repeat what they said so you can write it down. They really have to talk slower.

…you are in business meeting and it’s your turn to take the minutes but you cannot hand them in as you owe your publisher first right of refusal and you have written some bloody fantastic stuff that your editor would love.

…friends specifically ask you not to use their embarrassment, love life, problems etc in a book and you cross your fingers behind your back and say “Well of course I wouldn’t dream of doing that”.... while all the time you are thinking they love me, they’ll get over it especially if I make the character drop dead gorgeous.

….you stare at a great male arse and think how would the heroine react to that arse.

So another Friday has come and gone for me. What did I learn this week? Hmmm…nothing. What good did I do this week? Hmmm…nothing. What plans do I have next week? Gee, I can’t say as I hate to be tied down to anything. Did I waste outstanding amounts of work time doing personal stuff? Why yes, I believe I did and I am certain when judgement day comes around I may have explain myself butI'll wing it. Whom did I upset this week? It’s impossible to count that high without taking my shoes off. So tell me, what fabulous thing did you do this week?

And now, once more we visit a land where no one really dies, where umbrellas can kill and quills clack in the breeze…yes, that’s right…it’s the blog saga. Kelly on left us with…

The Mary cleared her throat, tapping her hairy chin, setting the decorative beads to dancing musically. "I believe that decision is left to Great Oz. You know with whom you deal, do you not, Emmeline?"

"No. Do you mean---" she broke off tremulously, "--the Triad?"

I had no idea what Grasshopper was talking about so I went off on another tangent, as I do….

“What Triad?” Sparky asked as she watched the action on the casino security camera.

“Us, they think we’re a Triad.” Oz laughed gleefully. “Even better they think I am great. See what self promotion does for you?”

“But triad means three and there are only two of us.”

“There is Lawrence.”

“Lawrence is a parakeet.” Sparky looked over at the bird swinging on a perch in its cage.

“But they don’t know that. I add Lawrence’s name to every threat I send out.”

“Oh yeah, what’s our latest threat?”

“Let me see.” Oz scrabbled through the messy papers on her desk. “Ah, here it is.” She picked up the Tim Tam stained Threat Schedule Version 2-c-x1.0 and ran her emerald tipped finger down it. “Okay today is Friday 25th so that means we are due to either break Giant Gerald’s legs over a gambling debt or carry out the threat to Rafe and Rinalda.”

“I don’t think I can deal with Gerald today.” Giants bathed only once a week and on a Saturday. As today was only Friday the thought of dealing with a pongy giant did not appeal. “What was the Rafe and Rinalda threat again?”

“We shrink Rafe to the size of a peanut unless Rinalda reveals the secret of the golden carrot.”

“Whoa! Do you think she will do it?” Sparky was in awe that Oz would demand something so audacious. The secret of the golden carrot was the stuff of legends.

“I guess that would depend on how much she likes peanuts.” Lawrence squawked in shock. “I said ‘peanuts’ Lawrence.”

So Anny has a parakeet and a golden carrot to deal with tomorrow. I’ll be honest, I am a bit worried about what she will do with the carrot. Have you read her books? Whoa! However check tomorrow and find out.

Seducing Celestine – released November 2nd 2007 through Ellora's Cave

Celestine Holt has no money, no job, a broken down heap of a car and someone is trying to kill her. Her life sucks. But there is this man…a man that keeps appearing in the moonlight to make love to her. Can he suck the life back into her?
Go ahead: Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?


Brynn Paulin said...

LOL!!! Unfortunately, I was nodding to most of those you know you're a writer ifs. But hey, we have the best profession in the world! Off to get the kids ready for school - they never appreciate 'we only have 4 minutes! Come on!'

Dakota Rebel said...

Fabulous accomplishments this week:
1. Wrote lots for my new book.
2. Posted MANY MANY beautiful men on my blog for everyone to ogle.
3. Read MANY MANY blogs and left comments for everyone to admire my wit.
4. Wasted countless company hours doing the three tasks above.

Not a bad week if I do say so myself.


Kelly Kirch said...

Anny and a carrot. Well, we had this discussion several weeks ago and I believe we reached the decision that juicy fruit was better...and I do not mean the gum.

I love the signs of a writer. You always make me laugh. How about some more...
You are so frequently dressed in your pjs that your family will ask you at dinnertime if you ever bathed that day.
You look upon the piles of laundry gracing your floor as an obstacle course your family NEEDS to stay fit.
You begin to think Ramen is the lost food group and your family should be grateful you located it for dinner.
You seriously contemplate the uses of a golden carrot in your next plot.

Molly Daniels said...

You know you're a writer when you meet someone with an interesting occupation/lifestyle and all of a sudden you're plotting out a fantasy romance featurning his/her character...

What did I accomplish?
1) Sent submission
2) Left comments everywhere and made a new friends;
3) Cheered up several elderly people with the presence of 3 costumed children;
4) Treated 6 people to dinner at McD's last night, not including myself, and sent my niece/oldest daughter back to work with a full stomach. She hadn't eaten since Wed...and this was 8:00 Thurs pm!
5) And finally, watched TV with my mother last night while she scratched my back! I've not had a good backscratch since...who knows??

Anny Cook said...

Signs of a writer... Hmmm. Well you took all the good ones, I think.

1)Never hear the timer because you're deep in the dialogue so the oatmeal burns. I eat a lot of scorched oatmeal..

2)Never leave home without paper and pen so you can jot down the brilliant ideas that came to you when you're doing laundry, grocery shopping, having lunch, driving down the road...

Brilliant move with the carrot. Carrots are so...hard. And long. They had so many possibilities.

barbara huffert said...

Signs of a writer...

Considering taking a job in a half-way house because having former criminals to talk to would be such great research fodder.

Your neighbor who called 15 minutes ago from out front because she locked herself out and wants you to open the door and give her the spare key you have comes around the back of the house and screams under the window where you write because you've forgotten to go let her in.

What I accomplished...

A few tiny baby steps in rediscovering the me I lost. I remebered that I used to like me.

Brynn Paulin said...

Signs of a writer...

As you're running to get the kids from school, you sometimes wonder if you remembered to brush your hair today...if you remember to run and get the kids from school.

Said kids know you will always be late because you were 'working'...

During the sermon at church, you rework the bulletin.

Office Depot knows your name.

You have five books on how to kill someone. They're right next to the eight book on military ops and the twenty-seven on grammar and novel structure.

Your husband knows to wait patiently during foreplay, when you say wait a sec, I have an idea and I have to write it down. They're also not insulted when you run from the room afterward.

Sandra Cox said...

I love the you know you're a writer true.

Dakota Rebel said...

You know you are a writer when:

It is Friday night, you have arranged for a babysitter, you have gone to the store for beer and snacks, you have rented a weeks worth of horror movies, your honey is on the couch watching them....alone. Because you just have to finish this sentence, this paragraph, this chapter, this book, and you will be right there. Promise.


Why does he put up with me?


Bronwyn's Blog said... are pure brilliance - you always make me laugh! Thanks doll!!