Tuesday, 30 October 2007

Big fat lies.....

Last night someone lied to me. No, it did not surprise me. It annoyed me. I have this theory, if you cannot lie well, then don’t. On the whole lies do not bother me if they are for arse covering purposes and no one gets hurt. A lie to help someone or to help yourself is acceptable in my books. Please don’t be shocked but I am not a saint. I lie. In fact I lie very well but I only use my power for good. I am also quite good at it. I suppose some people may think admitting to being a talented liar is a bad thing but then I am not one to worry about what ‘some’ people think of me. If you are wondering, my nose is quite short. I do have a conscience but it only kicks in every so often.

So on to the person who lied to me. It was via email. Most of us can spot a liar by the look in their eye, the sound of their voice and the way they touch their face as they talk. Email is harder but not impossible. This person claimed sole responsibility for an attachment they wanted me to read. They insisted it was all their work and no one else’s. That declaration in itself made me instantly suspicious as why do you have to tell me that so insistently? I clicked once on the document and discovered the name of the person who was actually responsible for it. It was another person I knew. So it was a crap lie. If you are going to claim credit for something wouldn’t you at least save it in your own name first? By all means lie if you want to but lie well. That I can at least admire. Did you ever see the movie Dirty Rotten Scoundrels? I love that movie. That is great lying. As for the credit claimer, I said nothing. I am keeping that knowledge under by hat for another time. I’m a Scorpio. We have long memories.

Today Sara, my overseas counterpart, told the most outrageous lie to save her arse but in turn it got me in trouble. The lie was so massive and complicated and it had so many holes in it that it was obvious it was a lie. The males in my office were baying for my blood. I sat and listened to the crap they espoused about what Sara had said. Then I pointed out all the flaws in her lie. By the time I had finished they were very quiet as they felt foolish for being such dipsticks to believe such a crap tale. I rang Sara, after I shooed them for the office, and told her I was disappointed in her. Covering you arse is one thing but keep your lie simple and plausible and never drag someone else into it. Was I upset by Sara? Sort of. I had been doing my best to corrupt her and that was the best lie she could come up with?

The moral to the story? Does their have to be one? Everyone has their own set of morals. If you are going to lie, make sure you can pull it off, that you keep it simple and you do not hurt anyone else in the process - otherwise forget it. I know, you were thinking I was going to say don’t lie, cheat or swear. I’ll let a good person deliver that sermon. Just think before you open your mouth is all I ask.

The Blog serial

On Kelly left us with….

With disbelieving eyes, Grasshopper watched as a pool a black morass pooled at their feet and they seemed to shrink. They were melting! Were they witches? No! But there was no other explanation. "What the...??"

"Pheeet! Death to all who enter here. Phrrrreeeeet!"

Well Phrrrreeeeet indeed. I have a feeling Kelly made that word up. Anyway my turn....

“So do you think they’re falling for the old-melt-into-the-black-morass trick?” Oz asked as they started dissolving into the quagmire she had created for their escape.

“Who cares? I just think it was a brilliant move for you to pick Rinalda’s pocket and take the map to the location of the golden carrot without her knowing,” Sparky said. “Do you think Lawrence will be able to hold them off?”

“Have no fear of that Lawrence is extremely cunning.”

Lawrence watched the action on screen with an experienced eye. He knew exactly how long it would take Oz to pull off her matter into anti-matter disappearing routine. Now all he had to do was regurgitate the key from his stomach and fly the coop “Woe betide those who do not believe. Phrrrreeeeet!" Who’s a pretty bloody smart parakeet then?

“Oh shut up Lawrence,” The Mary commanded as she beamed in beside his cage. “We all know that Oz is doing her standard disappearing trick again. I saw her nick the map.”

Lawrence spun his head around and sighed. “Oh for god sake Mary you always spoil my fun. I suppose you want the golden carrot too?”

“You know I am the only one that can handle the true power it contains.”

Grasshopper looked at the two of them agog. “You two know each other?”

“We go way back,” she smiled at Lawrence. “Who do you think turned him into a parakeet?”

“Bitch,” Lawrence spat indignantly.

The Mary just smiled. “You deserved it. You were a very naughty boy when you touched me like that.”

What will Anny do tomorrow on Where exactly did Lawrence touch The Mary?

Because I Can - a man, a woman and an elevator. Should what happens in the elevator stay in the elevator or is it just as good on the desk, the floor, the stationery room…out now though Ellora's Cave
Go ahead: Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?


Kelly Kirch said...

Phreeet is indeed made up, but then you knew that already. S'what the buggers sound like.

Because I Can has so many good scenes in it. Aside from the elevator, one of my favs was the interrupted conference call. Power!!

Bad liar here. I know, you are shocked and surprised. I suck at lying so why bother?

Molly Daniels said...

There are some people I have no problem lying to; others, I can't lie to their faces (ie: Best friend! But I can in an email), and there's still another to whom I can't lie to at fact, I'm too honest! We've both been 'brutally honest' with each other since the day we met! And for some crazy reason, we're still good friends after 21 years...

Bronwyn's Blog said...

I have this lovely image in my head of you lecturing all of the boys in your office and them leaving all hangdog. Perhaps you'll get flowers out of it - or better yet, wine. :)

Brynn Paulin said...

I've had someone lying to me via email as of late and it's really pissing me off. Holes larger than those in swiss cheese.

Anyway, good for you standing up to the dipsticks. I'm with Bronwyn. Maybe you'll get alcohol. Sigh. Wouldn't that be nice.

Anny Cook said...

Hmmm. I commented way back on this and guess what!?!?!? I guess it went out into the internet ether somewhere! Argh!

Not much good at lying mostly because it requires too much energy for me to do it well. All those details to remember...

Because I Can was wonderful--ESPECIALLY the EPILOGUE! Go buy and read it! Now!