All a little too Kumbaya...

I saw this picture on someone’s Facebook. Some women were drooling over this guy because he’s pretty and sensitive looking and undoubtedly could sing Kumbaya while he massages a woman’s shoulders as she pours out her woes about how no one but him understands her. All I could think was what a wimp and as ebook heroes go, any heroine would have to look after her own arse with him around. Yes, yes, yes – it’s not all about looks. He’s probably incredibly good at knitting - he's wearing a cardigan for god sake - or maypole dancing or quoting his own sensitive, soul like poetry as he makes potpourri and strums a harp. It also looks like that sensitive, new age, I-care-deeply looking head is photo-shopped on that body. And yes, that happens all the time with ebook covers to make women believe there are Kumbaya men out there.

I guess my main issue with him is that I feel the heroine could beat him up quite easily. He’d, of course, forgive her and maybe make something like chocolate muffins with smiley faces on them to make her feel happy and fulfilled with him being in her life.

Nup, as heroes go, I just can’t see Kumbaya Man cutting it.         

In my defense....

I have this writing mojo thing happening at the moment. Up until now, I have been writing mojo-less due to other life stuff that was more important. Anyway, I was pretty pleased yesterday when I wrote a solid 3000 words at the evil day job. Yes, some could argue that I’m wasting time. But, in my defense  while I have the internet, the corporate joy killers have destroyed all access to Facebook, Hotmail, yahoo mail etc. So, technically, by me looking busy and productive, I’m actually doing them a favour.   

I reckon I have 1000 more words to write to finish today at work. Oh, and I have to get a Gaelic translation. Busy, busy…   

Dolores Diva-Knorktwipple Author…

Dolores Diva-Knorktwipple Author.  I just liked your author page. Please return the favor and like mine at www.facebook.com/ Dolores Diva-KnorktwippleAuthor.

I don’t get the need to have an author page let alone insist that friendship must be returned and like for like given because if one does it all must do it. Seriously? Is it high school or what?

Facebook is great. Friend me. Unfriend me. Whatever. But insist people must like you on a reciprocal basis? Yeah, that’s really friendly. Authors are the worst at it with a seemingly whomever has the most ‘likes’ wins attitude. 

To the Dolores Diva-Knorktwipple Authors out there – I promise I will never ask you to like me so don’t ask me. I prefer people I can talk to on Facebook as opposed to 'like' counters.  

I read this morning…

….a post on facebook asking people to ‘make sure’ they follow author—er, let’s call her Bodice Ripper - because she’s been super busy and has no time to do any author type annoy-the-crap-out-of-you-marketing…okay, yeah, it just said ‘marketing’ but the ‘annoy-the-crap-out-of-you’ part is also very true because that’s what writers like to do - buy my book, squeeeee (still not and never will be a grown up word) buy my book, squeeeee, insert link, book review from writer friend, squeeeeee….the number of ‘eee’s’ indicate the desperation level to sell the book. I find it rather tacky that someone – either a person or a third party insists you follow them. My thoughts? If I don’t know you I’m not gonna follow you. And you lack time to do marketing? That’s not a reader’s problem is it? And don’t even get me started on facebook nongheads who add you to groups to follow some author diva you never heard of or dump junk on your page to get others to follow them...that gets you an instant un-friend on facebook.

Facebook – it’s the huge social media monster in the corner in a lot of people’s lives. Writers, who use it properly, can benefit from it. Put no effort in or expect others to do the work for you because you’re too busy? Who isn’t busy on the planet?

They're everywhere....

I got in trouble on facebook for showing the cover of Sinner. Why? Her nipple was clearly visible…apparently we can forget the fact that a man is between her legs…er…looking for maybe his car keys…it was the nipple that caused a spak out with facebook. Yes, I respect they have rules about nudity. But this is a nipple. Lift up your shirt. Most of us have them. They’re not new or obscene and I expect future generations will continue to have them. I think what interests me most is as a society a large percentage of people want to read the forbidden and be titillated – pardon the pun – by all things erotic – but for god sake – don’t put it on a cover! It has to be hidden behind a generic photo of a hero and heroine in the standard romantic clinch. Isn’t it far better to have a cover, like Sinner, which other than the ‘terrible’ nipple is the standard clinch photo, that is actually honest and reflects what the story is like inside? Or do we hide behind what is proper because others say so? And is a nipple less a nipple when covered by a sheer layer of fabric? Or does advertising or Hollywood sanitize nipples?

Anybody but a naked body…

I have this rule…well, not really a rule as I’m not big on rules...so let’s call it something I do when it comes to accepting friends on Facebook. As long as you are not naked in your profile photo or send me naked pictures of yourself – i.e. naked men who really should be wearing clothes because in their case clothes do maketh the man and there are only specific men I want to see naked - then we can be Facebook friends. I’ve met so many fascinating people on Facebook who I correspond with regularly and I like to sit in the morning and read about what everyone is doing over my coffee. It’s like a global newspaper. I mention the Amarinda-accept-no-naked-friends-clause as a person I actually am acquainted with in my life called me yesterday and said ‘I’ll send it to your Facebook email address.’ He had to point out to me that I had accepted his friendship the other day. Okay – yep – I checked. I did accept it because he wasn’t naked. See? Clothed males I accept without qualms. I just have to slow down and pay more attention.

Why the Monkees? I heard this song yesterday and I remembered how much I liked it...simple as that.

Amarinda Jones
Penn Halligan
www.amarindajones.com
www.amarindajones.blogspot.com
Be daring...read an Amarinda book

Things I know…

…if we all walked around naked we wouldn’t have to do so much laundry on a Saturday
…it is classless and tacky to join someone, without their consent, to a facebook page.
…the ‘leave this group’ button is on the right hand side of the page
…need is bad. It should be de-programmed in our minds.
…the anally retentive are always among us
…mate, in Far North Queensland mate you can use mate in a sentence twelve times mate and it’s acceptable mate. Okay mate?
…and it’s ok if you can’t do the Vulcan hand salute – I can – come stand beside me and we’ll avoid an international crisis if we meet a Vulcan.

Amarinda Jones
Penn Halligan
www.amarindajones.com
www.amarindajones.blogspot.com
Be daring...read an Amarinda book

Messy...

You break up with a lover. It’s messy, mean and awkward – so why would you keep them on facebook as a friend? And why would you have a public fight with them that everybody enjoys gossiping and emailing others about? If you kicked the lover to the curb then kick ‘em off facebook…unless you like the drama. Maybe that’s it. Drama and sympathy. Messy…I hope it’s worth it.

Amarinda Jones
Penn Halligan
www.amarindajones.com
www.amarindajones.blogspot.com
Be daring...read an Amarinda book

Beg me back and the restraining order is yours…

From my facebook page. It was an advert down the side. If you’re over 40 on facebook, the adverts are designed to make you feel desperate and dateless and willing to throw yourself at any man or they’re about being fat and how to lose weight. Apparently if you’re over 40 your life is a complete mess. Good to know. I hadn’t realized that.

http://www.exboyfriendguru.com/index2.html?hop=mvs1961

“Proven psychological tips and tricks to ensure your ex-boyfriend will be begging for you back.”

Click on the link or not. Basically it’s this salesperson crapping on about how you can get a man back through his suspect wisdom.

If you have to resort to paying nongs like this for ‘psychological’ tricks to have someone back in your life then what does that say about you? If you’re following this ‘guru’s’ advice then I believe the problem is yours and not the man you’re on the verge of stalking. Love is great – restraining orders are messy and handcuffs probably chafe your wrists. Get a grip. Move on.

Amarinda Jones
Penn Halligan
www.amarindajones.com
www.amarindajones.blogspot.com
Be daring...read an Amarinda book