So, there's this box of chocolates...

So, I had to do this online cognitive evaluation test for this job thing. What a load of crap it was. I believe Einstein would have declared it bollocks. The word association stuff was fine. The “which shape out of 57 different shapes match the 6 at the bottom and the two on the left side test” was stupid but okay. The math questions? Oh for  god sake I don’t care how many miles or oranges or people it takes to fill a balloon or swim backstroke balancing a pen on one’s nose or who out of Johnny and Billy eats faster and therefore will be able to go to football practice one day a week, please guess that day.

Example –

The math teacher is going to buy a box of chocolates to hand out to her students for good behaviour.  She has 15 students. Six are exceptionally good and always do what they’re told. Three are bad students who smoke joints. Three regularly fall asleep in on their desk.  Four lack any aptitude for algebra.  The last student speaks little English.  

My answer –

First of all, the math teacher has 15 students not the 17 in the problem.  I’m not sure on the health and safety legislative requirements of her handing out food in light of food tampering, peanut allergies and why is she trying to tempt them? The six good ones are suck ups and would, given the right amount of pressure from the three bad students, hand over their chocolates so buying for them is moot. The ones asleep on the desk? Problem solved, they get nothing in the you-snooze-you-lose-scheme of life. The four who suck at math will undoubtedly be the most interesting people to come out of the school and would view chocolate as a bribe and would use that information against the teacher later if she pissed them off.  The kid who can’t speak English? He’s in the wrong classroom so feeding him chocolate will only make him want to come back.

Total number of chocolates to hand out without violating any laws is just a box for the teacher to have with her after class vodka.

So, I gave my answer. It came back I was above the average, intelligent and a leader. See? The kids who suck at algebra always rule.