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Monday, 21 January 2008

Celebrate cellulite...


Kelly www.kkirch.blogspot.com tagged me for something called a me-me. There are rules involved. You have to say 6 quirky things about yourself and you have to tag someone else. Damn shame I don’t do rules.

Cellulite

I have cellulite. Shock, horror, gasp - and you know what? I’m not worried about it. Why? Because, in the scheme of all the things I have to worry about in life, looking at my backside and thighs in the mirror and agonizing over them is not even in my top 50 concerns. See the thing is, I can exercise and eat properly but to my mind there is not a magic wand to get rid of cellulite. I know there are lots of whiz bang products on the market that are supposed to banish the stuff but none of them will keep it away forever. You see, being

women that's what happens. We have cellulite and any woman that says she doesn’t is a man. It’s not fair that we have it. It’s not right when we have PMS, periods and let’s not forget bloody chin hairs that begin to sprout the older you get - but life happens. To my mind cellulite is part of the whole deal about being a woman. So I look at it like this –

-Dimples are good – look how popular Shirley Temple was.
-If you fall down the cellulite on your arse instantly allows you to rebound back
- You are in trapped in the wilderness with no food – no problem you can live off the fatty deposits you have for months while the men around you perish – ha!
- Extra fat stores keep you warm in winter
- Having cellulite gives you the ability to bond with other women
- Fertility goddess have been carved and worshipped for centuries. They are covered in fat, dimpled flesh. By having cellulite we are carrying on a noble tradition of being worshipped. You don't want to mess with tradition do you?

As for the creams, rollers, exercises and pills to rid cellulite, I liken it to the issues some men have with penis size. Some things just are what they are. I would suggest if a man likes your smile, you face and your sense humour but is horrified by your cellulite then I suggest he is not the man for you. Don’t allow him the privilege of being with you. Cellulite is forever – superficial men aren’t worth forever. Think about it, if cellulite is the worst thing in your life you’re doing okay.

Marlow’s Curse – The blurb
Legend has it that if a St Michael witch is not willing no man can take her without suffering the consequences. Sybylla is the last St Michael witch. She knows that when a St Michael witch falls in love her lover becomes her weakness and the witch becomes his downfall. Sybylla will not allow her fate to destroy a man. But some men are hard to resist.


Marlow is not just any man. He is a vampire, cursed centuries ago to wander aimlessly through life believing he does not deserve more. When he meets Sybylla one moonlit night two lonely worlds collide. Marlow is aware of the legend but that doesn’t mean he is going to let a myth get in the way of deep enduring passion.

But Marlow is not the only one who wants Sybylla. A demon pursues her wanting vengeance and Scar will stop at nothing to make her pay. Will Sybylla sacrifice her own future happiness to vanquish the demon and save Marlow? Can a willing witch and a cursed vampire beat the odds?

A moment from Marlow’s curse…

“And who might you be you rat-faced individual?” Scar yelled at the weedy looking demon who stood before him. The man looked like a rat and smelled like a rat. But Scar knew all lower order demons were rat-like in their cunning and actions. They could never be trusted. But then neither could Scar.
“My name is Ratchet and I am yours to command sire.” Ratchet’s voice was ingratiating as he looked at the ugly, scarred demon before him.
“Why would I need you?” Scar lashed out and struck the lower order demon and sent him flying across the room. “You are clearly a weakling.” Scar needed power and brawn to aid him, not sniveling sycophants.
“Because you have no one else.” Ratchet said pointing out the obvious as he got to his knees and faced the demon he planned to call his master for the moment. Plans changed as power changed. Even a demon had to be flexible.Scar hated the fact that this little creep was right. He had no one else to answer his call. He had lost all credibility and supporters when that witch had damn near


destroyed him in that fire. No one took him seriously now. If it was possible to be a joke in the demon world, then he was it. He did not want friends as demons did not have friends, but he wanted respect not amusement at his own expense. But that would soon change. He was back stronger than ever and looking for swift payback.
“I am looking for a witch.” If this rat-man could help him then why not use him? He could always kill him later. Besides, at the moment Scar had no other options.
“The St Michael witch that burned you?” Ratchet made sure he kept well away from the meaty fist of the demon as he spoke. His skill was in his cunning not in brute strength.
“Yes,” Scar hissed in anger. “I want to kill her.”
“I can help you with that.”
“How could you, the scum of the earth, help me?” Scar looked at him in contempt for even daring to think he could be of use to him.
“I can move freely above ground and find her. I am not as…noticeable as you.” Ratchet put his hand to his face casually, trying not to make it obvious that he was covering his nose against the stench of rotting flesh coming from his new master.
That Scar smelled like a rotten corpse did not worry him. That was not his problem. But the rat-faced man had a point. Scar knew his grotesque face stood out too much to fit in with the crowd of pasty-faced humans above ground. Demons dwelled in the underworld. A hazy, sulphur-smelling netherworld that was only one level above hell. He fit in there. Not that he cared what the earthbound mortals thought of his face. They were nothing to him. But he could not seek out the witch without drawing too many questions. He did not want her warned. Scar wanted to take her when she least expected it. Like she took him.

So, we know Kelly tagged me for the me-me thing…crazy girl…as for Anny on www.annycook.blogspot.com I have no idea what will be on her blog but it will be wise, emotional, heart felt and funny – and that’s all in the first sentence.

www.freewebs.com/amarindajones/
Go ahead: Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

6 comments:

Anny Cook said...

Ahhh, I feel so much better. That little goddess figure is exactly what I look like--especially the curly hair.

Kelly Kirch said...

Good line: Any woman who doesn't have cellulite is a man.

I did my part by tagging. Guess that's all I need. Marlow sounds so different from your others. Is this the "deep" one? I want to read Mirabelle first but this is another good one, AJ. Excellent.

Molly Daniels said...

I think 'Seducing Celestine' is next in the rotation and the List.

I like the line about if a man can't love you, cellulite and all, then he's not the one for you.

Bronwyn's Blog said...

Ooooohhhh - love the excerpt. This looks wonderful!

Sandra Cox said...

Looks like another great read, Amardina! Kudos to you!

lyntaylor said...

D'oh! I've been beaten to it again. I was going to tag you but I think I'll just go with what you've already done for Kelly LOL! Sheesh, you've got to be one the ball, eh!