Tuesday, 29 January 2008

Tuesday Stuff...

Current Contest…

Finmctionwere – what does this mean? I write these obscure abbreviated notes to myself as I am writing. I saw this one today. What was I thinking? It’s obviously some brilliant abbreviation for some fantastic idea I had but I will never know. So – leave a comment on this blog (with your email address) with what you think Finmctionwere means and the answer I like best will receive the first copy of Shades of Gray when it is released 6th February through Ellora’s Cave. The competition closes at midnight (USA EST) Thursday 31st January and the winner will be announced on Friday 1st February’s blog. Enter as many times as you like. If you are under Witness Protection and don’t want everyone knowing your email address then by all means email your answer to me on


As part of this new job I had to go and pee in a cup. Why? To see how healthy I am. This company requires a medical. Whatever – someone else is paying then I’ll turn up. While I was waiting at the medical centre, I took in the people in the waiting room – fascinating. There was the tallest man I have ever seen in my life, a man that had to be a cover model with the

trashiest, tattooed woman on his arm, a young girl with the top of her g-string showing in the god awful way they do and a man who sat beside me and giggled as he played cards on his mobile phone. Yes, I always get the weirdo gigglers beside me…just lucky. Anyway, I am healthy. I knew that but it if makes the powers that be happy who am I to wreck their tinpot kingdoms?

Ida, my car is still not fixed, contrary bitch that she is, needs certain frigging fuse type wiring thingys. Hopefully tomorrow. I am driving a tad illegally at the moment. Thankfully I don’t have a conscience or I would be screwed up with guilt.

Lots of talk on all the blogs about whether to e-book or not. You know what? Because most of us live in a democracy I suggest you exercise your right to choose how you will read a book. I know it’s a crazy, wild, quirky idea but do what you are comfortable with.

Had a run in with the local check-out chick at the petrol (gas – for non Antipodeans). She was having a bad day – stand in line I say – and she had stuffed up this poor woman’s charges before me. A total balls up. Anyway, the check-out chick was getting angry at the customers for breathing and by the time she got to me she was ready to try it on (translation – make the unfortunate mistake of thinking I will take crap from her). Let’s just say when she rolled her eyes and sighed dramatically at me for daring to pay cash instead of with plastic and for declining her sales pitch of “you can get two bottles of milk for $3.00 if you read the sign properly” - I went her (translation - you poor sod). I explained to her the basic principles of customer service and explained that I could out attitude her any day of the week-so try it on and die and that if she wanted to keep all her manners in her arse then maybe she needed another job. The two men behind me laughed and I heard cheering. She went bright red and I asked for her managers name. Nah, I didn’t going to dob (tattle) on her – just wanted to scare the sullen cow.

On Kelly left us with…

"Uh huh. I asked you for the Complete Guide to an Ox's Welfare and you brought me here? I need the Guide for the Tourmaline Chalice," she thundered. "Listen, humanoid boy, I am tired of the cross-galactic goose chase. Give the the Guide."

"I cannot give you what is not mine to give."

"Bugger that. You are as cryptic as the Jones girl's mother. Well naming and the like."

"Who do you think taught her all she knows. No, not me. I wasn't born yet. Sheesh, lady I'm only eight. My grandfather taught her all those nifty and neat-o sayings. But it stands to reason I cannot turn over to you what is not owned by me. So you listen now, The Complete Guide to an Ox's Welfare contains the wisdom you require. Find him, find the legend that is the Tourmaline Chalice."

I’m going with….

Meanwhile, the real Emmeline, and not the mind projection she had used to throw Zoltan and Pete off track, had found the real Tortunga – Beryl Tortunga, waitress at Lenny’s Diner.

“So you want the power of the chalice?” Beryl blew a big pink bubble in Emmeline’s direction

“Yes, what do I have to do?” Ride a frigging goat backwards? Stand on one foot and balance a pen on my nose while I recite the Gettysburg Address?

“Here.” Beryl slammed down a plate of mashed potato down in front of Emmeline.

“Uh huh…” What the?

“The answer lies within the mash.”

Emmeline thumped her fist on the table. “Why can’t you people just give me the bloody answer without all the dramatics?”

“My game, my rules.” Beryl looked pleased with herself. “I will warn you that somewhere in that plate of spuds is a long sharp needle.”

“Yes – obvious frigging place for one.” Emmeline rolled her eyes.

“If you find the answer it will unlock the power of the chalice – feel the prick of the needle and you will be set on a quest of self discovery.”

“I already know enough about myself.” Too much sometimes.

“Sometimes you cannot choose you destiny,” Beryl responded mystically.

“And sometimes you can.” Emmeline upended that plate on the table, picked up a fork and smushed the potato around.

“That’s cheating!” Beryl stamped her foot in anger.

“Whinge, bitch moan,” Emmeline muttered. She saw the needle - nasty. What did the answer look like? “Oh it can’t be.” She picked the small item up on the fork and looked at it closely.

What lies in the mashed potato? Anny will have the answer – or not on tomorrow.
Go ahead: Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self


Phoenix said...

Please please please wear a pin camera as you go about your day. There are moments in your everyday life I would KILL to see.

Anny Cook said...

Peeing in a cup is one of the low points in a woman's life. What part of "we don't have the equipment to do that" do they not understand?

Geez, what the heck and I gonna find in the mashed potatoes? I must go away and think about this.

Sandra Cox said...

LOL. You're the only person I know who could make peeing in a cup and waiting in a check-out line sound interesting:)

Bronwyn Green said...

Hell yeah - you could have Amarinda's Bitch-Slap of the day - it would be a beautiful thing.