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Saturday, 12 January 2008

Saturday in the Suburbs...


Quote of the day--
"About all you can do in life is be who you are." -- Rita Mae Brown

I don’t get it…

I was hanging out the washing this morning and the dog next door was barking at whatever. Anyway the owner of said yappy dog came out and said to the dog in a calm, scolding-a- naughty-child type voice – You really must stop this, Lily.” I assume Lily was the dog or there was something else going on that I missed. Lily, the dog, barked furiously at her owner’s voice. The owner then said “Really, this behaviour will not do.” Bark, bark, bark. “Now come on, you’ve have your fun, be a good girl and show mummy how quiet you can be.” Bark, bark, bark. “Lily, I am becoming very disappointed in you.” Bark, bark, bark. Huh? Forgive my non-pet owning ignorance – though I did have Marlene the goldfish for seven years but she didn’t bark she mainly looked bored – but is it likely Lily the dog is going to say – “Forgive me, you’re quite right. I lost my head and I apologize for barking. What a nuisance I am. I am embarrassed by my actions. I will be quiet now.” It just fascinates how this person expected a dog that cannot understand English to understand her ‘disappointment.’ I am sure dogs respond to tone of voice. Maybe Lily did understand and was secretly pleased to have a chance to piss her owner off. Maybe Lily thought – I’ll made her pay for putting this crap collar on me or feeding me chicken when I wanted beef and what’s with having to pee outside when everyone else pees inside?


I was reading the multi-talented Brynn Paulin’s blog – Writing at the Speed of Life - and I realized just how obsessed I am with water. You know when you’ve been in a drought when you are horrified when someone mentions shaving their legs in the shower and you cannot contemplate how you can get that done in the four minutes you are restricted to. And before you think Brisbane is overrun by shagging legged women…hmm, though in some suburbs…we’re not. We’re just really conscious not to run taps as we do it. Everything in Australia seems to revolve around water. In Brisbane we have had some rain – yay – it has taken the damn levels from 15% to 25% capacity. Everyone is very excited. Sure, 25% capacity is not much but we are lucky. We are not living in a 3rd world country suffering drought, disease and poverty.

By the way, on a lighter, non-water related note – Brynn has a new, hot book – Master Me – out now. Go to her blog and check it out.

Just finished reading – Crazy for The Cowboy – Cindy Spencer Pape – an excellent sweet, sexy romance with a cowboy. Check it out on - http://www.thewildrosepress.com/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=141&products_id=378


Okay, I have a big nasty lurker somewhere in my bedroom. I just know it’s going to pounce tonight. What am I talking about? When I brought the clean laundry in, I was too slack arsed to fold the clean sheets so I just re-used the same ones. Anyway as I made the bed the biggest, frigging spider I have ever seen was on one of the sheets. I flicked the sheet and sent the spider flying though the air and someone in my bedroom. Duh! Head slap. I would like to think he has taken the hint and moved on but I just know he’s going appear when I least expect. Spiders don’t scare me. I just prefer they don’t run up my leg when I’m asleep. Years ago I once woke up to see a big arsed spider crawling up the sheets towards my face. I slammed back the covers, jumped out of bed and then tried to kill it with deodorant – first thing I grabbed. The spider stumbled away shaking either through shock or it was laughing hysterically – not sure which. Tonight unless this spider morphs into Spiderman, he’s going down.


A Shades of Gray moment…released 6th February – warning adult content

“Oh for God’s sake put some clothes on Swerve,” Temperance snapped as she walked into her living room to find a naked red-headed man wandering around her house. She had just come from dealing with supposed vampires and knee trembling sex with a surprise cop. She was sated, pissed off and confused. Temperance did not need to add any naked men to the equation. Her day, apart from one outstanding moment with the sexy cop, had been crap. Seeing her housemate’s naked, spaced-out boyfriend just added to it.
“Oh, hey sorry, Tempster.” Swerve smiled with childlike sweetness at her as he sat down the on sofa.

“Now. Put your clothes on now.” Temperance had to keep reminding herself that when Swerve was stoned to the eyeballs, she had to tell him a specific time frame with each order directed at him.
“Oh right—okay.” Swerve got up and drifted off into his girlfriend’s bedroom.

“Fucking pothead,” Temperance muttered to herself in exasperation. She liked Swerve but there were times when she saw more than enough—quite literally—of her housemate’s boyfriend. Swerve’s real name was Steven or Simon or something conventional that started with an “S”. Temperance expected in twenty years from now this retro love child would be some rich corporate mogul and people would think her lucky that she had to chance to see him naked. She watched as he went, his cock bouncing jauntily out of a forest of red pubic hair.

“Lucky? I don’t think so,” Temperance muttered to herself as she watched his firm white butt leave the room. “Scary stuff that.” She looked at her sofa. Every time she even thought to sit on it, she refrained, knowing that some part of Swerve’s naked anatomy had been on it.

Temperance sighed and went into the kitchen where she found her blonde, beautiful housemate Cat making sandwiches. Temperance looked down and shuddered when she saw the sandwich filling. Cheese, chocolate syrup, lettuce, banana, peanut butter and rainbow sprinkles on wholegrain. Disgusting? Yes. Unusual? No, not really. It was all pretty much par for the course for the free-spirited Cat Peterson. Cat did things because they felt right to her. And unlike her hapless boyfriend, thankfully Cat was clothed in a bright orange sarong. She smiled at Temperance in a glazed way.

“Your brain is going to rot if you keep smoking that weed Cat.” What would it be like to be so mellow and not worried about being in control? Cat would have sex because it felt good and she would not think more than that after it. Unfortunately Temperance was not wired that way.

“You want a happy sandwich Temp?”

Anny has the next installment of the blog serial on www.annycook.blogspot.com. She is also talking fridge magnet philosophy. I love fridge magnets. Kelly is talking about crocheting bed jackets for mice or the healing power of lentils…or maybe not on www.kkirch.blogspot.com

www.freewebs.com/amarindajones/
Go ahead: Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

6 comments:

Anny Cook said...

Oh, I know someone like Swerve! Yeah, they're so laid back they're flat. I with Temperance and the naked butt on the couch. Ewwww!

Sandra Cox said...

My husband does that with our dog. "Now, Maggie, be a good girl." sigh. Actually they can be taught a limited vocabulary.
Have a good one, Ms. Amarinda.

Kelly Kirch said...

I'm right there with you on the dog thing. Nuts.

I laughed at the spider/deoderant story. In college I was taking a shower one day and a giant spider climbed up the shower stall. I splashed it but really didn't want it swooshing toward me on its way down the drain. The next nearest tool, my shaving gel. I squirted him and he became completely incased in pink gel, adhered to the wall. Like a pretty little jewel. From then on, I experimented. Hairspray IS FANTASTIC!! at that sort of thing.

Molly Daniels said...

My 'close encounter' with a spider ocurred on our swimgset. I was hanging upside down, convinced I was going to be the next aerialist at the circus when a huge one drifted down in front of me. I screamed, swatted at him, and when I pulled myself up, he landed on my bare leg. Still screaming, I tried to both swat and shake my leg, forgetting my perch on the little bar. I fell off, landing on my head, but when I stood up, there was no sign of the spider, thankfully...I'd either sent him flying or he/she/it was laughing at me hysterically.

Anonymous said...

I think with the dog thing, if you were to yell blue murder at the dog all you would get is the RSPCA on your doorstep. So we have to sound like loving owners purely for the neighbours benefit ;)
As for the spiders. There would be no way I'd be sleeping in that room knowing there was a spider on the loose. My husband likes to try to kill spiders with hairspray and glen 20 surface spray - WTF? LOL.

I must say that I've been blessed with spider x-ray vision. I swear to the lord above that I can walk into a room and within seconds I'll spot the huntsman on the wall. It can even be dark and I'll still spot the damn thing LOL! Freaky. Same goes for cockroaches which seem to love our house. Damn things are as big as boats! I'm surprised the house hasn't got up and walked away with all the crawlies we have here. Anyway, that's my 2 cents worth. Can't wait to get back to my puty :(

Cheers,
LynT

Mona Risk said...

Of course Lily understands English. My Wendy understood English AND French. The first time our son in law came to visit and heard me telling Wendy, "Viens ma chérie," he looked at my daughter in dismay. "You better teach me some nice words. I feel at a disadvantage if Wendy can understand French and I don't."

BTW you are very brave AJ not to be afraid of spiders. I bet you can all hear me screaming when a spider visits.