Wednesday, 12 January 2011

The Heaving Bosoms Publishing Company…

I got my October royalty statement from the Heaving Bosoms Publishing Company. As a company they couldn’t organize a root in a brothel and they’re as dodgy as a two bob watch. And trustworthy? That would be an ‘oh hell no’. So, I generally view their statements with great skepticism. Usually the statements are black and white and the names of all the books I have though the HBP and how they were sold are listed. It should be simple. Other publishers manage it without all the ineptitude of the Bosom people.

This latest statement was a really pretty one. All the ‘mistakes’ were highlighted in yellow – a whole page worth and the total’s of the mistakes were all in bright red. How the hell am I supposed to know what the real figures are? Now, just throwing this out there – having worked in accounts for a very long time - when I see graphic mistakes like this from a supposedly professional company I have to wonder are their accounts people on crack? Why on earth would they send a statement out highlighting to me how hopeless they are when I already don’t trust them and this technicolor vomit sheet of errors is something I would expect from a 10 year old in math class. Are they professional? That would again be an ‘oh hell no.’ How is it they can’t produce error free accounts? I’ve done it. It’s not hard if you pay attention, be accurate and don’t drink or do drugs at work.

So, now I have to waste my time trying to work out the statement of yellow and red mistakes and then email them and query their drug use and their ability to both add up and give the true figures. Maybe I should bill them for my time?

*Organize a root in a brothel – root = bonk or fuck depending on your sensibilities

*Dodgy as a two bob watch – dodgy = cheap and suspect

Amarinda Jones
Penn Halligan
Be an Amarinda book