Wednesday, 18 June 2008

Out there…

How much do you put yourself out there? Are you an all or nothing person or are you happy to sit and watch and see what happens? Do you get nervous when you are the focus of attention or can you get up and speak to a crowd of strangers without batting an eyelid?

Something came up this morning that had me thinking. How much do you put do you put yourself out there? What I mean by that is do you feel compelled to do or be or act a certain way because others do? Do you think 'crap they are doing XYZ - maybe I should'. Or are you the sort of person who prefers to stay in the background and let things happen as they do? Is being shy, quieter or more private a bad thing? Do you think those qualities would make it less likely that you would not achieve your ambitions?

Why I ask is that I wonder how much more the louder people actually get? I'm don’t consider myself loud. I am certainly very pushy if I want something but in the same token I can also sit back and watch and wait for something to come to me. Often, I will hear people telling everyone this is what they want, this is how they will get it and basically 'look at me’ now that I have it. I don't know about you but that turns me off. Great – be successful but have some manners and sensibility to those around you who may not either give a rat’s arse or are struggling in life. To me, I feel there is an insensitivity about the 'look at me' people. I wonder if it's because they are basically insecure and trying to push themselves forward in an effort to be seen or whether they do not care how brash and offensive they come across. Recently one person in particular has made me feel this way. I cringe every time I hear from them. They are so loud that I don't think they can hear what they are saying. Yeah, we're all looking at you but not in envy or awe. I am pleased you are successful but tone it down. Sour grapes? No, I am ridiculously happy how far I have come in my life and life is too short for that crap.

Yes, you have to sell yourself in lots of things but I think sometimes we oversell or pass our use by date or simply get marked down because people are not interested in the product. And that's the whole crux of what I am rambling about - create interest but don’t annoy the crap out of people. That requires a delicate balance. I think some people do it very well. They have the mix of humanity, charisma and appeal that others are responsive to. Would that we could all learn a lesson from these people. Maybe I'll try being less pushy, maybe not. But I hope someone tells me to get off the stage when it's my time to leave.

So is silence golden? I think it depends. I think it can be incredibly restful and peaceful and some people know how to use it to their advantage and to others. Other times it can put you on edge - but then maybe that's what the silence is mean to do. People - are they fascinating or what?

Someone is leaving work and people want me to attend a farewell party. My answer – oh hell no. I cannot stand this person. But the food is free. So? The alcohol is free. There is not enough alcohol on the planet to get me to attend. I do not see the point of going to something if you cannot stand the person. Am I glad she is going? Oh hell yeah. I cannot wait to see the back of her. So, with the dislike in mind, why would I go to a farewell party for her? Smacks of hypocrisy. To go would indicate I care. I don’t. And the argument that everyone else is going is not going to sway because I don’t jump of the proverbial cliff because everyone else does. Why do people feel free food is an enticement? Nothing is free. Everything has a cost and personally I don't sell myself so cheap.

I went grocery shopping after work. Well, that was the plan. I had the list in my hand and I was aiming for the supermarket but I was magnetically pulled towards the sales. Sad thing is I can’t remember when I bought new clothes. No, it’s not because I’m cheap. I tend to buy classic clothes that do not date and I look after them. So I bought stuff in the winter sales…yeah, funny, barely winter in Oz and everything is marked down. Jeez it would piss you off if you bought it last week for full price.

Someone sent me this today…I pulled out the overly gooey bits….I believe what is left is true and won’t give you a sugar rush.

1. There are at least two people in this world that you would die for.

2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.
3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just l like you.
4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.
5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.
6. You mean the world to someone.
7. You are special and unique.
8. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.
9. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.
10. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take another look.
11. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.
Go ahead: Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?


Sandra Cox said...

Thought provoking as always. Good blog.
Love the roses and the important to someone:)

Anny Cook said...

I like the list very much. Think I'll copy it and print it out as it's something to think about.

Katie Reus said...

Good for you, not going to the party. Seriously, a few free crab cakes or cheese cubes or whatever isn't worth selling yourself out.

I never do something b/c it's what I 'should' do. Who the hell makes that rule anyway? I do something b/c it's what I want to do. I'm fairly quiet (though not particularly shy) and I definitely prefer to stay in the background, but I don't think that has anything to do w/ not achieving success, etc. in life.

Anika Hamilton said...

I am more of a sit back and watch person myself.

I also wonder about the selling yourself bit. Being a new author I wonder how much is too much, and how little is too little. I have been doing very little of the emailing, yahooing, and other such advertising stuff, mostly because it is overwhelming and I feel it is triggering my claustrophobia. I have decided to do the wait and see game (a more reactive approach for now).

Molly Daniels said...

I'm a quiet type who prefers to remain in the background. But I've also noticed that if I'm stressed or insecure at a function, I'll do a 180 in my personality. Sometimes I probably come off as slightly rude. And other times, I've been known to be an 'ice-breaker' and people lighten up a little. It all depends on the confidence level.

barbara huffert said...

I'm often shy to the point where it's mistaken for stuck-up bitch. Not always a bad thing because it can be used to my advantage as needed.

Great list.

Jacquéline Roth said...

I have no problem speaking in front of large groups.

You know, I think perspective is the point here. Some people are sorry their leaving, I'm here to celebrate and make sure you really DO go.

Unknown said...

Cool new blog look.

I'm glad you're you.

Regina Carlysle said...

I used to speak up a lot but I'm better at listening now, maybe because I'm older now and don't feel the need to talk about my crap. I'm considered outgoing and friendly, but crowds make me very uncomfortable. I'm with you on the hypocrisy stuff. Free food couldn't tempt me, if I really didn't want to be there.

LynTaylor said...

Oooh I got that email too :D

Personally I hate putting myself 'out there'. I hate being centre of attention. Can't handle it at all. I'm probably considered stand-off-ish but it's more shyness. I honestly have no idea how to start or keep a conversation going. Especially if it's not necessarily something I know about or am interested in. I like to hang back and listen.