Sunday, 1 June 2008


On page 9 of The Sunday Mail – in Brisbane – if you’re not in Brisbane then you probably won’t have it..... bummer…anyway on page 9 there is this man who is, I am sure, going to cop a lot of flack from anyone he comes in contact with. Why? Well it seems he is very busy – so busy in fact he wants to hire a ‘virtual wife.’ I don’t whether to feel appalled or just sorry for him as he really does not seem to have a clue when it comes to women in 2008. I think he wants a woman from the 1950’s or possibly a Stepford wife. His requirements for a ‘virtual wife’ – quote –

“So you need to be humble enough to do my washing as well as savvy enough to make appointments with professional people.”

Golly, do you think a woman can be trusted to do both?

You must be able to clean my bedsheets….You must be able to stack my fridge and cupboards….you must be able to put the wheelie bins out and bring them in.”

Sorry…pardon me while I laugh my arse off…

Hmmm…other requirements are “ironing, shopping, making lunch and dinner, and preparing food menus for his cat.” Well…that’s what a wife does, doesn’t she? What other purpose has she? Funny, sad and probably lonely boy. Naturally all the rad fems are up in arms and rightly so. Sometimes it seems like we haven’t come far enough if there are still men like this being produced in this day and age.

Yep, so he’s busy. Who isn’t? Men and women alike are busy. It’s not a gender based thing nor is it confined to the single or the married/partnered. But like most busy people you find ways to pay someone to do the washing and ironing and look after pets if they can’t without needing a 'virtual' someone – or – gasp – you make time to do it yourself. Why does he have to hire a ‘virtual wife?’ Why not hire a man to do the same job? A lot of men are quite capable of fulfilling all his requirements. So why a woman? Does she have to look a certain way? The whole things smacks of ignorance. Sure, go and hire someone Sonny Jim but take the ‘wife’ bit out of your advert as you clearly do not understand women. Sandra Bullock is apparently his ideal woman. Gee, I have a feeling Sandra would not be waiting obediently at home with his pipe and slippers with a well fed cat at her heels and dinner on the table….

Comment on yesterday’s blog…

I wonder, do books become classics because they were controversial at the time they were written? Does that mean we'll be designated as classics in another 200 years? Think Cliff's descendants will have a little more fun summarizing us?
Barbara Huffert

You know, I was thinking about this and I wondering how someone from the Cliffs Notes people would summarise erotica books.

Chapter 1 – introduction of characters – they get naked and have sex – explicit terms are used to describe his ‘love muscle’ and her ‘flowered centred’.
Chapter 2 – characters have sex every where and any how while sub plot is added to make it less like a book where people are just having sex and spending ridiculous amounts of money on condoms.

Chapter 3- characters realize they may actually have more in common than sex – they also enjoy bondage/spanking and maybe are not averse to ménage.
Chapter 4 – threat from bad guy or similar while main characters still going at it like rabbits despite the imminent danger of running out of condoms.
Chapter 5 – the ‘love’ word is introduced making the sex more meaningful. Toys are introduced to add more meaning as well. At least that’s what what the author says.
Chapter 6 – misunderstanding between hero and heroine – no sex for a couple of angst filled pages because she hates him for whatever reason, while he acts stoic/know-it-all

Chapter 7 - Bad guy threatens heroine. She takes care of him herself because she can kick arse with the best of them or the hero does. After the day is saved they have sex
Chapter 8 – Declaration of love, sex, wedding proposal, sex – but no babies as babies are ‘forbidden’ in erotic romance.
Theme: Romance and sex
Purpose of book: enjoyment

Unbreakable has released at Ellora’s Cave…a bit like ‘release the hounds’ I suppose. To go into the draw to win some Aussie stuff all you need to do is answer two simple questions. The answers can be found somewhere in the book or this blog…maybe scroll down a bit if you have not collected enough pennies together to buy…did you look under the sofa cushions? Anyway the terribly hard questions…

Question 1: What subject does lecturer Dash Lomard teach?

Question 2: How old is India Blake?

Email the answers to Please put ‘Contest’ in the subject field of the email.

The first correct answer, drawn at random, to those two specific questions wins the Aussie gift set in the picture. And yes, the t-shirt comes in XXL – I checked. The contest closes at midnight (USA EST) on June 6th. The winner will announced on the blog after they have been contacted by email. Good luck.
Go ahead: Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?


barbara huffert said...

Hahaha, loved the summary. But rethinking it, we're not ever going to require Cliff notes for our books as people enjoy reading them.

I think you should advertise back to that man your list for a virtual husband.

LynTaylor said...

Bwahahahahahahah ..... Virtual Wife. Gee, someone is going to die lonely.

Loved your Cliffs notes LOL! Chapter 6 especially gave me a good giggle :D

Anny Cook said...

Okay. Now that I've have my laugh for the day... Thank you!

Fellow requiring a virtual wife... what exactly is virtual about it? If she's actually doing all that work, then she's a real wife or a real maid/cook/chief bottle washer...

Sandra Cox said...

Great contest and prizes.
Wishing you many sales of Unbreakable.

Unknown said...

Thanks for the laugh. I bet the man doesn't want to pay the virtual wife much, either.

Many happy sales.

Molly Daniels said...

'prepare food menus for his cat...' Can he not open a can of cat food?

Regina Carlysle said...

SNORT. Too funny. Great laugh for the day. I think the dude needs a "virtual" smack upside the head!!! What an idiot!!!!