Navel gazing…

I was hanging out washing on the line at 5:00am before work. It was dark, still, balmy and there was only the sound of crickets to be heard. It occurred to me once more how peaceful my new home is and how I – all – of us – take peace and freedom for granted. Yeah, we do. We should stop doing that…

Writer cults…

When you start doing the writing thing you have no bloody idea what you’re doing and you join various groups of writers to discuss the fact you have no bloody idea what you’re doing . It seems like a good idea at the time. But then, one day you realize these people in these writer cults really just want to tell you how fabulous their books are, what tricks their ‘precious’ little dog did while the writer in question was scouring the best seller lists and pouting because they were sure they sold at least 1000 books because all their family, friends and the fellow writer cult patrons swore blind they bought a copy. Then they ask did you buy a copy. No? Why not? Don’t you like vampire-lesbian-nun-demon-biker-loner-angst filled-nihilist-horror-paranormal-sweet-erotic-romance-with a twist of lime? No? Well why are you in this writer cult listening to my words of wisdom? I expect adoration damn you. No chocolate brownie recipe for you!

It’s my recommendation at that stage you have to get out of the writer cult. No, really, it may seem a hard thing to do but if you don’t you become one of those people who bombard unsuspecting readers/other writers with cutesy writer crap. When that happens, there’s no turning back. You’re one of them.

Writer cults – thanks but no thanks. Mother said don’t talk to strangers.

So, I have to find…

…a dress for a grown up dinner thingy. Oh hard. I loathe formal occasions. I hate getting dressed up. It’s a work function. Yes, damn straight I’ll be claiming whatever I buy on tax under dress_work_thingy_have_to. The dress is one thing but I then have to look at getting hold ‘em up and in, suck it up ‘foundation garments’. Why don’t they just call them fat strangulators? That’s what all the elasticised stuff does.

So, I expect I’ll buy a black, classic dress ‘cause I have nifty black shoes. But seriously, I rather turn up in boots… “and blame it all on my roots…”

Random thoughts #8667….

I wonder if Sleeping beauty ever woke up and looked at herself in the mirror and thought “Jeez, talk about the walking dead…”

Did the prince ever wonder that? You know, considering he probably would have married her on the whole Sleeping ‘beauty’ name thing?

What was Sleeping Beauty’s real name and did she get pissed off being called Sleeping Beauty all the time?

Did she get sick of birds following her?

Were any of those birds called Wayne or Cheryl?

Did she and Prince Charming, if that was indeed his name, have kids?

What happened to the wicked witch? I’d like to know. Now, she was interesting.

I often wonder if Sleeping Beauty got fat and let herself go after marrying the prince.

Were there ever any overweight fairy tale heroines? If not – why not?

Would the Prince have shagged the local wenches like most princes do?

How much does fairytale royalty pay to shut up an ex-lover or do they just give them a poisoned apple?

Hmmm…

The state of play in Amarinda world today...

...the budgies are tweeting and spitting seed everywhere and the sun is shining...can't complain...ok...maybe about the seed spitting thing...

Good reason...

So, I was buying some plants today and I was chatting to one of the staff. He told me he had spent nearly $2000 on making over his back yard and he described it all to me. It sounded lovely. Then he told me he rented the property. Now, me being me, thought ‘that’s a bloody lot of money to put into someone else’s property.’ He agreed. The reason he did it? He said because it made him happy. Yeah, that works for me….

Unsettle me not…

There is this man at work who flat out doesn’t like me. That’s okay. Like me, hate me, my world still turns. It appears he doesn’t like me because I took the job of someone else and because unlike that other woman I’m not about to suck up to the men in the building by bringing in home baked chocolate cakes. Pardon me but I’m neither Betty Crocker or a simp. No, I didn’t know the someone I replaced. It wouldn’t matter if I did because there is clearly a reason I came in and replaced that person. So, he has deliberately been calling me ‘her’ to my face, in meetings, emails etc…you get the drill. It’s supposed to upset me. It’s supposed to unsettle me enough that I leave. Oh fuck off I say. I was born unsettled. I thrive in unsettled atmospheres. So, every time he calls me ‘her’ I put out my hand and introduce myself to him as if he’s losing his marbles. I can see it’s wearing him down into the screaming, gibbering wreck I expect he will be once I’m finished with him. Small balled men with chocolate cake fetishes? Stay home with mother, boys.

Man of mystery…

So I got an email about pills to enhance my masculinity this morning. Uh, no thanks…not this morning…maybe later if I have to lift something. The thing that I liked about the email was the name of the sender - Woodrow Hogue. What a fantastic name for a character. Yes, I expect I’ll use in some story. The question is what does a Woodrow Hogue look like? I have a couple of ideas in mind. I checked the internet to see if Woodrow Hogue existed. Shocker – he doesn’t. That probably means he’s a spy or really careful with the info he puts out there. I think a Woodrow Hogue would be like that. He doesn’t strike me as a too-much-information-these-are-photos-of-my-kids-house-bellybutton-recipe-for-chocolate-cake-type-person. I expect Woodrow would be kinda pissed in a Chuck Norris let-me-teach-you-a-lesson way if he knew someone was using his name to flog male pep pills because clearly Woodrow needs no help in that area. I also reckon he would have a zen, gentle side that would be calming yet deceptive. Hmmm…I must ponder the wonder of Woodrow Hogue some more…

The usefulness of men...

My cordless mouse wouldn’t work no matter how much I yelled at it. I put new batteries in. It still didn’t work. I figured it was a warranty thingy. I took it back to the store. The computer guy pulled the batteries out and put them in the opposite way to what I had them. It worked. Well, lookee there. I recommend we keep men around for stuff like that…

Today, I relax damn it....

I may have been overdoing it lately...possibly...more than likely...today, I will contemplate the art of relaxtion.

So, this publishing company…

…sent me files today saying ‘do not send to author.’ Author = me. Uh huh. Dumb move. They were scrambled but I managed to unscramble them and it was quite interesting reading and yes, I can see why you wouldn’t want to send to an author. And yes, I’m considering how to use them. This is the same publishing company who decided to add a clause into their contract 6 months after I signed my contract. And yes, a normal company would have sent an amended contract and asked me to sign. No, not them. They have no honour whatsoever so I continue to battle with the useless nongheads over the proper royalties.

And hey, thanks once more for those files. Gifts should always be received with thanks.

Doing edits...

...sorta...kinda...when the mood takes me. I know what I'd rather be doing...

Just my opinion but…

I don’t think Yankee Politicians know if their bums are on fire. Why? Well, I’ve seen the news stories coming out of the US regarding the bun fight over pollies who want to take a tilt at the top job as President. Lordy, I have not seen so many plastic people in one room unless it’s been in the Barbie section of a toy store. And insincere? Much? I just have to wonder who buys what these people say. Despite their claims, they’re not ‘one of the people’ – they’re ‘people’ are on planet Barbie where everything is pink and men have plastic mounds for penises.

Yes, yes, Aussie pollies are just as stupid. And why should I care what the US does when I’m in Australia? Because the US has the potential to screw up the world by the choices it makes. And let’s face it, that Michelle chick who was obviously ‘advised’ incorrectly about it being Elvis’ birthday and not the anniversary of his death? If you can’t get something that simple right how can you handle money, climate change, war, poverty, healthcare etc? Hmmm….

Scarlet Lovers...out now...

Scarlet Lovers...it’s about sex and sin and being who you want to be.


https://www.allromanceebooks.com/product-scarletlovers-593387-144.html

Beak banging…

So, I was given some budgies. I’ve called them Wayne and Cheryl. They’re said to be incorrigible. They bang their beaks on the cage and annoy their owners. I was asked did I want them? Hmmm, irritating birds who care not what others think and do their own thing? Why yes. Welcome Wayne and Cheryl…

Ah, I see...

I don’t believe in all that greeting card hype of muses. I do believe that some people come into your life for a reason. I believe that being handed the gift of talking to someone who's seen it all and done it all and is no longer surprised by what life throws at them is priceless. Just by the simple act of asking their advice often leads you to where you’re supposed to go.


Yeah, that's about as Zen as I get but thanks you...

Random thoughts # 34098….

Do happy endings really exist or are they a greeting card company plot to make us feel bad if we’re not in a relationship?

And what the hell is a relationship? You either love – hate – lust – loathe – or are bored shitless by someone so why just plonk all those emotions under one pathetic banner? Call it what it is I say.

Do we read erotic romance for the sex or the romance? Hmmm?

I know that if one of the pumped up–bouffanted heroes off a romance novel appeared shirtless or in a kilt or pretending to be a werewolf at my door I would laugh my arse off and give him $50 to get a taxi to the airport.

Real men – flaws and all – can’t beat ‘em…some times you wish you could but beating’s against the law.

Hoping you are the same…..

Format, format, format...

I’m Scarlet Harloting at the moment. Book formatting. Is it exciting or what?

As mum always said to us when we were growing up, the harder you work the luckier you get…

I have not yet begun to be irritating...

Reply Kindle Direct Publishing to me
show details 8:06 AM

Hello,

As stated in our content guidelines, we reserve the right to determine what content we consider to be appropriate. This content includes both the cover art image and the content within the book.

We’re unable to elaborate further on specific details regarding our content guidelines.

Best regards,

Arthur.
http://www.amazon.com

Scarlet Harlot Publishing Scarlet Harlot Publishing to title-submissi., amarinda_jones
show details 8:45 AM

Dear Arthur

The thing with giving an answer is it has to make sense and justify your position. Pointing to the rules but not answering the question – ‘What I would like Arthur is for someone to explain to me why my book is not published and the schoolgirl/rape/porn books which blatantly violate your rules are?” - does not answer the question.

Your rules –

Pornography
We don’t accept pornography or offensive depictions of graphic sexual acts.

**Please explain how this book –

http://www.amazon.com/XXXX

"Included are compelling narratives of foodsex, phonesex, musclebear
prisonsex, dental blood, enemas, scat, piss, doublefucking, fisting and
; dildo initiation, mudsex, bestiality, crucifixion, sex in costumes, plenty
of BDSM (bondage / discipline / sadomasochism), and a dungeonful more…." fits that rule?

Why not Sinner then –

"He calls her sinner. She comes when he calls. But who is he?

Payton Ray finds herself under the control of an unknown man who takes her in wild, dirty pleasure and leaves her wanting more.”

Please explain how fist fucking, bestiality and crucifixion are deemed not offensive?

Offensive Content

What we deem offensive is probably about what you would expect.

Really? See above. Not offensive? Hmmm…

Illegal and Infringing Content
We take violations of laws and proprietary rights very seriously. It is your responsibility to ensure that your content doesn’t violate laws or copyright, trademark, privacy, publicity, or other rights. Just because content is freely available does not mean you are free to copy and sell it.

Nope – this does not fit Sinner either.

Public Domain and Other Non-Exclusive Content
Some types of content, such as public domain content, may be free to use by anyone, or may be licensed for use by more than one party. We may choose not to sell a book if its content is undifferentiated or barely undifferentiated from one or more other books.

Nope – this does not fit Sinner either.

Poor Customer Experience
We don’t accept books that provide a poor customer experience. Examples include poorly formatted books and books with misleading titles, cover art or product descriptions. We reserve the right to determine whether content provides a poor customer experience.

Nope – this does not fit Sinner either.

The cover art – is a woman – no nipple showing with her finger in her mouth. Offensive? No.

“We’re unable to elaborate further on specific details regarding our content guidelines.”

The thing is Arthur, closing a door when someone asks a question you may not want to answer smacks at elitism and inequality.

I realize you are a worker at Amazon who gets to answer these emails and deal with pesky people like me. I also know that every company has a hierarchy. Please get someone higher up the Amazon food chain to give me a reason and not a standard shut-up-and-go-away-email.

Thanks
Amarinda

Arthur of Amazon...

I got this email from Arthur at Amazon in relation to the very specific email I sent to them about the banning of Sinner at Amazon - http://amarindajones.blogspot.com/2011/08/you-may-reply-to-title.html

On Thu, Aug 11, 2011 at 4:53 AM, Kindle Direct Publishing wrote:
Hello,

Our content guidelines are published in the Help Section of the Amazon.com website.

To learn more, please see:
https://kdp.amazon.com/self-publishing/help?topicId=A1KT4ANX0RL55I

Content that is in violation of these guidelines will not be offered for sale.

Best regards,

Arthur.
http://www.amazon.com
=============================

My response to Arthur today…

Hello Arthur

Yes, I have read your rules. If you had read my email instead of providing the standard generic text book, fob-her-off approach response, you would see that my book actually fits your guidelines unlike the books I listed below. Those have not been banned. Again, I have to question Amazon's idea of equality. Is it equal opportunity to only some? Is it a nationality thing? Is there a secret handshake that allows some books to be published but not others?

What I would like Arthur is for someone to explain to me why my book is not published and the schoolgirl/rape/porn books which blatantly violate your rules are? Whom do I speak to in charge? Please advise. I await your response

Amarinda Jones

And the beat goes on…

What I did at work today….

Okay, so we were at work today and listening to a radio station that was playing older songs because as much as we all agree Adele has a beautiful voice if we heard her singing “Someone like you” one more time we were going to scream. Top 20 radio stations just kill all the joy in music. So we changed channel and all these songs from the 80’s and 90’s were on it. One song, for the life of us, we couldn’t remember who sung it. Now, I’m one of those people if I can’t remember the name of something I will lie awake all night thinking about it. All I could remember was the singer’s first name – Wendy. In an endeavour to avoid a sleepless night, I phoned a friend. He didn’t know what the hell I was talking about. Not so unusual for me. I explained and then, because I was forced to, I sang some of it. I’m a terrible, ghastly, horrible singer. Naturally after my singing he was crying…nah, just kidding…he was more confused. I stopped torturing him and then went back to my desk, avoided all work, and tried to remember who the artist was – and it came to me – Tranvision Vamp. So, sit back and relax and listen to what I did at work today…Baby I don’t care…

You may reply to title-submission@amazon.com if you believe this decision has been made in error.

My letter to the Amazon Nazis...

Hello

I received this email from you...

Amazon.com ip-inquiries@amazon.com to me

"Hello,
We’re contacting you regarding the following book that you have submitted for sale in our Kindle store:
Sinner (ASIN:B004WPP26G)
During our review process, we found that your book contains content that is in violation of our content guidelines. As a result, we will not be offering this book for sale.
You may reply to title-submission@amazon.com if you believe this decision has been made in error.
Best regards,
Title Submission
http://www.amazon.com"

What exactly is the violation here? Why do you allow these books below and not mine?

1XXXX- woman who is tied up and forced to submit
2XXXX – "Included are compelling narratives of foodsex, phonesex, musclebear prisonsex, dental blood, enemas, scat, piss, doublefucking, fisting and dildo initiation, mudsex, bestiality, crucifixion, sex in costumes, plenty of BDSM (bondage / discipline / sadomasochism), and a dungeonful more."
3XXXX - forced submision
4XXXX- schoolgirl sex

Please explain how my book is worse than these books. It appears to me that you are picking and choosing who you will ban. That smacks at inequality and I have to wonder why you are choosing my book as being a 'violation' over others? Please re-instate my book or remove the ones that are worse than mine. Freedom of speech on Amazon appears to be ok for some and not for others. I await your response and explanation.

Amarinda Jones

***you can buy Sinner here - http://www.allromanceebooks.com/product-sinner-536369-144.html

***removed the name of books in my email for the blog because I can and why give them publicity?

Hasta La Vista Baby...

So, I resigned today. I take up another job next week. As I said in my resignation letter I will miss the girls in office. But the management? Not so much. I deserve more and better and I’m one of those people who will act rather than accept less. It’s a Jones thing.

Onwards and upwards…

Biker chick...

I had this dream where I was dressed in emerald green – I looked pretty damn good – and I was trying to get a taxi to take me home from a wedding. Anyway, I came across motorcycles being used as taxi transport. I get on one and there is nowhere to hang on to and the guy tries to rip me off for the fare. He didn’t succeed by the way. I’m a bitch even in my dreams. What does all this mean other than I probably will buy the next emerald green dress I see?

To see or ride a motorcycle in your dream, symbolizes your desire for freedom and need for adventure. You may be trying to escape from some situation or some other responsibility in your waking life. Alternatively, a motorcycle is symbolic of raw sexuality. Perhaps you are moving too fast.

http://www.dreammoods.com/dreamdictionary/m3.htm

Me? Move too fast? As if….

I know…you thought it would be a biker, sex story…nah…

Paperback writer...

Dear Sir or Madam will you read my book
It took me years to write, will you take a look

Writing? Wanna' write? Go for it...anyone can do it...

Waiting....

…for all the pieces to fall in place. Through hard work and persistence – also called being a pain in the arse - lots of things are on the brink of happening….but oh the waiting…

**thanks Pallavi for the pic…

Plus sized? Oh piss off...

http://www.news.com.au/entertainment/fashion/plus-size-model-robyn-lawley-the-first-plus-size-model-to-feature-in-vogue-australia/story-e6frfn7i-1226107470974

Um, no, while she is a stunning woman she is not 'plus sized'. She is size 12-14. This tells women that size they are fat and it makes women who are 16 - 36 in size range feel like crap. Vogue? Get real.

A large percentage of the world is not thin. They are overweight. Plus sized is politically correct bullshit designed to segregate and undermine women. If Marilyn Monroe was alive today she would be called fat. Go figure that out.

Plus sized? Oh piss off.

If Not For You

http://www.evernightpublishing.com/products/If-Not-For-You-by-Amarinda-Jones.html

Sequel to The Not So Secret Baby

What do you do when everyone wants you to fall in love? 

That’s the problem Astrid Hammond faces when she holidays on Inis Daire. The local seer decrees she is destined to find the man of her dreams. The townspeople want to see their favorite son happy. But Astrid? She's not so sure. Sex with Connor is amazing but is it happily ever after?

Connor Malone is a Celtic warlock who does his best to heal what nature tries to destroy. He has been waiting for the love of his life, the one who will love and understand him like no other. He knows in his heart it's Astrid. She may think it’s just sex but he’s ready to convince her it’s forever.

Be Warned: anal sex, multiple partners....bad, bad Amarinda....

Excerpt: warning sex and stuff is mentioned...

“Holy fucking hell!” Astrid Hammond gasped, eyes widening in surprise as she took in the scene before her. Two naked men were ramming their dicks hard and fast into the ass and mouth of the naked woman who grasped the thighs of the man in front of her. Astrid dropped down low into the knee-high grass. This wasn’t what she’d expected as she rambled through the countryside. She’d expected to see green fields, some cows, the oak tress that the island, Inis Daire, pronounced Inis Deery, was named after. If a leprechaun had jumped out at her, Astrid wouldn’t have been surprised, and she had to admit she’d been searching for four leaf clovers. But then that’s what tourists did on their holiday. An island like this was so foreign compared to her home in Port Douglas, Australia. But sex in the field with human animals? It wasn’t something she’d seen on a postcard.

Astrid lifted her head and peeked at them. Of course, it was wrong to watch in that train wreck kind of way. Besides they were a good distance from her. She doubted they could see her unless they craned their necks and peered up and to the left, and at the moment, she doubted they would be very interested in doing that.

“Well, I guess I should go and er, do stuff.” But the lure of ‘stuff’ was hard to get excited over when she watched this trio in action. Astrid told her body to move but she was fixed to the spot watching them. There was a strange, raw beauty in their actions. One man fair and the other dark. The woman was buxom, and if Astrid didn’t know better, she’d say pregnant. And if her moans were anything to go by, absolutely enjoying the moment.
“Lucky woman.” Astrid couldn’t remember the last time she’d had excellent, dirty sex. Bad, ordinary, when-will-this-be-over sex was easier to remember. That was three Tuesday’s ago, after a great deal of sangria in a small Spanish town with a waiter who’d over-padded both the bill and his trousers. Both the meal and the sex hadn’t been worth the effort. “You live and learn,” she muttered to herself as she continued watching the trio. She wriggled around on the ground, the inner seam of her shorts pressed against her clit. She was wet just watching them. “But, oh man, I miss good, hard, dirty sex.” Thoughts of unzipping her shorts and toying with her clit came to mind.

But it was at that moment the dark haired man, whose dick was being sucked, turned his head in her direction and their eyes locked.

“Shit.” Astrid dropped her forehead onto the ground. It was beyond tacky watching someone have sex, and yet there she was doing it and she’d been caught. “How weird that he saw me. Or did he?”

Indecent Encounters - Print addition

https://www.createspace.com/3648497

Indecent Encounters out now in print. Why would you buy it? Raw, sexy, sensual, no holds barred romance, sex and lust and all those good things, baby

Dear Ellora’s Cave...

Please answer my email.

'Within 2 weeks' does not equal to 2 months.

Yours sincerely

Amarinda

Weird thing….

…I was asked what I was worth. My answer? A lot. A bloody lot. The answer back? Nope, we think you’re only worth X amount. My response? Bugger off – you may try to make me believe otherwise but I ain’t playing your game. As my very Scottish Grandfather Bill used to say “take your plum pudding and shove it up your arse”…except when we were kids it was ‘shove it up your jumper’…no, I’m not sure what plum pudding has to do with anything but I like to say that to people to confuse them…hoping you are the same….

Yes, why exactly?

I was reading Author Sandra Cox’s blog as I do every day and I thought her points on this post - http://sandracox.blogspot.com/2011/07/e-book-prices.html - were valid so I posted them on my facebook.

I got a very well thought out intelligent response from a fellow FB friend… Carol Ann who asks every question that I would…

"What about self publishing Amarinda? Can the prices for e-books be less if you publish yourself? One of the authors I like has just gone to self publishing (you are doing that too aren't you at least for some things?) I love e-books but cannot re sell them, so in reality, e-books are no bargain what-so-ever, just convenient as far as storage space. I did not realize that the authors were not reaping increased rewards from e-books. They sure should be.

Seriously though, the publishers have just a fraction of the cost in publishing ebooks! I've watched the prices rise on ebooks for over 4 years now. Why and why do most now almost always cost as much as the paper book or only a dollar less? It would be interesting to see a detailed study and financial breakdown of costs and profits and breakdown of what % of profit goes to whom for paper books (hard cover and paper back) and then the same breakdown for electronic books. It would be interesting too to include an environmental study of energy costs and natural resource costs of paper books compared to electronic books. Have authors ever had a cooperative style electronic book publishing company? Perhaps someone should consider starting one?"

…. yes, why exactly? Could it be greed by e-publishers? Hmm? Say it’s not so…