Sunday, 24 August 2008

What the???

Rather than focusing on how to divide personal assets, some are expanding their agreements to preserve the aspects of single life they don't want to lose.,23739,24190702-23272,00.html

I read something in the local Sunday newspaper that pissed me off. It was all to do with pre-nup agreements. Now, I don’t see this as a bad thing if you have worked your guts out all your life and have amassed money and property for it. You worked hard, it's yours because you earned it. Then you fall in love and decide to get married. I would think it crazy if you did not take the blinders off for a moment and consider protecting what you worked for because no one knows – despite all the initial prettiness of a wedding – how the marriage is going to pan out once the confetti is all swept up. So yeah, I think if you want to protect yourself and you marry someone who says they understand you then they should respect the need for a pre-nup. I would. If I was going to leap into marriage you can bet I would have that all sorted out. No it’s not romantic but both parties are going into a marriage with no sugar frosted financial illusions. In some cases, you have to protect yourself.

Now, about the part that pissed me off...the heading ‘Til heft do us part.’ Heft – hefty – weight. That’s right. The ridiculous idea of signing a pre-nup saying you will never put on weight. What? WHAT??? So picture the scene – the happy couple marries. They are beautiful, in love and slim. Their whole lives are ahead of them - however clause 2a.3iii states that If either party gains weight either the marriage will be dissolved or the other will have to pay a financial penalty.

Adding a few extra pounds can cost more than the price of a new wardrobe. One wife's prenuptial agreement limited her weight to 120 lbs. Penalty for being over the fighting weight: she gives up $100,000 of her separate property.
Another prenuptial agreement included a $500 fine for each excess pound the wife gained. All's fair in lifestyle clauses - one wife added a maximum weight stipulation of 180 lbs. for her husband.

So how is stipulating and enforcing your partner never puts on weight protecting yourself? Are you so shallow that you cannot be seen with a man/woman who is no longer the size they were when you married? How does that protect anything but your ego – and if your ego is that bloody shallow then you have to wonder about yourself and not whether someone’s stomach or arse is bigger than they used to be.

The thing is no one is always going to remain the same as they were. People age, they change and a vast majority put on weight. I have always had this vague idea that people marry because they love each other and want to be together through life – you know sharing the good and the bad, the fat and the thin. I could be wrong. Isn’t that what love and commitment is? Sure, we romance authors write about is all the time. But haven’t you noticed the great trend away from the perfect, flawless heroine in romance books? I like this because real women look like real women and the real women I know are flawed yet interesting because those flaws make them so. Real women also have real men who are grown up and evolved enough to look beyond a facade. Only little boys want their toys to remain the same way forever.

"People are more savvy these days - perhaps they have less expectation that their relationship is going to last forever," she said.,23739,24190702-23272,00.html

You know what? Don’t get married if you don’t think you will not last in the marriage past the white frou-frou virginal extravaganza of the wedding. Give yourselves, your family and friends a break – we don’t need to spend the money on an event that is going to turn into something that will not last the distance. Why not instead have a quick, cheap wedding – donate the money you would have spent to charity – get a tax deduction and then when it all falls apart you at least have something to show for it. No, I’m not cynical about love. Some people do it very well whilst others just treat it like some new fad that everyone is doing and that want to do it as well to be considered ‘cool.’ Marriage, to my understanding, is not a fad. Being single I understand that and made a conscious choice not to jump into anything that does not have the chance of lasting. No, you don’t know if something will last but there are obvious signs to pay attention to and a pre-nup that stipulates you cannot gain weight is one of them.
The right to impose a monetary fine for weight gain One couple stipulated that unless each party lost a specified amount of weight, they couldn't have sex — ever.

So, here’s what I think, if you only like people who look a certain way and never change then invest in a Barbie doll because everyone expands and contracts and if you intend to put a price on that then maybe you’re better off alone looking at your own reflection in the mirror because then if you put on weight then you only have penalize yourself.

Love at first sight is easy to understand; it's when two people have been looking at each other for a lifetime that it becomes a miracle -- Amy Bloom

Sunday news…steps are finished and I have primed and undercoated them…means nothing to you but to me it’s another job off the list…that is if I did lists. 'Had a Wayne the possum sighting. He was asleep on top of a cupboard under the house.
Spoke to Texas gal and hot romance writer Regina Carlysle on the phone. What a hoot! I always knew Aussies and Texans were kindred souls.
Go ahead: Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?


barbara huffert said...

Save family and friends the expense of buying gifts...move in together. Keep a scale by the door. When you get close to the maximum weight keep your packed bags there too. If we're being ridiculous let's be completely ridiculous.

Anny Cook said...

The problem as I see it is the word commitment. The words to the wedding vows are "until death do us part" --not "until things don't go my way". I suspect that many couples go into marriage with the idea that it will do until something better comes along. And something better ALWAYS comes along. Over and over and over.

Excellent blog. So glad you're nearly done with the steps. Glad you had fun with Regina!

Regina Carlysle said...

Yep. I had fun too. A blast chatting! GAWD....dread hearing of your phone bill. ACK! People who want someone who "never changes" must invest in that Barbie Doll because life just doesn't work that way.

Sandra Cox said...

Sorry, can't take that one seriously. I think its pretty funny:)

Molly Daniels said...

Does that particular pre-nup include prregnancy? Or does it exclude pregnancy weight gain? That's insane.

I agree w/Anny. Too many people see divorce as the only option instead of actually trying to work together to solve the problem.

Ashley Ladd said...

Glad your steps are finished. I have a ton of stuff to repair on my house so guess I gotta write more.

Where do you find all these neat pics and great ideas? Is it just from reading in general or do you look for things? I know you work full time and write a LOT like me, so I'm in awe.