Tuesday, 19 August 2008

The most boring day....

I swear it was the most boring, tedious, mind numbing day today where not even balancing a pen on my nose, gossiping with co-workers or writing sex at my desk could make the day go quickly. It was so boring that I began to think that watching paint drying was an underrated hobby. Anyway as I sat there half asleep pretending I was actually concentrating deeply and not just staring inanely at the screen, I started to think about stuff I don’t get. This was sparked after I went for my usual walk at lunchtime to reassure myself that there was a world outside the parallel universe I am stuck at 8 hours-a-frigging-day. Anyway it was cold and windy - which is just wrong for winter in sub tropical Brisbane - and I thought stuff it I will have a hot chocolate. So I bought one on the way back. I was asked at the cafe how many marshmallows do I want in my drink? I don’t understand the whole marshmallows in hot chocolate thing. Where did that come from? What soul decided that would be a good thing to stuff gelatinous, squishy sugary things into a cup of warm liquid? Mind you they should have patented the idea because everyone seems to do it - but me of course. That got me thinking, in my intense coma of boredom, about other stuff I don’t get…

-I don’t understand why toasted marshmallows are a big deal. Why do people get excited at the thought of gooey insides?

- What’s with the hole in the lid of a takeaway coffee cup? You have a lid put on so you don’t spill…then there’s a hole in it - which means you could spill. Yes I know it's to drink out of. I just don’t get why adults need to drink from something an uncoordinated small child would drink from. And how many women would drink from that sipper hole where you would ruin your lipstick? Who’s idea was that?

- What’s the deal with people who have to call all woman Mrs Jones, Mrs Smith, Mrs Brown etc? To me, it’s overly politically correct. You cannot lump all women of a certain age into the ‘Mrs’ bracket.

- And have you ever noticed that teenagers who get married insist on calling themselves Mrs Black or whatever name so you know they are married? You had a first name before you married him, sweetie - try and keep some identity. And it's not like ‘Mrs’ is a title like Queen or princess…and I don’t get me started on the whole monarchy thing where people are considered ‘majestic’ when they are fairly bloody ordinary.

- And what about people who want you to listen to them but they don’t listen to you and when you point that out to them they get offended - well here’s the thing - don’t offend me by not listening.

- I still don't understand, despite all the hoo-ha over ultra thin models on the catwalk, why we still see them and why the media goes crazy when a so-called plus sized woman enters a beauty competition. It’s about beauty isn’t it?

- And why people turn up to reality TV show auditions and think they can sing or dance when they bloody can’t and they get all upset because the judges tell then to go away. Why doesn’t someone they love tell them “Neville – you can’t dance worth a damn and as a singer you make grown men think your testicles are in a knot.” The greatest service you can do for a friend is offer them a reality check.

- what about people who insist on having 60 items in the 8 items or less check-out and then they get pissed off when you point that out to them - well what? Did you think we wouldn’t notice? Thought you could just slip in there and look all casual?

- I don’t get why drivers speed up towards you when you are using a pedestrian crossing. Ever noticed that? What? Are you supposed to run across it? Do they want you to be afraid?

- Or when you are overtaking a slow driver on the highway and they suddenly speed up? It’s not a game and no one is going to think less of you if you can’t keep up.

- Any what is it with non-disabled people who park in designated disabled parking spots? What's that about? Pig ignorant or plain lazy?

- Why people have Ipods attached like suckers to their ears and the music is so loud that you can hear it without the ear phones? How is that personalized music?

- Why does the bank insist on charging bank service fees for a no frills service where they don't provide any counter service?

I could go on and on…see where boredom gets you? And sure - what does it all matter? It doesn't - it's just the imponderables in life that strike you as you are making a chain out of all the paperclips in your desk drawer to stay awake.

What don't you get? Come on…I can’t be the only person making paperclip jewelry.

Please note – I was so bored I have a cat picture.
Go ahead: Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?


barbara huffert said...

If you'd had marshmallows in your hot chocolate you'd be having a sugar rush and have no problem staying awake.

Ever sing along with someone else's ipod to make the point about it being too loud? Try it sometime. You'll love the expression on their face.

Molly Daniels said...

Something I don't get is the self-check-out. It should only be used for under 20 items! And if people are 'learning' on the things, start with only a few items...not the entire damn cart!

Cindy Spencer Pape said...

paperclip chains make dandy decorations for the office (or cubilce) christmas tree. Claim you're getting a head start on the holidays. As to why banks charge fees? Simple. Because they can.

Anny Cook said...

Sad, very sad that you were reduced to a cat pic. If you use colored paper clips then your chain will be twice as decorative.

About the bank charges... tell them you're going to another bank where they won't charge you.

I want to know what people who what tv come to work the next day and insist on telling you the entire plot of whatever show they watched-- even after you tell them that you don't watch tv.

Regina Carlysle said...

Ohhh, I so get that about the tv show plot, Anny. My eyes just glaze frickin' over. I DO not want to hear the complete version or a book or movie or tv show from someone. I want to see or read it myself!!!!

The Marshmallows are for a sugar rush. I actually love melty marshmallows in my hot chocolate.

Tell you what...mind numbing boredom is never a good thing. It can be sooo bad you want to scream your frustration but you can't because you're in public.

barbara huffert said...

Now you know why I read the Farm Journal on occasion. Even Corn College and calf scours are better than total boredom. Surely there's a magazine or catalog of some sort somewhere in that building. I'm sure you can read it in a way so as to entertain yourself. Today at work I caught my office mate reading a catalog as I do. I was so proud of her! She, on the other hand claims I've ruined her for life.