The killing fields…

So, I have made a decision. I have to kill the cane toads I see hopping around my yard. It’s taken me a while to reach this decision because I only believe in killing something if it is trying to kill me or mine. Then you’re dead. No discussion.

Cane toads are an ecological pest. They screw up the environment and kill off the native frogs. They were introduced to Queensland, Australia by some nitwit who thought it sounded like a good idea to kill a cane beetle. Yep, the toads killed it but they stuck around and had lots of sex and became the menace they are today. There’s a lesson in that. Don’t have sex…no, that’s not it…er… it’s anyone who has a good idea should be viewed with suspicion…hmmm…ok, maybe that’s not it either but you get my drift. Cane toads are bad buggers.

So, now that I am in the tropics I have decided XH, my house, will become a killing field. I spoke to a very good frog loving friend and toad assassin extraordinaire about the brutal regime I am going to conduct on toads. His cool Chuck Norris response was along the line of ‘about bloody time’ and my house is on ‘Toadbook’ as a safe haven for toads. Well, not any more, fella. I have bought disinfectant and put it a spray bottle and I’m gonna’ go out gunning for toads. You can also freeze them to death but that involves picking them up and putting them in a bag in the freezer and I’m too much of a girly girl to do that. Besides, I microwave food a lot…

So I asked my friend ‘Oh noble frog Sensei, how do I know a frog from a toad?’ The answer is toads look more ‘arrogant’ and they have bumps on their back, so I have to assess the pompous look in their eyes and the smug way their standing and them shoot him with disinfectant…the toad…not the sensei….