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Monday, 14 September 2009

‘Got nothing much….


…other than I booked a trip to Darwin – the Never-Never. It’s up in the Northern Territory of Australia. Its home to Kakadu (Crocodile Dundee country) and Uluru (Ayres Rock). Why Darwin? Not sure. I just have this intense urge to go there and I always believe in following urges like this. Mind you, I’m not going until March. Why March? I looked at a calendar and March jumped out at me. For some reason I know I’m supposed to be in Darwin in March – and who am I to question the workings of kismet?

‘Got this though…

BREAD, cling wrap and chicken skin are being used as contraceptives by UK women, which may explain why it has the highest accidental pregnancy rate in Europe.

http://www.news.com.au/couriermail/story/0,23739,26035229-5013016,00.html

Okay, it’s not funny - but it is. Bread? Seriously? What nong would believe that? When I read this I thought of the reader emails I get asking me ‘why so many condoms’ in my books? Imagine how hard it would be to make using bread sexy in a book. What would the foreplay be like? She grabs the loaf tight to her naked breasts, drops her head down and tears a piece of bread off with her teeth, her eyes lock with his and she says, in between mouthfuls, “Do I need a half a slice or a full slice with you, big boy?” Or does he run a crusty baguette up and down her soft inner thighs and say, “Do you know what I’m going to do with this, darlin’?’" And she says “Not without butter and vegemite you’re not.”

This is what I think…safe sex is smart sex. Use the condom not bread. Bread is for toast and sandwiches. Don’t use it anywhere else.

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2 comments:

Sandra Cox said...

I don't know if I'll ever look at my toast in the same way again. How are you mate?

Ashley Ladd said...

LOL. It's hard to imagine any halfway intelligent person would use BREAD for a contraceptive or want to stick it inside themself. Yuck!

But it would make for a really hilarious romantic parody.