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Tuesday, 29 April 2008

Hmm...Monday...

Promptel sucks….yes, correct, I am back on an interim dial up service as Promptel – aka half arsed useless bastards – are once again having trouble trying to find their arses with their own hands and therefore my internet does not work. I will speak no more of it as it is so wearying…bring on May 10 when I am away from these fools

I had a major stress out last night. This is quite curious for me as I never stress out – no never. It’s just the way I am – that’s why I was quite annoyed I was losing the plot last night. Why? Many things apparently seemed to join together and just descend upon me. Worst thing was I had no chocolate in the house. Correction – I still have this god-knows-how-many-years-old bottle

of chocolate liqueur that someone gave me one xmas. I have never gotten around to drinking it
and I suspect it’s either gone off or it’s so potent it make kill me. Anyway, so I did this stressing thing. I told best friend Ethel about it during work today – we’re fairly sure this is why they give us work email so we can chat back and forward to each other. I think that’s nice of them. In return we turn up roughly on time, go home early as possible (set computer clock fifteen minutes ahead and look innocent if asked) and we allow them to pay us. Anyway…where was I? Yes, that’s right – stress attack – Ethel was gobsmacked. “You never stress out. Are you sure that’s what it was?” Ethel is an expert on stress – no really – I have seen her at the point of no return when only slapping her has helped. And you know it’s funny when people think you are never stressed as they don’t believe it when you are. What does one have to do to prove stress? “No, I’m sorry Amarinda, because you have never exhibited this symptom before it is considered impossible that you could be now.” Gotta laugh hey? Anyway I’m over it now and plan never to visit that again…too tiring and no one believes you anyway.
I heard on the news that they are looking at insuring unborn babies. Huh, you may say? Yes apparently you can insure against a miscarriage or some horrible disease happening to your unborn child. This means, so they said, that if you miscarry you can then claim X amount of dollars in compensation. Now, I’m certainly not the maternal type but can insurance companies go any lower? A very good friend of mine miscarried twice in a row. Needless to say she was devastated. I can hardly picture someone like her going – “Oh well, I lost the child but I can claim the $10,000 for the miscarriage." Excuse me, is it just me or is that incredibly insensitive, calculating and stupid? I refuse to believe normal, caring human beings would insure an unborn child.

There was this man in his car behind me at the traffic light on the way home. I was turning across traffic. I had missed the turning arrow so I knew I would have to wait for the next one. He clearly didn’t want me to. He kept edging his car closer to mine and flashing his light and beeping his horn in an effort to get me to drive and turn into oncoming traffic so he could then have his turn. I sat and ignored him because I’m not dying for some dickhead so he can get home two minutes earlier to drink a beer and play with himself. I refuse to be intimidated by bullies. Stick your horn in your ear mate.

I got a hand written letter from an old friend today in the mail. Remember when we used to write letters to each other? I know why we stopped. Technology? No, I could not understand a bloody word he had written because his handwriting was so bad. I emailed him and said – what?

I stopped to buy milk on the way home. Who cares you say? Exactly – but let me finish. I went into the convenience store which is still, not because it’s trendy, in 1960’s d├ęcor. It just has never changed. Anyway, I bought the milk and the owner said – “Do you want a snake?” No, you’re right, it’s not something you get asked often. Naturally I said no. What is the use of a snake in your home? Gee, can’t think of one. He smiled and reached under the Formica counter and I stepped back because to be honest it had been a shit of a day and the last thing I wanted to do was wrangle a snake. But there it was – actually several snakes. I looked in surprise, as you do. They looked completely harmless so I took a big orange one and bit its head off. It tasted good. What? They were candy snakes – big long ones. I walked out of the stored with it hanging out of my mouth, chomping on it and the world seemed to make a little more sense for a moment.
An Unbreakable – adult – moment – released May 30 as part of the Oh Yum series at Ellora’s Cave

“You’re going to film this too?” Bloody hell was she going to end up on the internet like some sad-assed middle-aged wanna-be suburban porn star? “Two cameras?”
“I want to catch every moment.” Dash adjusted the camera tripods to make sure the angle was right on each. “This is for our exclusive use, darlin’. I want us to look back on this when we are old and gray.” He switched the cameras on.
“I’m already going gray and this is just one week of my life.” He made it sounded like a long term commitment.
“Is it India?” Dash sat down beside her on the bed and trailed his hand down her body. “You’re very beautiful and infinitely fuckable.”
“Well fuck me then and get this over and done with.”
Dash chuckled and reached into the drawer he pulled the satin ties from.
“You don’t want a quick shag and neither do I.”
Yeah, actually I do.
India looked at what he held in his hand. It was a silver bullet and not the kind used to kill werewolves. He was going to put that in her and even if she could stop him she knew at that moment she wouldn’t.

Anny and Kelly are doing Anny and Kelly things – go look and be amazed.

www.freewebs.com/amarindajones/
Go ahead: Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

4 comments:

Anny Cook said...

Oh, man. I'm sorry you had a crappy day. Sometimes they just come around whether we want them or not.

Excellent excerpt. May's coming soon, right?

barbara huffert said...

I'm incredibly surprised they weren't live snakes with the kind of day you had. Glad they weren't and that the motion of biting one's head off cheered you, if only for a moment.

You and Ethel need to speak with the powers that be where I work. We have no internet service as yet and I find that highly inconsiderate of them. Perhaps you could convince them to increase my pay for inconveniencing me.

Molly Daniels said...

I pissed off a boyfriend once when I corrected his letter and returned it to him, red ink and all! We broke up soon after that...

Hope you have a better day tomorrow:)

Ashley Ladd said...

We get a lot of hand written notes at work - and I can't begin to read a lot of them. I wish more people used computers to write notes on.