Saturday, 26 October 2013


So, I was slumped on the sofa, watching TV, tired after doing a day of yard work and watching a repeat of some mindless, reality TV crap basically because I was too tired to flick channels to find other less mindless crap to watch. Anyway, on TV, this woman said to this man ‘I love you.’ Then there was silence. Dead, cold silence. You know the kind that is A-W-K-W-A-R-D. You could tell even though she had really wanted to say the whole ‘I love you’ thing, she said it without thinking and it just came out at the wrong time. Then she looked at him waiting for his reaction. He looked torn between stunned and oh-god-get-me-out-of-here. She then looked embarrassed and tried to take it back and he was all ‘no, it’s okay, of course I have feelings for you.’ Oh-my-god. Feelings? He used that line? What is wrong with him? No one should use that line. Ever. He should have just gnawed his leg off or feigned a heart attack or deafness to avoid having to say that to her because we all know the ‘I have feelings for you’ is the kiss of death. She then smiled, nodded, blinking back tears and trying to look all stoic with a look of ‘God, he’s an idiot if he can’t see how great I am’ and ‘how fast can I get in the car and drive to the nearest shop and buy ice-cream and wine…ooh, and maybe I’ll hire a stripper for the evening.’ It then became all deathly silent between them as if neither wanted to say anything further in case he suddenly found himself agreeing to marry her and she couldn’t trust herself not to head butt him for making her feel stupid because ‘I love you shouldn’t be a big deal, you dickhead and I have no idea why I thought I could have ever possibly loved you.’ Ah yes. A-W-K-W-A-R-D.     

Do you think this is why we’re all so interested in reading romance and watching romantic comedies because we know the characters will always say ‘yes’ and ‘I love you’ and get married because they’re supposed to and one dimension characters do not screw up as much as humans do? Is it because we want the ideal? It makes you wonder how anyone actually ever gets together.