Friday, 6 July 2007

Raise me and praise me...Amarinda done good

I got praised at work. Yes, I was surprised too. When I got called in to speak to upper level management I was instantly wary and a little pissed off. I like to think I am too smart to get caught doing personal evil. Had I deleted all those personal emails in my work email inbox? Had I blown out the personal use of internet for the office? Did they work out all those listed phone numbers were my friends and family? Were they now re-thinking the raise I had asked for realising I wasn’t worth the angst? As I walked in, I had two plans. First I would look innocent – this is a very practised look for me - and I would disavow all knowledge. Who me? Second I would burst into tears – the ugly cry – and blame stress, periods, the moon or the office stapler that kept jamming and driving me up the wall (actually I switched that with my assistant when she went to lunch so now it’s her problem). I can cry on queue. I once got through check-in at Heathrow at Christmas, pre 9/11, wildly overloaded in luggage because I burst into wild, heartbreaking tears when the male check-in person told me I had to pay for the extra crap I was carrying. He felt really bad and in the end let the poor Aussie through as it was Christmas. I believe this tactic only works on men though. I would never try it with another woman as we are all way too smart.

Anyway, I digress…so I wandered into the manager’s office ready for innocence or tears – and I got praise. Me? I did turn around to see if someone was standing behind me who should have got the praise but it was me. Go figure. It seems I do a good job at juggling all my balls in the air at one time. Well of course. I am woman. I am multi-tasker. I only stress out if I cannot get the cork out of a bottle of wine…anything else is not worth building a sweat up other. Am I a good worker? I believe in the smoke and mirrors approach to work and life. If you want someone to believe something build up the illusion until they can’t see the truth. A girl has to have some fun.

I wandered back to my office and passed my assistant who is currently not talking to me between the hours of 10:30am to 12:15pm and then between 2:35pm and 4:10pm. Why? I am nor really sure and to be honest I really am beyond trying to work her out. If she is not smacking her head into the keyboard and moaning in some unintelligible dialect, she is all smiley-faced and talking ninety to the dozen. It’s like something out of The Exorcist. I get that I drive her crazy in my refusal to line everything up on my desk as neatly as she does on hers. I like the chaos theory to my desk. And I get that my half arsed “hide that and we’ll do it tomorrow attitude” upsets her neurotic “we must do it now or the world will end” streak. Strange thing was she seemed relatively sane at the interview. I can pick ‘em can’t I? This is probably why I got the raise and the praise. I deserve danger money and recognition of dealing with the neurotic.


Anny Cook said...

Oh, good! I am a vertical filer, myself. I once went on vacation and while I was gone my boss had the idea to "clean" my desk and put all the stuff away.

Needless to say, we couldn't find anything for months. She never touched my desk again. Never.

As for neurotic co-workers... well, the less said, the better! I still shudder when I remember what it was like dealing with them.

Phoenix said...

They probably had to document a meeting as their reason for your recent raise. As they were terrified of you enough to agree in your increase, I suppose it wouldn't have done to have accounting up and revoke it. Such an event would no doubt bring out the raging Amarinda they are certain lurks beneath murky waters. Or perhaps, they wish to leak the information to the office at large just to see what effect it will have on your beloved assistant. I mean, will she actually put her skull through the monitor? Let's leak and see....