Shock, awe and aggravate...

I got handed a wad of money today. Why? Why not? I am worth it. However it was not for services rendered – I am a working girl but not that kind of working girl – not that I knock those ladies as everyone has to get by however they can. The money I got handed was for me to go off and buy all the stuff for the office I harped on about until they caved and gave in to my persistent requests. Excellent. The big honcho handed me money with the look of ‘will this shut you up for the moment?’ Oh how foolish these corporate types are. I never shut up. I am not genetically built to shut up just because someone wants me to. However I do have the right DNA for spending other people’s money.

I was told a story years ago about how as a young woman my grandmother Elsie, in the 1920’s, stood on her front verandah and waited for her ‘prince’ to come. She was a very dramatic grandmother when I was eight years old so I always pictured her as a young Mary Pickford with her cupid bow lips, draped dramatically against a verandah post, waiting for her Douglas Fairbanks to turn up. In lieu of Doug, a wild canny Scot turned up and swept her off her feet. After they married he handed her a wad of cash and said “buy whatever you like.” My grandmother like any woman worth her salt bought exactly what she wanted. She may have been a would-be silent film star but she was smart. I have most of that furniture today in my bedroom. It matches perfectly with the wild and elaborate bedhead I have that everyone swears comes from a bordello. It’s a talking piece that’s for sure. Anyway whenever I look at the furniture I think of the young Elsie and her prince.

So genetically the women in my family understand money. We can spend it and we can save it. We always have some tucked away that no one ever knows about. When my mother was dying she reminded me of her stash. She told me to go out and buy something I wanted. But at that particular moment when she said it the only thing I wanted to buy I could not have. Life sucks badly sometimes.

So, I have this money. I can buy whatever I like and I like it. It’s funny how people want to shut you up, because in reality they know you are right, persistently so, and they trust you to do the right thing. Skippy, my assistant, is in awe of my power to shock, awe and aggravate. I like to think in some small way I am doing by best to initiate her into the dark side. I don’t expect she will ever stop rigidly following rules but she has begun to believe that making mistakes is not such a horrible thing and that being polite yet to the point gets you what you want. I expect she will still slump on her desk and keen low and demonically at various points during the day but I reckon once I have the coffee maker I won’t be able to hear her.

So my point is, and I do have one, tell people what you think politely and firmly. The worst they can do is tell you to shut and the best is they can hand you money.

I read Grasshopper’s entry into the great blog saga. I thought orange nipples were bad but this – www.kellykirch.blogspot.com is for want of a better word amazing. I blame the Zen Queen Anny Cook – www.annycook.blogspot.com for leading her on with her killer zucchinis for god sake. What is a poor Aussie girl to other than to kick arse on Tuesday. What this space.

Go ahead: Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

www.freewebs.com/janetdavies