Thursday, 10 April 2008

Next stop Sunshine…

I am always up at sparrow’s every morning – I was going to say at sparrow fart but that’s vulgar so I won’t say it – anyway I am usually awake at 3-god-damn –pukeable-am and I get up at 4am. Why? Because apparently evil never sleeps and I must be paying for past sins – I have a few thousand. I can go to bed at 2am and automatically I am awake and up at 4am. Payment is a bitch. On the bright side I am considering going Goth as dark circles under your eyes is in apparently. Anyway – the point is….hmmmoh yes, I had to drop the car off for a service this morning. In my infantile wisdom I bought a car in Windsor which is several dozen suburbs away from my own. My work is a billion suburbs away from Windsor…okay maybe not a billion but lots. So, this required leaving home at 5:50am (start work at 7:30am) and driving to the mechanics that weren’t open because lets’ face it no one in their right mind is open then – leaving the car then walking 20 mins uphill to get the first of two trains to connect to work. Yes, whinge, bitch, grizzle, moan…it’s my story so I can. The first train headed into Briz city. Everyone of that train was bored looking, dressed trendy and wearing all sorts of ipodistic (new word of mine) things attached to various parts of their body. It was the train of clones. Where do we get these people who all look the same? Anyway I got off at the connecting station and caught another train to get to my work. This train headed north. It had real
workers on it – people in flanno shirts, fluro safety gear and real, kick arse boots. They swore and joked and I had to out-stare two men who decided to stare at me. Yes, I am stunning but at 6:30am in the frigging morning but you would have to offer me gold to be interested in you. I don’t become human til at least knock off time during the working week – and why do men stare at you like that? How many women actually take them up on their suggestive leer? So…where was I? Yes, I’m on the train outstaring people – yes, I am a piece of work but I am adorable in an annoying way – when the train person/announcer said “The next stop is Sunshine.” That was the station I had to get off at. The bizarre thing is that there is no suburb in Briz called Sunshine. The station is smack bang in the middle of an industrial area and it could not be less sunshiney if it tried. Who names these places and what drugs were they on when they did?

I heard on the news this morning that Australia is well placed financially to handle the oncoming recession that is expected to hit the USA this year. Yes, we all knew that was going to happen. Fingers crossed the financial gurus here are right. And yes, I believe in global peace and friendship but we don’t want your financial problems USA - thanks all the same – I’m sure you’re swell people but we don’t want to share.

There is this commercial on TV that annoys me big time. It is a car ad and a woman is standing on the roof of a car in a car yard. No, I don’t know why – I’m sure she has her reasons as anyone does when they stand on a car. Anyway, these two car salesmen ask if they can call her husband in this patronizing way as if to say clearly a man needs to take control of this crazy woman standing on the roof of a car. When did it become illegal to stand on top of a car? And does the woman need a man to deal with her standing-on-the-roof-of-a car-thing? Maybe she wants to stand there? Why is a man needed? No I have no idea what the commercial is about but it annoys me with its interference that a crazy woman can only be controlled by her husband. What if she’s single and has no husband? Huh? Who controls her then? Bloody stupid commercial people.

I went to buy a fridge this arvo. The one I have is about 18 years old and it is rusting. I believe the only thing that is holding it together is the 200 odd – I kid you not – fridge magnets. I bought it when I was broke many moons ago. It’s one you have to manually defrost. What a crap job that is. Anyway, I’ve decided it’s time to buy a new one because every time I go into house-frau mode and wipe the fridge white paint comes off.

Luckily fridge magnets cover rust. So I wandered into the store after work to look at fridges. Of course I thought I would get a stainless steel one until I saw the price. Seriously? You could buy a small car for the price of some of those. So I decided a boring white one was just as nice and amazingly cheaper. The salesman asked what features did I want in a fridge? Coldness and the ability to freeze – a bit like myself really. Have you seen those fridges with the internet in them? Why would anyone need the internet in their fridge? Is it me or is that frigging insane? What are you supposed to do? Pull up a chair to the fridge and email or surf the web? Who thinks of these ideas? And who buys them? Anyway I bought no fridge. Nothing appealed to me in the white boring line…okay and the prices did not grab me either. I like to bargain. The salesperson’s idea of a good price sucked – so no fridge. Tomorrow is another fridge day.
I have made a sacred vow to myself. I will comb my hair when it is wet instead of letting it dry then going to bed and waking up with it in knots. I was an absolute fright this morning when woke up. I screamed when I looked in the mirror and had to slap myself to calm down and realize it
was me and not the bride of Frankenstein. The other vow I made today - I squeeze the toothpaste tube in the middle and it annoys me and that by now I should have programmed myself not to do that. Clearly, I am incorrigible even to myself. From this day forth as god is my witness I will attempt to squeeze from the bottom…there is a story I could go into there but I’ll save it for another day.
Mervina, the possum from hell...I have discovered that if I stomp really hard on the floorboards she will shut the hell up and desist from kicking things off the shelves in the laundry and storeroom. See? I am one with frigging nature

Anny and Kelly are doing Anny and Kelly blog stuff – go see. Sandra’s contest is still going – see what you can win.
Go ahead: Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?


Unknown said...

Your day sounded positively fantastic. See, you are incredibly interesting. Fridges and possums and staring at strangers on trains. Plus you have the added bonus of it being Friday there already. (Right? Time zones confuse me but I always assume it is tomorrow where you are.) You rock lady!


Anny Cook said...

Love the Life posters. They're beautiful. You always have the most interesting days. Probably because you actually leave the house...

Say hello to Mervina for me.

Phoenix said...

AJ I swear you are fascinating. I look around my abode and feel completely inadequate. Other than yelling at the computer and talking to my cat, who answers, I only have the stupid ghosts.

Which yesterday kept stroking my leg and tapping my foot. I swear I thought it was the cat rubbing on me and her tail hitting my bare foot, but she was at my other side. Sheesh.

barbara huffert said...

Internet on the fridge? I need to get out more.

LynTaylor said...

LOL! Thanks for the giggle AJ.

Sunshine, eh? Only the Aussie's could get away with such sarcastic wit LOL! When I was working at the Shell Oil Refinery we used to call the sludge pits the 'Flower Garden' LOL.

Oh, and glad to hear you've got Mervina under control (of sorts)

Sandra Cox said...

Coldness and the ability to freeze. I like that!
You must be bloody exhausted. I don't see how you do it, wonderwoman.

Unknown said...

Entertaining as always. I'm not a morning person, either.

Molly Daniels said...

When I switched back to the tube toothpaste, I discovered I'm a squeezer too. I bought those things that go at the bottom of the tube, so that all the paste is squeezed toward the top, and this helps my bad habit. It works better than rolling up the tube every time!

Unknown said...

I misread this yesterday. You get up at 4 am? Even when you don't have to?
I'd die! I am NOT a morning person. Not even close.

Jacquéline Roth said...

Hello, fellow gets up before the sun person. I'm up at 4:30 every morning so I can leave the house by 6 to drive an hour and a half to work. It's only 60 miles but traffic sucks. I wish we had trains that ran where I need to go. I love going downtown. I park at a train station and hop a train.

I also need a new fridge. Mine has become incontinent and is leaving puddles on my floor. Damned annoying.

Unknown said...

I'm not a morning person. I feel for you on the public transport. In some cities it's great but not here in L.A. I know what it's like to have the freaky guy sitting next to you on the train.