Your basic Houdini move…

So, it was suggested to us when we hit Green Island – 45 mins by catamaran from Cairns - to use a stinger suit. See picture. This covers your head to your toes. Why the suit? It’s stinger season in FNQ (Far North Queensland) and being in severe pain or dead isn’t a good look unless you’re a vampire – I say this as I’ve started reading the Anita Blake series on Vampires and I have a thing for Jean Claude at the moment…read the series – you’ll know what I mean…anyway back to not wanting to be dead….so I got the suit and put it on. It’s not flattering. It’s like wearing a big condom. Now, not having penis, I’ve not actually worn a condom but it looks to be as non comfortable as that. 

The thing was a stinger suit it’s an absolute bugger to get off from your shoulders. I kid you not. I could not get the damn thing off my shoulders. I have good set of girl shoulders on me. Peeling tight lycra off those?  Hard. Difficult. A total embuggerance. I unzipped down the front and for the life of me I could not get the same fabric off my shoulders. I pulled and wiggled and swore. No good. I swore some wore. I ripped at the fabric. I whirled around aimlessly in a circle swearing as I tried to pull it off my arms. I sweated a lot, red faced with my boobs sticking out from the unzipped front. Waaay too much information for onlookers. And then I remembered that Houdini movie with Tony Curtis and Janet Leigh where he dislocated his shoulders to free himself from a straight jacket. I composed myself. I crossed my arms in front of me and thought as Houdini would. I took a deep breath and pulled at the lycra. Nothing. Fucking Houdini. What did he know? After a lot more swearing and weird body contortions that I am sure will turn up on an episode of that Neanderthal show ‘Funniest Home Videos', I pulled the stinger suit off and threw it across the beach. I swore then, in my best Scarlett O’Hara voice “As god is my witness, I will never wear a stinger suit again.”

So, I snorkelled without one. Did I get stung? Nope. What bloody stinger in its right mind is going to latch on to me? The picture below is of lovely driftwood on Green Island. I really wanted to take it home with me...