Tuesday, 6 November 2007

Oh lord or whomever is listening, get me through the week....

The race that stops a nation…

It really does. The running of Melbourne Cup literally stops Aussies in their track. It happened again today. Everyone gathers around a television at Cup time and shouts and screams for their favourite horse to romp home a winner. Before this there is a wild betting frenzy as once a year mug punters have a flutter on a horse at the TAB – the betting shop. It has been said that Aussie’s will bet on two flies crawling up a wall. We’re risk takers and we love a chance. This is why we love the Melbourne Cup. It brings a nation together. For one day of the year we all pretend we know something about horses when of course we know stuff all. There are office sweeps, fancy dress and best hat competitions and lots of food and alcohol. Did I back a winner? Nah, but that’s not the point. It’s a tradition. A way of life. I love being an Aussie.

At work…

No one was talking to me today. Now, this could be a bad thing but maybe not as I am sure you will agree men rarely chat or make conversation unless they want something. It’s just been all overly polite nodding. Whatever…but the Wall of Wankerdom, as I have been calling it, has not gone up and the precious boy who cannot sit in a room with a woman is very, very quiet. I suspect he is worried any sudden moves will be his last. Who raises men to act like this? Or is it as I deduce on mass men become all feral and he-man like expecting a woman to back down at their testosterone fueled mob rule? Not this little red-headed duck.

Highlights of the day…

- bought petrol – it’s cheaper on Tuesday’s…no one knows why
- bought milk on the way home from work – carrot supply is holding
- quel horreur! The coffee shop ran out of bucket o’coffee cups! I had to buy two pail size cups in order to stop the left eye twitching.

- It rained…for a couple of minutes…yes, it was exciting and wet. Who knew water came from the sky?
- Got three bills in the mail…excellent – don’t you just love seeing those window faced envelopes?
- Ethel emailed to suggest we rob a bank. She also offered to call in a bomb threat so I could go home early. The woman is proactive. Both options are under consideration.
- Got notification that I would not be sent obscene CD cover artwork today. What’s that you say? Yesterday I got sent, as part of my job, CD art with full frontal male nudity – today I got an email that stated “No penises today. Amarinda.” I defy anyone else to tell me they have got an email like that today as part of their job.

There has to be a pony…

This is an old tale…a kid came across a huge mountainous pile of manure. He jumped into it and started burrowing around, digging furiously. A man came along and said “What are you doing?” The kid replied, “With all this manure there has to be a pony.” So, this is my philosophy, keep looking for the pony no matter what crap is heaped upon you.

On the blog serial….

Kelly on left us with…

Emmeline tapped several sequences into her time adjusting watch, wondering why she hadn't thought of this solution before. With a wink and a flash of neon light, Emmeline transported herself to the beginning.

He was reaching in front of him for something heavy. Emmeline saw herself hiding behind the office fern. Yeah, time to fix the mess from the beginning....

Yes, bloody hell…what to do? I'm going with…

But as quickly as the image came to her it dissolved and she was standing on the parapet of a castle. A barrage of arrows flew past her ear.

“Get down you stupid wench,” A tall man in full body armour yelled at her.

Wench? Emmeline felt the wind of another arrow whiz by her nose. She ducked and not because she was told to. Arrows, armour and a castle. Probably not in Australia or Vegas anymore. “Where am I?”

“You are at the Castle of Morne.” The man responded as he continued shooting back arrows.

Bugger. “Okay, not what I expected.” Emmeline looked down at her time adjusting watch. The dial has spun around to the year 1207. Oops. “We’ll fix that.” Just as she reached over to adjust the dial back to 2007, an arrow shot her watch off. It smashed to the ground, shattering into a million pieces, as time adjusting watches were apt to do. “Oh crap!”

“You are from King Ethelred?” The man turned and looked at her with hope in his eyes.

“Um, ah…okay,” Emmeline murmured deciding to go along with what he said until she could think of a better plan.

“What news do you have?”

“Ah, yes, news…the King is well.” Emmeline said as she dodged incoming arrows. “He got a new crown that he’s mighty pleased about and the Queens is…”

“Damn it woman you know what I need to hear.” The man’s voice was filled with anxiety. “Did you bring it?”

It? Crap, what was it?

So it's now up to Anny on Who knows where this tale will go next?
Go ahead: Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?


barbara huffert said...

In college I helped devise the prefect plan for robbing a cash machine. True, not as much money as a bank but much better odds of success without capture. I'd be happy to share the details with you, AJ.

Take a few minutes to chat with your colleagues. It'll scare the bejesus out of them and keep them off balance.

Brynn Paulin said...

>>“No penises today. Amarinda.” I defy anyone else to tell me they have got an email like that today as part of their job.<<

Damn it!!! I never get cool stuff like this. Generally, I must say, I like it when the men people are silent. They're less annoying.

Molly Daniels said...

I love the comment "The Wall of Wankerdom"...Priceless!

Anny Cook said...

Ethelred. What an interesting mind you have.

So glad you enjoyed your rain. I hope you get a few more drops.

Bronwyn's Blog said...

I know some people who deserve a Wall of Wankerdom. Perhaps I could commsission the instaltion of some.

Kelly Kirch said...

You know, you could probably get the little boy cowering in your office to wet himself if you read that email outloud... just to yourself as though he's not there. Then kinda glance over at his desktop, at a spot directly above his manly part. Give it a thoughtful look and then go back to your book writing.

Anny Cook said...

Evil, wicked woman, Kelly! I'm much less subtle. I'd probably be playing with a letter opener when I said that.