Friday, 16 November 2007

Bad habits and maniacal parakeets

I have a few dozen bad habits. Yes, I know, you are probably shocked as I come across so sweet and accommodating. What are my bad habits? These are but some –

- I am messy. I do not always put stuff away. It can stay for weeks in the same place until I get around to doing something about it. My theory is everything needs to have a ‘rest’ before it finds its proper place.
- I interrupt people who are waffling on about nothing as life is too damn short to be listening to crap.
- I sing very loudly and off key to the same songs over and over until people beg for sanctuary. See? People seek peace when with me.
- I have vengeful and vindictive. Cross me and die – can’t help- it it’s a Scorpio thing.
- I am bossy. It’s my way – the right way – or the highway.
- I am always right and when I’m not then the wind changed or something.
- I cannot format a manuscript to save myself…no surprise to my editor.

I could go on and on. These are just some. I am flawed. Despite this, I love me. What bad habits do you have? I asked some writer friends there bad habits….

- I eat too fast. After years of shoveling food in as fast as I could because of an overloaded lifestyle, I still find it difficult to eat slowly.

- Hmmm…How about reading authors' blogs and insane sagas instead of editing books??
Anonymous – no truly, if I told you who this was I would have to kill you.

- I finger fidget. If I'm thinking and distracted, I pick at fuzz on the couch, scratch at the surface moles on my arm, rub my cheek, click my nails on the table top. I have to consciously stop myself from doing those things because it drives me nuts to see other people who similarly fidget. Double standards leave a sour taste in my mouth and I don't like that about me.

- My bad habit, okay one of them:) is checking emails before I start writing..

- crack and eat pistachio. I crack them with a delightful noise that makes anyone present go nuts(LOL) after an hour. Chew gum with a special little click I have developed that makes hubby say, stop that.
-Spending wayyyyy too much time playing solitaire and other on-line games when I should be getting my work done.
-I speak up when I should keep my big mouth shut and when I should speak up think of what to say ten minutes later.

Like carrot juice through the through the hour glass so are the days of Emmeline…

On Kelly left us with….

What the heck is going on here?" Emmeline demanded.

Beaky Sprott exchanged a look with mini-Jonas who sat upon a hamster's back with a specially fitted saddle. Was that Rinalda? Looked like her with those ridiculous sparkling fake eyelashes and the strapless pushup bra. "It's an intervention. We're all here for you Emmeline. It will be okay."

Dai grabbed her with super-human strength and sank his teeth into her calf.
What a load of….here is my version…

“I put one hundred dollars on the quilled woman to win,” Oz swiped another handful of popcorn from the bowl on the table and stared into the crystal ball. “I reckon she’ll kick blue boy’s teeth in. Warrior women don’t muck around.”

The Trio of Possible Terror, Oz, Sparky and Lawrence the parakeet, had been following Emmeline’s movements with interest. They knew she was the key to their survival.

“Oh please, the blue guy has the death grip on her.” Sparky took a slug of his Tequila and lime.

“Can we get back to the issue at hand?” Lawrence, the parakeet squawked as he paced angrily back and forth on his perch. Bloody humans never took anything seriously. “We have no money so what’s the point of betting?”

“It’s fun.” Oz threw a handful of popcorn at him.

Lawrence shook his feathers free of salt. “We are supposed to work out how to manipulate the warrior woman and yet you two are pissing around wasting time.”

“You’re just annoyed that The Mary got the better of you,” Sparky taunted the bird.

“Shut up!” That the bitch known as The Mary treated him so badly still ruffled his magenta feathers. “I have a plan.” Lawrence knew every great battle had a commander and he was the Winston Churchill of parakeets.

“Uh huh…” Oz murmured, eyes glued on the crystal.

“Pay attention!” He demanded, annoyed that his voice broke into a screech. It was so not cool when that happened. He could see Sparky snicker. He would be the first one Lawrence killed when he had the loot. “Here’s what we will do…”

What will Anny do tomorrow on I have a feeling The Mary may come back. And what of Grasshopper? Where did she hop off to and is she hopping back soon? Same Emmeline time, same Emmeline channel tomorrow….
Go ahead: Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?


Sandra Cox said...

Your bad habits are hilarious and I'm so glad there's another 'messy' author out there. grin.

Kelly Kirch said...

At least two Sandra. I'm hardly tidy. AJ and Anny are ying and yang. I feel balanced now.

Molly Daniels said...

Add me to the messy list...when I'm 'in the zone', the housework slides.

I bite my nails and sometimes put my foot in my mouth...and when I'm completely tactless or sleep-deprived, it tends to be both feet...

Anny Cook said...

Good thing you didn't talk to Jane...she'd have given you a long list of my bad habits.

Good save on the Saga, Amarinda!