Friday, 16 May 2008

And if you love him
Oh, be proud of him
Cause after all he's just a man
Stand by your man
Give him two arms to cling to
And something warm to come to
when nights are cold and lonely

Stand by Your Man

I drove to work singing Tammy Wynette songs - primarily - Stand By Your Man - at the top of my lungs. I am an appalling singer but that does not stop me. All week I have been singing along to Pinks 'get-out-of-my-face-attitude-songs' because it has been a week like that. But today is Friday and it requires more dramatic loud to hell-with-everything-primarily-work songs. I think you'll agree Tammy had some dramatic songs. Dusty Springfield was good at that too. They're farewell, I'll-get-by-without-you-and-the-dog-just-leave-me-the-gin songs. Okay maybe not appropriate for some people but I like my Fridays dramatic because it's the start of the weekend and everything is possible.

I walked into work this morning and people were selling fund raising chocolates. Now I have never been able to walk past a chocolate in my life. It’s a genetic disorder which I have no intention of getting counseling for. I believe the eating of fund raising chockies to be a noble thing to do because the money is going to a good cause and therefore there is no fat transference to the eater of said charity chockie.

When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.”--Elayne Boosler quotes

So, as per the usual work day, best friend Ethel emailed me from her work place across town. Basically she said “Lucy”- only she calls me that and its started as a code when we were in trouble and it stuck. “Lucy, all men suck and are guided purely by their penises and how can you possibly write about romance when all men are stupid?” Okay then...sounds like her husband…er…Fred…is going to have a tense evening. I personally do not believe all men suck - yes, some do, others blow, while the rest are okay. They're just a different species to women and sometimes it's hard to remember that isn’t it? As for writing romance - well, the very essence of romance is that the male is not sucky. I tend to avoid the hero coming across like that. Oh sure, he'll make mistakes and come across as an all knowing pain in the bum but he's loveable in that charming, incorrigible way. I believe that's what people want to read - real but flawed characters who eventually get their acts together and admit they love each other. As for these sucky men at Ethel’s workplace with their penises that seem to be annoying her...what can I say? Don’t look. Don’t touch and try to avoid said suckiness. If men suck = annoy - what do they do that annoys you the most? You can tell me – no men read this blog.

Quirky is sexy, like scars or chipped teeth. I also like tattoos - they're rebellious.
Jennifer Aniston

I have this fascination with tattoos at the moment. I saw this guy today with the most amazing tatt. He let me have a closer look at it. He was very proud of it and it was a beauty. I won’t say where it was or what it looked like as I plan to write it into a book. Anyway, I was never a big fan of tattoos until recently when I wrote Last Man Standing. And, to be honest I really only think they look good on men. There is something that seems so masculine about them. I used to have this neighbor who was a Maori. He had a tattoo that covered his face as per his tradition. His wife told me it frightened a lot of people. I found it quite fascinating. Anyway I expect I'll snap out of that whole tatt phase soon or maybe not…I quite like men with an earring too…

Sexy as socks on a rooster” -- unknown

Want to get people’s attention? Wear bright yellow socks. I had them on today with my Doc Marten Mary Janes and people seem to be riveted by the black and yellow striped socks. I like striped socks. I have quite a collection. But I have found people often stare at them as you cross you legs and your pants leg rises up. To be honest I don’t stare at people’s socks. What's the fascination? Can someone tell me please...or alternatively what do you find yourself staring at and you can’t help yourself?

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?” -- Phyllis Diller

I always go for a walk in my lunch hour just to get out of the office environment. I can’t stand walking from my desk to the lunchroom and then back to my desk. My arse in big enough without adding the extra sitting into the equation. Anyway I was walking along and I came across an unopened pack of condoms – obviously fallen out of a pocket. Boy, someone is probably missing those. It always amuses me the brand name on condoms. Mt Olympus, Apollo, Humongous - ok, I may have made that last one up. But they are always big, beefy, powerful names. These were 'Trojans'. Yes, to be a Trojan is in theory to be strong and enduring -a nice image for any man. However I always think of Trojans allowing the Greeks into Troy in the wooden horse and what a mistake that was. Hmmm…not sure I could take a man with Trojan condoms seriously but when in Rome…or Troy....

"If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun."-- Katharine Hepburn
Oh dear…I caused an 'incident' today. I was trying to look at someone’s blog at work and a big red warning sign came up telling me I was naughty and the incident was recorded and something about death and destruction would descend upon me. Excellent…I have always said you cannot have too much death and destruction on a Friday arvo. Anyway, soon someone came out and pointed out the error of my ways. I nodded and tried to look appropriately sorry even thought I was contemplating what to eat for dinner at the same time they were warning me. So, apparently it is now on record that I am bad to the bone. Naturally I am terribly worried - not about the record thing - but I can't decide what to have for dinner...

Please take a squiz at Anny’s blog - she is always most enlightening. Then have a look at Kelly’s to get your perkiness quota filled.
Go ahead: Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?


Phoenix said...

Oh dear. I do hope you figured out what to have for dinner. That's most distressing.

cowlicks. Cowlicks make me stare though not for long. Mostly I begin thinking about the origins of the name "cowlick" and if cowlicked person stuckt their head by a cow and say, "go on, have a lick". Then I go into the saliva thoughts.... So it's not really the cowlick at all, just the thought process which always follows it.

Katie Reus said...

I worked at an insurance company for all of two weeks and a message like that kept popping up (b/c apparently I didn't get that I shouldn't be looking at certain my email). Unfortunately it was under my trainer's name and I quit after two weeks (out of sheer boredom) I always hoped I never got her in trouble.

Hmmmm, socks? I stare at anyone w/ socks, but only b/c I'm fascinated. I don't like anything restrictive on my feet and only wear flip-flops or sandals. (I'm a Florida girl)

The man annoys me sometimes, but I'm sure I annoy him even more. It's a tradeoff ;)

Anny Cook said...

Ah, I too have a huge sock collection. We could probably trade.

Only you could go for a walk and find condoms. I never find anything interesting.

Hope you decided what to have dinner. It is a perplexing problem, isn't it?

barbara huffert said...

I do so love matching my footwear to my mood. Even better because few ever get it. Sometimes it's socks. Sometimes it's shoes. Sometimes it's a combination. Occasionally someone works up the nerve to ask. The look that follows the explanation is priceless.

So what was dinner?

Mona Risk said...

Great blog, thanks for the laugh. I'm standing by my man. He's a good one, handsome and smart, and so generous and helpful. Okay I better let him read this so he'd let me type in peace today.LOL

Now I love your theory about chocolate. Unfortunately I have an allergy to chocolate, sort of. As soon as I eat a chocolate it turns into fat that settled on my hips and belly. Bab, bad allergy.

Molly Daniels said...

I always wear my colorful holiday socks to the dr's, so he, ah, a-hem...has something better to look at! The ones with the jingle bells cracked him up once:)

Unknown said...

I like socks. I buy lots at the dollar store. Ones with c ats and baseball and cuffs. Anything cute. The daughter always steals the ones with anything to do with softball.