Two days to the weekend...

So, I pissed someone off today. No, not an unusual occurrence when I am asked to give an honest opinion. When I did, the person told me they weren’t happy with the opinion given. Well, hello? Why ask for one and why waste both of our times when you know honesty from me will be just that. I used to work with a bloke called ...er…Ben . I was a half arsed waitress and he was a cranky chef. In my waitressing experience most chefs are cranky and emotional but that could have to do with me being a crap waitress and doing stuff like inadvertently talking and waving a pen and order pad around, when I should have been working, and the pen flying from my hand and landing in this massive deep fryer. He got slightly ticked that he had to drain it and clean it in the middle of an evening shift. But other than that he was quite a intriguing man in a Heathliff sort of way…sigh…head slap…move on…so Ben…he used to say to me ‘why give an opinion when you know people don’t want honesty? Do you want honesty all the time?’ Well, as I pointed out to Heathcliff there are different types of honesty aren’t there? And I can’t stop myself from giving an opinion even though said opinion asker will cross me off their Christmas card list. What happened to Ben/Heathcliff? Ah…I tell myself he is married with 300 kids and completely happy. That’s a different type of honesty.

Anyway, off things that can never be…the opinion I gave was via email. Now this is always tricky as you have to word it correctly so not as to offend. Often, due to speaking fluent Aussie, some things I say come across the wrong way so I try and be careful but stuff happens. I got a stroppy email back saying basically I could stick my opinion in my ear – I would but there are so many others in there – and never email me again. Well the thing is I never emailed them in the first place. And it’s also hard to indicate the level of angst and pissed-offed-ness when you can’t see the person. I find people tend to retaliate more nastily by email because they can’t see you and words they would never say face to face just pour out…and that’s a good thing – spleen venting is cathartic and maybe venting by email should be a international sport. I think that will be another plank in my when I run the world platform.

So giving opinions is dangerous and yet some of the best opinions people have given me about myself have been absolutely brutal and terrible but bloody excellent and I have learned immensely from them. Opinions are hard to give and take. Is it better to shut up and nod and smile and say ‘ooh, that’s really lovely’ or say ‘hey, the emperor is butt ugly naked and what’s with all of you people saying he’s not?’ So, do you give opinions are not? Will I stop giving opinions? No…I need to write less Christmas cards anyway.

On opening my edits for Tantalizing Tilly the first comment in the margin was “AAAARRRGGGHHH!” Yes, I drive my editor mad. I have almost weened myself off the people are who and not that thing. I am a trial and a tribulation and I would have told me to piss off long ago if I was her. Beaucoup thanks Ed.
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An acquaintance and I were talking about various things and we got onto the topic of Gumby. How? Because of sex. Huh? Well he mentioned my blog from yesterday when I said something along the lines of ‘can a woman bend over backwards that far.’ Yes, yet another deep and meaningful conversation in life. Anyway he said that a female Gumby could of course bend over backwards. You know I have never thought of Gumby being female. Actually to be honest, I never thought of Gumby and sex in the same sentence. He said there would have to be female Gumbys to mate with the male ones. No, he’s normally relatively sane. I asked how could you even tell if a Gumby was male or female and to be honest why is it necessary to know unless you were another Gumby? He said 'There would be a way if you were another Gumby to tell as Gumby civilization would depend on it.' The conversation pretty much degenerated from there, as they do, when you’re talking trash. But think about it…are there lonely Gumby’s out there looking for their other rubber half?

Every so often this most dazzling man crosses my path and I think to myself maybe there is a god. You know the type I mean? You think - wow - sex on a stick and my hormones, which only react evilly once a month, suddenly go on red alert as they do in cases like this – that and when chocolate is on offer. Some men are just so very nice to look at.

By the way – for all those who asked is Mervina is an opossum – no she’s not. She is a fair dinkum Aussie possum. We have our own you know. We don’t import them - unlike the bloody cane toads - they can go back to where they came from with our blessing - nasty arsed little bastards.

Last night the government brought down the budget. It was the usual thing - some people hated and others loved it, while others were just confused. Myself? I looked at my pay slip today and the amount of tax that I pay and I though - hmmm...why am I working again? If it wasn’t for the fact I look terrible in orange and I suspect I would get sick of shaking a tambourine and I couldn’t live in a commune because I need my privacy and I don’t share – I would probably join some weird cult where no one works.

Best friend Ethel emailed me at work today – okay – no surprise there – we email all day – but she emailed to tell me someone was going to jump off the Gateway bridge and it had been closed to traffic. This is a major bridge across the Brisbane River dividing north and south and to close it means huge traffic problems. I mentioned the jumper to the queen of all that is boring and proper – this is the woman who has been in the same job for 100 years - and she said “Good, let him jump and kill himself.” No, she has no personality or life. I though for a moment that may have been a joke but for the fact she did not smile. When he did not die she was disappointed. I swear the woman has the caring and personality of a 3 week old dead fish.

Frig…has time suddenly sped up or what? I have no time to do anything anymore – you know what I mean – you’re in the same boat or in this case on the same treadmill. Someone again made the mistake of telling me how lucky I am that I don’t have kids and how unlucky they are – holy snapping ducks! I pointed out to this person that you make your choices in life – did someone put a gun to your head and make you get married and have kids? No? Well piss off and leave me alone. No one – I repeat – no one has time regardless who or what they are anymore. It’s not an exclusive right of those with kids. Okay – vent over….

www.freewebs.com/amarindajones/
Go ahead: Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?