You're terrible Muriel...

There is a commercial on television at the moment where an animated banana is running for its life. It runs along roof tops, jumps over things, shinnies down a fire escape, hides panting behind objects in its desperate plight to avoid destruction. It’s quite a dramatic commercial. I was on the edge of my seat watching it. What is it about? Breath fresheners – of course. The banana is trying to escape the same fate of donuts and other unhealthy foods – they get obliterated by the mouth fresheners. Interestingly this is often followed by a commercial that promotes people eating 5 serves of vegetables a day and two of fruit. Last check - a banana is a fruit and on most accounts healthy for you. Let the banana run free I say. I think I'll set up a petition.

Speaking of donuts…I passed by this well known international donut shop and people were lined up for a block…for a donut. I don’t understand. A donut? You’re waiting for a donut? It’s fried dough with icing or cream or something similar on it. Now I like eating unhealthy crap as much as the next person but it’s a donut. Am I missing something? What’s the big deal? Can someone please explain why people line up to buy fried dough and is that fried dough different to any other fried dough by any other company… I don’t get it….

What else I don’t get is the pressing need for people to have job titles. It has been discussed ad nauseum at work. Yes, I suppose some people need to be called something at work in order to feel like they belong but honestly as long as I’m paid and Ida, my car, can slot into a car space at work and I can run screaming from the building at 4pm on the knocker that’s really all I require. Does self esteem require a title? Or can you get by without one? I’m serious…is a title at work important to you?

So, I’ve had this glandular thing for the past couple of days that has had me dragging my arse around. Everyone keeps telling me I ‘look terrible.’ Oh bugger off. I am not good at being sick. I’m too impatient to be good at it. Some people are though…have you noticed? Mind you they aren't all that sick but manage to make their dying swan sick act quite an art form . We had a woman at Promptel, called er…Sharon. She was excellent at being sick. She would be sick for days on end. Truly you would not see her for weeks and then she would suddenly appear hale and hearty and act like nothing had happened. She would sit down, do her job and then the next day she would
be gone again. Of course, we all later found out she was working at another job at the same time and trading on sick leave at both. I really admired her as she had no scruples at all when it came to work and always had management in an amazing state of pissed-offed-ness at her sick leave. Why they let it go on for so long I never knew.

I got offered two free light bulbs when I got home this arvo. Yes, how exciting. I got out of the car and this official looking woman with a badge and paraphernalia of one of the electric companies was waiting at my door. I loathe door knock people. Did I ask you to come? No? Well what are you doing here and especially after work? Anyway she went into her "stay with our company for electricity supply and we’ll give you a gift." Oh yeah? What? Two free long life, light bulbs. Woo hoo! Where do I sign my life away on a 24 months contract for two light bulbs? Seriously light bulbs as an incentive? I believe in deregulation and competition but light bulbs are no incentive for me. She was most disappointed I would not sign. What she did do was also offer me
a free shower head as well. A showerhead? Seriously? That’s an enticement? Yes, most amusing in a drought. But alas I resisted and did not sign. I get the fact that was her job but how many people sign up for 2 light bulbs? And how annoyed would you be if you did not hold out for the shower head as well?

'Got home this arvo and the internet was not working - again. Well it’s been a week since the last problem. Anyway, I was not in the mood to deal with it so I rang up and stamped by size 8’s loudly and used big, annoyed sounding words and the problem got fixed. This is hysterical as this morning I got this email from Promptel about reasons why the internet may not work and why they are such a swell company and why I should not defect to the enemy. Oh I’m defecting baby. Anyway common problems, as far as Promptel is concerned – none of them have anything to with them of course…

- have you turned the computer on?
- have you put in the correct password?
- have you paid the bill?
- is the power on in your house?
- have you clicked on the internet icon?
- do you know how to find the internet icon?
- have you used the internet before?

By the way – no problems are apparently caused by Promptel. It’s all the customer’s fault. Yes, they are absolutely serious…roll on Saturday when I am away from these intellectual giants.

Oh, and I never heard back from anonymous…damn shame that. I wanted to understand the anonymous culture.

Just quickly – why, when we have so many other problems in the world, is the news media fixating on Tom Cruise’s interview with Oprah? Huh? What happened to real news? Get over yourself Tom

Thank god for pseudoephedrine...I am now going to collapse on the sofa in my pj’s and scoff pills.

Anny and Kelly are all sparkly and wise and to the best of my knowledge drug free. Go check ‘em out.

www.freewebs.com/amarindajones/
Go ahead: Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?