Monday, 14 July 2008

Pukeable Monday…

Sometimes it pays to stay in bed in Monday, rather than spending the rest of the week debugging Monday's code” -- Dan Salomon

I took a bomb (sleeping pill) last night to attempt some decent sleep. I work up this morning like a cast member from the living dead. Whoa baby! Thems powerful pills. I staggered out - literally, loose flannelette pj pants falling down, bed socks half off my feet, hair all over the place and then I blinded myself when I turned the light on.Get the picture? I am absolutely fucking gorgeous in the morning. Anyway, I turned on the radio and Pat Benatar was singing 'Hit me with your best shot' and I thought it would take very little for even the ‘2nd best shot’ to push me over at the moment. I would probably curl up on the floor and continue sleeping off the drug.

Monday…what's that about? Why is this pukeable day necessary in our lives? When I run the world there will be no Mondays. They are ridiculous days and I don’t see why we have to put with them. Anyone interested in signing a “Get rid of Mondays petition?”

Ten reasons I hate Monday

1. Ancient civilization named Monday after the moon. No one reacts well when the moon is full or waxing or waning or whatever it does, so what a stupid name to call a day. Bloody ancient people what were they thinking? I believe it's all their fault Monday's suck.

2. People expect you to be fresh at the start of the new working week. How dumb is that? The weekend you run yourself ragged doing stuff you want to so it's highly unlikely you are going to be fresh on Monday - that's just e = mc squared stuff. Besides I don’t get paid enough to feign freshness on a Monday - pay me more and I'll give it a shot.

3. People ask you to remember stuff you did last week. Oh hard…if it was important last week then they should remember it not me

4. I cannot add up on a Monday. I choose to blame my whiz bang calculator – evil devil spawned machine.
5. People save up questions from the weekend to ask you – why this, what? Oh lordy, have you people nothing else to do but plague me on a Monday? Come back tomorrow after lunch.

6. Someone has to tell me every dreary thing they did on the weekend. Singing la-la-la and putting your hands over you ears does not deter them as they have a pressing need to get their story out and for some reason they think I care – not on frigging Monday I don't.

7. Money spent on caffeine on a Monday - if we had no Mondays we would all be caffeine free. I think it's a plot to do with the coffee companies to make us spend more and become all twitchy and addicted. This is not proven but I am working on it.

8. Time goes extra slowly on a Monday - no it's true, no matter how much you stare at the clock on the wall, the watch on your wrist and the time display on the computer the day drags.

9. Management wants you to come up with ideas on a Monday. Really? Why? Can’t you think for yourself? I'm trying to write a book here!

10. Humongous Bills - or Williams cause they’re big enough to be called that - without fail will arrive on a Monday. This causes me to stagger from the mailbox having to contemplate using a bloody calculator again in my numerically challenged Monday state.

So - Amarinda proposal 21.a.c to the United Nations - do us all a bloody favour and outlaw Mondays…thank you.

In conclusion. I hate Mondays. If you want something from me - don't ask me on a Monday unless fear is no factor to you

Mondays are pukeable –- Amarinda Jones
Spoke to mother of gun slinging child next door. See Saturday blog. As expected mother is a dipstick and can see no wrong in her Neanderthal child. I said – “Very happy for you but be aware if he arcs up again and starts shooting stuff I will call the cops straight up and you can explain how 'nice' your drip of a son is to the boys in blue. Okay? Have a nice day.”

I got a fun email yesterday. It made me laugh. I was asked to be on one of the panels for the Australian Readers Romance Convention. What is that?
Click here. Don’t want to know then click here. Not into clicking because it’s Monday? Fair enough – I understand. Anyway, the topic? Get down and dirty with erotic romance. Hysterical. I said sure why not? It's all just a bit of fun. No idea what I will be up for but I'm game. I must mention my long suffering editor will be on the panel with me - double trouble there. Best friend Ethel said and I quote, bar the swearing, ‘what a F*&%king crack up.’ See? Friends always know the right stuff to say.

Monday…over and out
Go ahead: Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?


barbara huffert said...

Though I agree with all your points Mondays are a necessary evil. Without them Tuesdays would be pukeable and I like Tuesdays. It would be a shame to ruin them.

Anika Hamilton said...

Or management piles up your email with questions you are supposed to respond to by 9 am. As if. I don't even start thinking on a Monday until way past 10 am, if they are lucky, later if they are not. *grin*

Great (and oh so true) list.

Anny Cook said...

I staggered out of bed at 10:30 AM on MY Monday. Ugh. Not ready for the rest of this week!

Mona Risk said...

AJ I have a solution for your Mondays. Offer your employer to work on Sundays and take Mondays off. My daughter had to do it for a year as a brandnew doctor. She hated it.

Katie Reus said...

I hibernate in my cave on Mondays :) And now that I'm not drinking coffee, Mondays are even more 'fun'. Blech!

Sandra Cox said...

I'm not with the United Nations, pity that:) but I'm in favor of Amarinda proposal 21.a.c

Unknown said...

Today was the worst Monday ever. I took almost 100 phone calls, half from irate donors. I worked 11 1/2 hours with only a 20 minute break. I forgot my lunch at home and didn't have time to run out and get more so I bought a bag of pretzels and people took pity on me and shared some grapes, crackers, and a Chinese chicken wing with me. Usually on Monday, people do call with their stored questions from the weekend, but this was way work than even normal. Ugh! I am so wrung out and I'm afraid tomorrow won't be much better.

Anika Hamilton said...

I think the picture with the baby faced all screwed up is my favorite picture. Everytime I see it I smile. Thx... I'm going to have to bookmark this blog post or something.