Thursday, 20 March 2008

Bunny Boilers...

Amarinda speaks exclusively to the Easter Bunny….

A – I imagine you would pretty busy at this time of the year
B –‘Flat out like a lizard drinking but it’s worth it to see the pleasure in people’s faces.
A – So giving people chocolate eggs makes you happy?
B- That’s my job to spread joy
A- Let’s cut the crap shall we? Tell us about Bunny Boilers
B – I have no idea what you are talking about.
A- Bunny Boilers is a rapid weight loss clinic that targets people straight after Easter. You own controlling interest in this clinic
B – I have money carefully placed in various investments
A – I see – and are these your words in the Bunny Boilers brochure under your picture? "Burn blubber fatso?"
B – Okay yes, but the clinic is all to do with tough love when it comes to weight.
A – And the ‘clinic’ charges for this tough love?
B- We are trying to help people and that has overheads.
A – I see your biggest marketing push is just after Easter, Christmas and Valentine’s Day.
B – That’s just purely coincidence
A- Is it also ‘coincidence’ that an S. Claus and a Mr Cupid are listed as the second biggest shareholders? I put it to you Bunny Boy that you, Santa and Cupid are running a dodgy weight loss scheme by cashing in on holidays that induce people to overeat.
B- You misunderstand our philosophy
A-That you cash in on love and religion to make a profit?
B- Yes - I mean no – you’re putting words in my mouth.
A – Is it also true that you and Mrs Claus had a wild fling two Christmases ago when the Santa was out on a run and you have an illegitimate half bunny child?
B – Stupid woman was supposed to be on the pill. Jeeze, we breed like rabbits you know. It’s all Cupid’s fault. He set us up you know.
A – Really?
S – Cupid wanted to take over Bunny Boilers and thought getting me and Mrs S together would induce Santa to try a takeover bid
and shaft me. But there is no Bunny Boilers without the Bunny
A – So does Easter mean anything to you other than profit and loss?
B - You’re making me look like a bad bunny
A – Well, you’re making money out of induced weight gain and you’re an adulterer
B – I’m cute and I wiggle my tail.
A – I, and many other people, need more than a fluffy arse.

Woo hoo! We have Good Friday and Easter Monday off as public holidays in Oz. Yippee! Yes, I am extremely dedicated to my job. Now, I am not the slightest bit religious – please no attempts at conversion – however I know many people are. So religious or non religious what plans have you this Easter? I plan to write much, mow the lawn and hem up pants. Honestly why do they mark things as regular lengths then when you put them on they are way too long? What is regular? I know I’m on the shortish side but come on. Most annoying. You can only staple up pant leg hems for so long. Yes, much excitement at Chez Amarinda…not.

Speaking of excitement - Rose Quartz by Sandra Cox is out today. Click on the cover to buy and enjoy. Go on, you deserve to spoil yourself with a great book. You can blame me for making you buy it – I have broad shoulders.

Rose Quartz – the blurb

Isabella Tremaine's credo is always look your best even when you're running from the bad guys.

This modern Southern Belle has an ancient secret. Bella, as Isabella is known to her friends, is the possessor of a primeval amulet empowered by the gods with creativity and beauty, and this spunky blonde has an abundance of both. Unfortunately a madman has discovered Bella's secret and is determined to gain possession of the amulet, even if he must kill her to do so. It will take every wile in Bella's formidable arsenal of tricks to outwit the megalomaniac who is after her.

At the same time the madman is trying to steal her amulet, a ranch hand is trying to steal her heart. Bella is determined to not only stay alive but to keep her size five stilettos foot loose and fancy free. Who will prove the greater danger? The madman who wants her amulet or the ranch hand who wants her heart?

The excerpt…

He rolled his eyes then glanced down at their clasped hands. He stared at them for a long moment then raised his head and looked into her eyes. Something elemental and raw as lightning flashed between them.
Her muscles loosened and her lips parted. She raised her face to his. He was going to kiss her and she was going to let him.
His heated gaze swept over her features then he dropped her hands and took a step back. “Are you into casual relationships?”
Her head jerked up. After Jeffrey’s comment it felt like Hank had just slapped her. “Are you, cowboy?”
“Not with you.”
“What does that mean?” she fired back fisting her hands on her hips.
“Figure it out.”
She raised an eyebrow. “I wasn’t going to jump your bones just kiss you.”
“One of us would have been jumping bones and the other would have been responding.”
Heat shot through her, flushing her face. “That sounds rather arrogant.”
“Only if it’s not true.”
“Well,” was all she could think to say.
She touched her amulet.
“Don’t do that, Bella.” His eyes darkened, color rode high on his lean weathered cheeks.
“Do what?” she stalled.
“And don’t play games. I’m sure you are good at it, but I admire the way you can call a spade a spade even if it is dressed up with sugar and goo.”

She heaved a sigh. “Actually I was trying for some inspiration when I touched the amulet. I don’t quite know what to make of you, Hank McHenry.”
“Oh you know what to make of me all right,” his crispy Yankee vowels softened and went as smooth as malt whiskey. “It’s us you don’t know what to make of.” He shrugged, his thumbs still hooked in his pockets. “Neither do I. I’m pushing fifty, Bella and I feel like an awkward teenager with his first crush on a girl. You are way out of my league. And this is way more talkin’ than I’m used to doing. ” He ran his fingers through his hair in a restless gesture. “Listen to me, I sound like a babbling fool.”
“That’s one thing it would be impossible for you to sound like, Hank McHenry.” For a moment her guard was down. The sugared southern belle persona set firmly aside. Staring up at him, she jumped when the call box sounded.
He looked at her in disbelief, “Is it always this busy around here?”
Still off center she just stood looking at him.
She blinked and reached automatically for her amulet but he caught her hand and held it in a gentle clasp.
“Don’t. If you ratchet up your beauty one more notch I won’t be responsible. You don’t need this for a creative response. You’ve got a good mind, woman, use it.”

Anny is contemplating her navel on and Kelly is deciding whether to shave her head on Yes, I know they’re odd but what can you do but support your friends even if they are insane.
Go ahead: Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?


Anny Cook said...

Okay. Bunny Boiler, eh? Good thing I wasn't drinking my coffee or it would be all over the monitor. Very, very good. Snort!

Mona Risk said...

This is the funniest and smartest Bunny I've ever heard of. Hilarious interview Amarinda.

On Ester Day, my daughter, her DH and two daughters are coming to spend the day at the beach and then lunch at Nonna. I guess I'm cooking on Saturday.

Kelly Kirch said...

Best line to date: I, and many other people, need more than a fluffy arse.

LOL. Thanks AJ.

captain corky said...

"Is it also true that you and Mrs Claus had a wild fling two Christmases ago when the Santa was out on a run and you have an illegitimate half bunny child?"

LOL! That would be a very scary looking creature. I wonder if it would bake cookies, or slaughter children...

barbara huffert said...

To quote Bruce Willis in Hudson Hawk - "Bad Bunny".

Sandra Cox said...

I love the holiday interviews. What a hoot.
Thanks for blogging Rose:)

Georgie Lee said...

Cute interview. Regular is a useless size mark. I'm too tall for petite and too short for regular. Hemming is the one kind of sewing I can do.
I'm spending Easter with the fam, eating out this year. No mess, no clean-up!

Ashley Ladd said...

Methinks you are the insane one, but I love it and love the bad bunny. LOLOL

Selena Illyria said...

LMAO! I loved your interview with the Easter Bunny. LOL. Hugs.