It’s life Jim but not as we know it…

How do you like this cover for Penned Again? Once again the Cover Gods have smiled on Amarinda. What’s the book about? Well, I am yet to write a blurb but basically it’s about a demon, Penn Ripley, who takes on a bet to win his mortal wife back. Arlo is a little pissed off that Penn did not tell her the truth about who he was. So when he turns up in her life again, Arlo’s not happy and despite the wisdom of a helpful Spellbinder and the threat of demonic attack, she’s not about to forgive without a lot of sucking up from Penn.

So the internet line was stuffed. It was in the lap of the gods or more to the point in the hands of the Keystone Cops called Promptel – code name for crap phone company – as to when it would be fixed. It was most annoying and naturally it’s the sort of thing that always happens at the worst possible time. But then, that’s life isn’t it?

When I rang up my ISP they, as expected, told me it was all my fault. I used to work for this chicken shite outfit and I knew all the moves of denial they would go with. So I spruiked (reeled off) all the excuses/reasons for no service as I knew they would use just to get them out of the way. Yes, I have paid my bill. Check your records. Yes, I have unplugged all the other equipment on the line. No, I have no security systems that would interfere with the internet. No, there has been no fire, flood or famine in my area to affect the lines. And no, before you ask, I have not tampered with the line. Nor has a herd of wildebeests gnawed on the line. I have not been worshipping the devil, nor sticking my tongue in the phone sockets and golly gee yes, I do have the power plugged in.

The consultant – let’s call him Wayne – said “well your phone line is clearly disconnected.” Genius – not. “Wayne I’m speaking on the line to you now. This is not a physic connection. This is your network error and you need to fix it asap.” Wayne, foolish mortal that he is, suggested I wait a couple of hours to se if it ‘sorts itself out.’ “Wayne – please run away and find a supervisor.” Betty came on the line. She instantly understood I was not some average dumb customer to be fobbed off with the usual Promptel bullshite. She tested the line. It was ‘bad’ apparently. “It’s somewhere between the exchange and your home. The techie will have to check the entire line from the exchange onwards.” Ooh yes, how difficult that sounds. Of course it was bullshite again. “Betty, let’s cut the crap. I know you know the exact location.” Hell, I used to work at Promptel complaints. I know what they can do. She agreed that she did and my complaint would be escalated. Did I want compensation? Damn straight I do Betty. The upshot of all this is that I am not the only customer who service is on the fritz. I am apparently however the only one that is ‘complaining about it’ – so I was told. Well yes, I actually expect service when I pay for it and yes I will complain about it until your ears bleed. That’s what we do in the Jones family.

I rang Ethel, best friend and hater of all things Promptel, and told her the story. As expected she said they were ‘f#@$ing wankers.’ Yes, they are. I asked her to email my editor just to let her know I was not dead, merely floating. I said “Tell H the internet is f#@$ed.” Ethel said she could not say f#@$ed to a complete stranger. I reminded her that most of the email profanity filters around town had her name on red alert for incoming emails due to her ability to make the English language more – well - colourful. I pointed out that she just needed to say it was a message from me. “Okay then, so it’s not really me swearing. You’re making me do it.” Sure, whatever…

So I wandered off to use the computers at the local library. They are pretty feral but they do have an equitable system of usage so no one is disadvantaged. They are not keen on people bringing in their own data discs but when I showed them the covers on this disc they were intrigued and a little worried about the naked people. I was assigned a far away computer due to the kids that use the library. That’s fair enough – though from what I can see most of the kids are watching music down loads with half dresser strippers in them. In comparison my covers are tame-ish.

Am I going to change ISP provider? Oh hell yes. They apparently ‘would hate to see me do that.’ Really? Well provide the service. I have only stayed with them as they seem to think I am still staff and I get staff discount. But they don’t seem to understand that. I had to ring them recently to get a particular certificate of service sent to me so I could claim carry-over of long service in another job. The benefit of this is that although Promptel paid out my long service leave I can pick up extra leave/money if I can prove I once worked at another job for ten years. Yes, it’s a hell of a lurk but I’m happy to cash in on it. Anyway when I rang Promptel for this certificate they said “You’re still employed with us.” No, I replied,"I left giggling hysterically with the payout you gave me to get rid of me in 2005.” This upset them as they had me been listed as employed. I point out that I was getting no pay from them and if they would like to start sending it, I would be happy to take it to fit in with their records – you know – just being helpful. But no, apparently that’s not something they do. Anyway, despite that call, I am still listed as a Promptel employee…whatever.

So the tech came – as we all knew the problem was out in the street. He fixed the internet line – hallelujah and pass the gin. Am I a pushy bitch? Why yes. But I rarely get anything I want in life sitting on my hands and waiting. What about you? Do you expect people to fulfil their obligations of service or are you the patient type that can sit and wait? And if so, how do you do that without stamping your feet?

I have no idea what Anny and Kelly are doing so I reckon you should check them out for yourself on www.annycook.blogspot.com and www.kkirch.blogspot.com

www.freewebs.com/amarindajones/
Go ahead: Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?