Riddle me this…

I was out of the office on the factory floor today. As part of the new employee thing you have to have a session with the staff physio to assess any problems that may impact on your job. Okay, sure, whatever – it was touch toes, turn head, raise arms stuff – easy until we got to the 20 squats all the way down hands touching the floor. Like I’ll be needing to do that in the office or ever. Anyway, I was in jeans and steel capped boots – degree of difficulty? Very frigging hard – but I did them. The physio wasn’t happy though because one of my legs wobbled slightly on the last one. Why is that she asked? I said ‘I think it’s like the riddle of the sands – no one will ever know.’ She wasn’t amused. – she was less amused when I flat out vetoed doing sit-ups. Why? Are they part of the job? No? Well they’re not happening. Now, I want everyone reading this – no, not you super fit people – thank you for reading my blog though - to do 20 squats all the way down with your hands touching the ground flat each time and tell me if your leg wobbles slightly and if so what is the reason? I tend to think I might be because I have not had alcohol for a week.

A memorable moment from the 1960’s Batman and Robin…

Robin: "Boy! That was our closest call ever! I have to admit that I was pretty scared!"
Batman: "I wasn't scared in the least."
Robin: "Not at all?"
Batman: "Haven't you noticed how we always escape the vicious ensnarements of our enemies?"
Robin: "Yeah, because we're smarter than they are!"
Batman: "I like to think it's because our hearts are pure."

I was on the job today and someone said to me – “Bloody hell, you ask a lot of questions.” Yes, I do. That’s how I find out things. They weren’t upset at all the questions - they just had never met anyone who wanted to know so much stuff. Well, I do. Knowledge as we all know is power and power corrupts…no, wait that’s the wrong ending to that quote. Or maybe it’s not. Maybe if you know lots of stuff you have power and then you can use it for your own means. Not that I would, of course…anyway this same person, a male, asked me why women asked so many questions. Men are funny aren’t they? I said, because it’s our job. We have to know things. Now, some women may consider that a politically incorrect response that indicates women are nosey. But here’s the thing, I think some of us – me especially – are. I want to know things like how something works, why Mary won’t talk to Harry, who did what to whom etc and if necessary use the info gleaned to my advantage – yes, how shameful.

As a kid, I always liked the Riddler in Batman. Why? Because he asked all sorts of weird arsed questions of the man in the Bat suit – don’t get me started on that – and Batman would always look all inscrutable like he was trying to think up the answer when he didn’t have a bloody clue and he had every intention of going back to the Bat Cave to ask Alfred. It’s my opinion that Alfred was the driving force behind those men in tights but what credit did the butler really get? Anyway, where was I? Oh yes….questions. I often shoot off a stream of questions to complete strangers and it fascinates me how they give back the answers without saying ‘who the bloody hell are you?” Or ‘rack off hairy legs.’ I don’t have hairy legs at the moment. I made an effort to de-forest the limbs the other day – and ‘rack off hairy legs’ is an Aussie school yard taunt. Admittedly, it’s hardly a tough one but there it is. Kids find some things funny. That’s what they do. Okay…hairy legs, taunt…what was the point? Ah yes, questions – so these people spill their guts and I know all within seconds. Correct. I am annoying and yes, I would tell me to bugger off if I started the Gestapo treatment on myself. I think people are too polite or stunned. I like the stunned ‘good-grief-who-is-this-woman look.’

I do believe women are the best people to get information out of anyone. Why? Because we listen to the subtle changes in someone’s voice or notice their body language. A man, to my mind, and this is purely my opinion only and not based on any scientific fact whatsoever other than years of being me, has a more pragmatic approach. He wants certain info. He asks the questions to get it. He does not want to know about the person’s kids, the lounge suite they bought, if blue paint was better than green in the bathroom or if the new local Chinese restaurant is good or not. Women will still get the answer but so much more. How much good stuff do men miss out on do you reckon?

How do you feel about questions? Do you ask a lot of them or are you happy to stay in the dark? Or do you just tell people to shut up and go away politely…or not?

So on to answers…I have none. I make them up as I go along. Luckily I am fast on my feet and never lost for a word. I come from a long line of talkative, charming ratbags. My mother and I both kissed the Blarney Stone in Ireland. Why did we kiss it when we can spin bull like there is no tomorrow? Why not? I think we were consolidating our ability. It was during a time when everyone was refusing to kiss the Blarney Stone because of AIDS. My mother and I did not get caught up in the hype. We were tourists, it was perfectly safe to kiss the stone so damn it we would hang backwards upside down over a sheer drop and kiss it as it was on our list of things to do. Speaking of that list, the other night on television they had a show featuring Hadrian’s Wall – you know that huge, thick wall on the border between Scotland and England. My father rang me and said – “How the bloody hell did you and your mother not find Hadrian’s Wall?” Okay, yes, fine, I admit it. We somehow missed
a huge -arsed stone wall. We got a tad lost and thought ‘sod it’ as you do. Naturally, my father is amazed because ‘a man would have been able to find it.’ More than likely. We chose to look for other things. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

What a rambling load of twaddle this has been. If you are still reading, you are made of stern stuff or you are probably a psychology major trying to work out what the hell I am say. Lots of luck and thanks for reading. I can promise more of the amazingness of nothing tomorrow in my next epistle.

Anny is talking about the ever expanding e-book market on www.annycook.blog.com and Kelly has fellow Aussie Katie Blu on www.kkirch.blogspot.com

www.freewebs.com/amarindajones/
Go ahead: Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?