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Monday, 17 March 2008

Heroes...


Batman: "'It is the duty of every good citizen of Gotham City to report meeting a man from Mars in a public park.' - Gotham City Penal Code, Section 32, Subsection 14."

Ok, last week I spoke about Batman and I said don’t get me started on why a grown man wears his undies over his tights. Naturally, an astute reader asked me what I meant. Well, maybe not that astute if I have to explain how freaking weird it is for anyone to dress like this. Superman does the same thing – red daks over blue tights. Now any woman worth her salt knows that tights are not a quick item of clothing to dress in. They have to go on right or they get all twisted and they are uncomfortable. What I want to know is, how these super heroes change clothes so quickly – and Superman in phone box sometimes – without getting their tights twisted up? Added to that what happens to their penis? What you ask? You look at any Batman or Superman picture and there is barely a noticeable bulge. I think that’s odd. Now if a man wore tights something would have to stick out somewhere as the material is pretty stretchy. As for the undies over the top they would hardly contain everything now would they? Do superhero penises contract in times of crisis to allow smooth tight wearing? Please advise.

And may I point out that other superheroes do not wear undies over tights like Spiderman, Flash Gordon, Captain America etc. Why aren’t they victims to the same fashion faux pas? Okay, sure, it’s not like anyone is going to poke fun at Superman about his strange way of dressing but you would like to think he would get that it’s not normal to dress as he does. Yes, he is from another planet, yes he is all powerful and good but I’m not sure if that means he’s smart. As for Batman, the man hangs out in a cave. It’s probably drafty. This may account for the
underwear thing but I’m not sure. A friend of mine, lets call her Bella, told me when she was a little kid, she used to tuck her shirt into her undies when she was cold in the winter. Maybe this is a possibility for Batman. She also suggested that on occasion she has worn her underwear over her tights when she had been in a hurry to re-dress after sex. Too much information for me but maybe this is another reason for the underwear over tights and the penis shrinkage in lycra.

And what’s the story with Wonder Woman? She’s in a swimsuit. I defy any woman to tell me she is comfortable running and spinning around in a strapless bathing suit and not worried about her boobs flying out. It’s just wrong. Yes, I know men wrote and drew the cartoons but why can’t Wonder Woman be updated like Batman into a more practical costume? And why is Catwoman in a full cat suit that holds everything in but Wonder Woman does not get the same thing? You know what I think it is? Look at the villains. Catwoman, the Penguin, the Joker
etc they are always fully dressed. Why is that? Is it because evil cannot wear their undies over tights or as I suspect villains are smarter than the tight wearers? It worries me that we have uncoordinated, ill dressed superheroes trying to keep us safe. Yes I know clothing does not make a person but don’t you feel more confident when you are comfortable?

Real Heroes....

In the name of the best within you, do not sacrifice this world to those who are its worst. In the name of the values that keep you alive, do not let your vision of man be distorted by the ugly, the cowardly, the mindless in those who have never achieved his title. Do not lose your knowledge that man's proper estate is an upright posture, an intransigent mind and a step that travels unlimited roads. Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle. The world you desired can be won, it exists, it is real, it is possible, it's yours --Ayn Rand

Being serious for a moment…I believe real heroes are those that do not count the cost of what they do. They run into burning buildings as others flee and they go to war torn lands to fight for freedom. Heroes also fight battles against cancer, terrible burns and physical disability. Real heroes refuse to allow prejudice and ignorance stop them from achieving. A real hero always says, “I did not think about it, I just did it.” Who are your heroes?

So, that's Monday over with. In Oz we have Friday and Monday off due to Easter...hallelujah and pass the gin. May I suggest you wander on over to www.annycook.blogspot.com and take a squiz at the handsome Cook family? After that I recommend you sashay over to www.kkirch.blogspot.com and read the wise thoughts of guest blogger Chris Power.

www.freewebs.com/amarindajones/
Go ahead: Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

7 comments:

Anny Cook said...

Excellent quote by Ayn Rand. All of us have periods in our lives when we are heroes. A hero just does what has to be done because it has to be done.

Kelly Kirch said...

Underwear shrinkage theory. There was nothing to shrink The heroes are overcompensating for their lack of package due to extreme super strength. They wear their panties over so you will THINK it is squashed in there by double layering. In fact, "it" has gone into hiding.

Wonder woman is using her charms to distract would-be attackers. The baddies are just waiting to see some tittie pop out and therefore not paying attention to her lasso of truth and bullet pinging bracelets. But then WW was always a slut for Superman so it could be that too.

Bronwyn's Blog said...

*Do superhero penises contract in times of crisis to allow smooth tight wearing? Please advise.* Freaking brilliant, AJ.


My heroes are the parents and teachers who help children strive toward and reach their potential. My biggest hero is my mom - the woman rocks.

Chris Power said...

My comic book hero was Namor, the Sea King or some such title. It was so long ago I just can't remember... But I do remember his swim-trunks and the fact that he was the only super-hero that was more than half-naked... Funny how that sticks in the mind... He had a funny shaped head, though--no, *not* that one--flat, as I recall, like he'd swum into a wall at speed. He was cast in the role of the bad guy more often than not, but that didn't make any difference to me - he was just misunderstood.

The real heroes for me are the volunteer rescue services, the men and women who risk their lives getting idiots out of the sea or off mountains.

Mona Risk said...

AJ that's amazing. We are starting to think alike. I posted of alpha heroes while you posted of real heroes.

barbara huffert said...

Superheroes are too busy saving the world to care what they wear and villans dress for success?

The real heroes are average ordinary people who get up everyday and do the little, responsible things that are so easily overlooked and taken for granted.

Sandra Cox said...

Only you would think to blog about how uncomfortable the super heroes must be in tights:) grin.
Haven't read Rand since college.
One of my heroes is my bro. He managed to see his glass as being half full instead of half empty when life was battering him to his knees. He got back up and kept going.