The things you notice....

…and wonder about on early morning walks. I see bats flying home at dawn. Where’s home? Where do bats hang out? No, there are no caves in the suburbs. Who paints the totem poles? I live in an area where there is a school. They have brightly painted totem poles lining the route to school. I have never seen anyone painting these ever in 10 years yet they look fresh. And why do steep inclines seem like Mt Everest to walk up at 4:30am? I know, I know…the answer to the last one is why the bloody hell are you up that early?

My interview with the furry one…

Oh Rudolph…

Amarinda - I have to tell you Rudolph you look nothing like your pictures. I wasn’t aware you smoked cigars.

Rudolph –I only do it when I drink, babe.

A – I see – is that how you got the red nose? Drinking…what is that in you hoof? A margarita?

R – Yeah and the nose is a fake. It’s plastic.

A- That’s so tacky

R – Its show business, babe. We use it to draw the punters in. They ‘ooh’ and ‘ahh’ over the cuteness of it. Talk about dumb.

A- So essentially your whole persona is a lie

R – Yeah and I’m actually a moose not a reindeer

A – What? You’re a moose?

R – Reindeer aren’t sexy. It’s all about the length of antler, babe – you know that.

A - Don’t you feel bad about misleading the public with this deception?

R – No because people want to believe a shiny, red nosed animal is relied on by the fat guy to pull a sleigh. They want to believe in magic. It’s all a load of crap but it keeps me in Tequila.

A – Is there nothing magical about you?

R – I can waggle my ears and I can write my name in the snow when I pee. Wanna’ watch?

A – Ah no…what about the other reindeer?

R – They’re just jealous. None of them have their name in a song. It’s not my problem if they can’t market themselves effectively.

A – So just what do you get out of this?

R- That I can’t discuss that, babe. I am bound by my contract to Santa Claus Inc. But I will say the ladies love me.

A – So does Christmas mean anything to you?

R – Hell yeah, the cuter I am the more money I make.

A – You’re a soulless bastard aren’t you?

R- Someone has to be, babe.

A - Are any of your intentions honourable?

R – I always buy a lady dinner before we get down to business…

A – On that pukeable note – anything you’d like to say to the innocent children who believe in Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer…I mean moose?

R – My new breakfast cereal – Rudolph Sugar Puffs is out now. Get your parents to buy it and they’ll get $1.99 off their next Tequila purchase at participating liquor stores.

A – Rudolph – you are a wanker

R – Here’s my number, babe – call me. I like feisty women

www.amarindajones.com
www.amarindajones.blogspot.com
Go Ahead:Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?