Friday, 19 December 2008

What’s her story?

Two more work days left days – Monday & Tuesday - and then freedom for a few days. That’s what I like about xmas. Whatever your beliefs, I think we can all agree that days off are beaut. I shall be painting the bathroom and kitchen on my crusade to re-paint the inside of the house. No, it’s too late for you to book a flight and come and help me….

Mrs Claus – who exactly is she? A sweet homemaker content to stay at the North Pole and make cookies or a sharp business women pushing Santa onto world wide domination? I was fortunate enough to interview her.

A – Thanks for talking to me
Mrs S– A pleasure
A – Is it true the elves hate you?
Mrs S – Fucking little green men ….er…I mean what a challenging group of individuals they are.
A – They seem to be working under terrible conditions
Mrs S – Hmmm…you spoke to one of them? Which one?
A – I can’t tell you but I want to know how important the elves are to Christmas
Mrs S – They are paramount! We cannot get by without them and they know it, the little bastards.
A – Sorry, what was that? I missed that last bit.
Mrs S – I was saying how they make great baskets.
A – Your husband Mr Claus is a busy man. How do you feel when he is away from home over Christmas?
Mrs S – He is a true man of the people, I would never stop him from carrying out the noble traditions of his calling.
A – I hear the police had to break up a noisy party here at your home last year on Christmas Eve two hours after your husband left on the Christmas run
Mrs S - Er, that was…er…
A – Apparently there were male strippers?
Mrs S – Um no, they were unfortunate men we were helping to clothes
A – Yes, I understand leopard print g-strings were big last year
Mrs S – No doubt you want to hear about Santa’s good deeds.
A – In a moment…is it true that before you met Mr Claus you were a pole dancer at Swifty La Rue’s bar?
Mrs S - Santa adores handing out present to the little children as their happy faces make him so happy.
A – Let’s face it Mrs S you and Santa run an Elf sweat shop for profit
Mrs S – That’s a dirty lie! We barely break even! Oh wait, cut that bit out.
A – I think I have all I need. Anything you’d like to say to the boys and girls?
Mrs S – Just remember Santa knows when you’ve been naughty or nice.
A – Apparently, not with you though…
Go Ahead:Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?