To the future…

So, New Years Eve…it’s a time for do-overs isn’t it? To start a fresh and to make amends. Whatever you are doing this evening be safe. If you want to party – go for it. If you want to stay at home and be quiet – do it. There are no rules you have to follow.

For 2009 I wish that….

- the one you love loves you back – but if not, move on and realize you can do better
- if you are suffering domestic abuse – get out. You are not dumb or ugly or worthless. He is. Save you. Fuck him.
- you are strong enough to stand alone if you have to.
- little girls are no longer sold off to old men to pay their father’s debts
- we cure cancer and aids and every other disease that takes away our loved ones
- you lose weight because you want to and not because someone’s opinion wounds you.
– you use the negative phrases like ‘you can’t do that’ and you do it anyway because you can.
- you write the book you have always been wanting to write
- you remain healthy or have the ability to kick illness in the arse
- your beliefs remain your own and you are not swayed by others
- most of all I wish peace – from wars, from personal demons, from those who cannot understand that you will never accept less than you deserve.

Happy 2009 – go out and conquer your part of the world. You are amazing.

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Go Ahead: Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

Paint your kitchen...

So today I took everything out of the kitchen so I could paint. It’s only a small room. When I bought the house the agent considered having a small kitchen a bad thing. Having a pimple on your nose is a bad thing. Backing you car into the mailbox is a bad thing. Having a wasp bite you on the arse is a bad thing. A small kitchen is nothing in the scheme of life’s problems and it’s perfect for someone who does not cook. Cooking gives me an arm cramp…or a leg cramp…something cramps up at the thought of bowls and saucepans and mixing stuff.

Anyway other than discovering I have a plethora of kitchen crap – don’t you just love the word ‘plethora’ – actually I don’t know why someone is not called Plethora…Plethora Jones, Plethora Smith, Plethora Chang …maybe a movie star will name their kid that instead of fruit…while fruit is important no one wants to be called Banana Brown or Mango MacGuire or Passionfruit Flegelheimer …those names are just asking for trouble in the school yard…anyway, where was I? Hmmm…yes…the kitchen…so I am painting the kitchen. And no, to all you well meaning friends who keep asking me, I have not finished yet. Why not? Because.

So as I moved stuff out to paint, amongst the useless crap I have, I once more looked up to see that I have a stove hood. No, it’s not for keeping the stove’s head warm. I thought that too. I thought – aw, isn’t that nice to care and give the stove a hat. But no - apparently it is to be used in cooking. You flip a switch on the side and the hood does stuff. I turned it on once when I moved in and I turned it on again today. It lights up and makes whirring sounds. Most impressive. I believe it’s designed to suck stuff up. Sucking, whirring and lighting up…sounds like an excellent Ellora’s Cave book…anyway, I looked at the filters. They are like brand new. Because of this I feel it would be wrong to start cooking and mess them up. I’m sure you see my logic.

Yes, I’m rambling. I’m tired. Tomorrow the kitchen will be finished. Say it. Believe it. Over it.

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Go Ahead : Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

Bits and pieces...

Completely knackered but the bathroom is painted and finished up to a point. Any renovator worth their salt knows that for several days later you are still touching things up. I call it painting blindness. Everything looks good but suddenly you notice this area or that needs more paint or there is a drip of aqua of the light blue that you did not notice before. So it’s on to the kitchen next. Lordy I have some crap in there…

Incredibly talented author Barbara Huffert sent me some Gertrude Hawk Chocolates…OMG…what an amazing woman Gertrude is. I am going to start a petition to have her made a saint. Bless you B and bless you Gertrude for such sinful chocs. Click here to check out Gertrude and consider the advantages of sin. What are they? Sin means you absolve yourself of guilt and just enjoy. I think we all need to do that every so often.

If anyone cares….Paris Hilton is in Australia. Yes, I care deeply too. Why do we need her here? Stuffed if I know. I just have to wonder why someone with so much money and fame does not get her finger out and do something to make a difference in the world. Go figure…

A California mother has given birth to a boy weighing in at 6.4 kilos (14 pounds, 2 ounces).

http://au.news.yahoo.com/a/-/newshome/5235857

Ouch…is this the camel through the eye of a needle thing or what?

That’s about it. Back to work Friday – yeah…weird I know but only anyone who has ever done a financial month end will completely understand what madness ensues during this period. Grown men have been known to cry. Grown women just get on with it as we do….

Until then, I paint and write. I picked up a couple of book contracts. I think it’s always good to know people do not think you suck completely.

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Go Ahead : Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

Essentials...

In the Sunday Mail, Brizzie edition, page 30, they list the 20 most essential things everyone needs to know…do tell. Some of them I agreed with –

- how to shake hands – weak handshakes indicate weak people
- how to negotiate – know what you want and get it
- how to use a computer – yes – very important
- how to listen - that is an art
- how to cook – yes pukeable, but people should know in case someone offers them vast sums of money to boil an egg

But others…what the?

- How to make a martini – I suppose this could be important if you are going to hang out with James Bond
- How to buy a diamond. Seriously? How is this important in a day and age when people are flat out trying to save money – maybe this should be changed to learn how to save money.
- How to shine shoes? Really? When was this written? 1950?
- How to build a fire….sure, if you want to go on Survivor.
- How to hit a tennis or golf ball…huh?

My list?

1. Be a good liar. It will save your arse one day
2. Learn how to stand up for yourself because you are the one you can rely on most
3. Look people in the eye.
4. Develop a thick skin
5. Learn how to laugh or everything will get to you
6. Persevere if you believe what you are doing is right.

Got any more?

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Go Ahead : Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

Resolving stuff…

So, with the New Year coming up, I’ve been thinking about resolutions. Not for me – for others. Yes, I’m caring that way. I did join Amnesty International so that’s one thing I have been meaning to do for a long time. Maybe I’m naïve, but maybe I can help someone instead of just talking about it…who knows…but - to some of my suggested resolutions for others….

- Politicians resolve to forgo all pay rises, especially in this current economic climate and actually work for the good of the people – you know – believe in all that crap they espoused to win your vote.
-That male dominated societies resolve to understand the wealth that is in their women – that they are not goods to be sold or mutilated or beaten or killed for honour - but women are equal partners, albeit sans penis, who are strong, smart and articulate and can change the world if they can free themselves of the prison of the veils.
-That employers resolve to look at their workforce as people with family and debts before they make job cuts and send people to the wall
- That the greedy bastards who got us into this crap economic crisis resolve to not deal in any numbers higher than those they can count on their fingers and toes until they learn their lesson.
- That all religions resolve to agree to disagree on philosophy and stop killing each other in the name of whatever so the troops, from all countries, can go home.
- The terrorists resolve to become human beings
- That those who want so desperately to believe that rock star politicians have all the answers resolve to take a reality trip. No one has all the answers.
- That the Japanese that are ‘conducting research’ on whales resolve to stop their brand of ‘research’ and let the whales be at peace.
- That anyone who gets behind the wheel of a car resolves to be sober and patient and stop killing people on the road through selfishness.
- That Paris Hilton resolves to do something worthwhile with herself and her money.

….and I could go on and on but I won’t….you know what I mean.

New Year's Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time. -- James Agate

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Go Ahead : Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

Fascinating man…

Okay, so I think I have fallen in love with Daniel Craig. Lucky for him it’s just a crush. I expect I will get over it and go back to George Clooney soon but for the moment the rawness of Daniel Craig appeals to me. I watched the DVD called Sword Of Honour over xmas and Mr C was in it. It’s a pre-Bond flick of his. Anyway I have no idea whatsoever what the story was about but I watched it til the end because Daniel Craig is so damn watchable. He has the most interesting raw, emotive masculine face. Some people are so absolutely fascinating you cannot look away. You know you should but you just can’t. They hook you in. Le sigh. I believe if there was a Daniel Craig cult I would probably join – that is if I didn’t have to wear orange. I look terrible in orange – and I don’t dance with flowers in my hair nor would I chant the James Bond storyline backwards either in tribute to the man - unless under the influence - then I might. So if the Daniel cult just worships say every alternate day between 2 – 4pm at a Daniel shrine while not wearing orange then count me in. Sigh….sorry George…I still worship you of course…and yes George if you are reading this you can still come and help me paint the bathroom and kitchen.

So that’s it. I have a crush and I will be painting the kitchen and the bathroom over the next couple of days….oh and writing sex. Same old, same old…

I’ll leave you with The Clash. Click here. I like this song. Why? Don’t know. I think it reminds me of living in London. I like it so much I have a The Clash t-shirt…actually when I think about it Daniel Craig would probably find me most fascinating to watch in my Clash t-shirt…

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Go Ahead : Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

No matter....

…whatever your beliefs, whether you’re in OZ, Alaska, outer Mongolia or in the highlands of Scotland, who you love, who you’ll be with, if you enjoy the solitude of a quiet Christmas reading books you love or if you have kids screaming with excitement, I wish you a peaceful and safe break. I will be back 26th December. I’m off to throw some prawns – shrimp – on the barbie. Take care….

Best Wishes
Amarinda

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Go Ahead:Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

Peace only for some…

Beyond disgusting - an eight year old girl has been sold in marriage to a 58 year old man….

Relatives who did not wish to be named told AFP that the marriage had not yet been consummated, and that the girl continued to live with her mother. They said that the father had set a verbal condition by which the marriage is not consummated for another 10 years, when the girl turns 18.

The father had agreed to marry off his daughter for an advance dowry of 30,000 riyals (8,000 dollars), as he was apparently facing financial problems, they said.

http://au.news.yahoo.com/a/-/newshome/5226688

This sickens me. This father considers his daughter no better than a cow or a tractor to sell off in the tough times. And this is only one story we hear about. How many other young girls are treated like they are less than human that we never know about? How many are raped before they even hit puberty? What can we do? I personally would be happy to go and smack the father around the head with a 2-by-4 but that would change nothing. Male dominated societies have been around for time and memoriam. Laws need to change. Who makes the laws? The judges in these stories who are men. We need more women in positions of power in these countries. How does a woman rise to power in a nation where men rule? I would imagine through sheer thick skinned persistence. And how hard would that be when someone sees you as inferior? It’s a vicious circle of discrimination. It’s beyond sad when whether you have a penis or not defines your place and power in a community or country. No, I don’t care what religion you are. Believe what you feel strongly in but don’t inflict your opinions and archaic practices on the weak. Give them a chance in life. Imagine if you or I had been in this girl’s position? If you were the mother of this girl? How do you beat male dominated prejudice like this?

Yes, I will continue to mention stories like this because we need to know. No, it’s not a pleasant topic for this time of the year but while we are running around trying to find the ‘perfect’ gift or over-stuffing our faces with food, maybe stop and think for a moment of young girls who are sold into slavery like this. Peace on earth and good will to all men? I can’t see it. Greed and selfishness rules whatever the season.

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Go Ahead:Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

Kick back Sunday….

Because it’s a Sunday and we want to relax, I bring to you my favourite Christmas song and a book that will scorch your eyebrows it’s so hot.

But first, the song. I love this every time I hear it on the radio at this time of the year. It sums up the silly season to me. Click here. And yes, I have Irish relatives and they’re all wonderfully mad and I am proud to be descended from them.

Now, to the book. Cicada by Afton Locke is out now at Ellora’s Cave. Visually two things grabbed me straight away about this book. The title – so unusual and I immediately wanted to know what it’s about – and – the cover – hot and sinful so you know it’s good. Then I read there’s a sexy ghost. Bloody hell! That sold it to me…and you will want it too. Click on the cover to buy.


Cicada by Afton Locke

The Blurb….

Marian, a science teacher on summer vacation, moves into Jon’s house. He’s been dead for a hundred years but he vows to break the curse on himself and win her heart. He seduces her, entices her and is determined to show her who’s boss with some sexy rope tricks—but he intends to earn her love at the same time.

The Excerpt…


“What the—” She couldn’t see anyone but he was still there. She felt him pressed against her backside and he was harder than ever.
“I’m still here,” he said, as if she couldn’t figure that out.
Marian’s eyes darted around the room as she clutched the pillows. “Then why can’t I see you?”
“I’m invisible.” He said it as casually as if he’d said he was wearing a blue shirt.
“Invisible,” she repeated. “Give me a break. I’m a science teacher. People aren’t invisible. That only happens in the movies.”
He was still lying on her back and when he shifted she felt coarse cotton fabric against the skin of her legs. He seemed to be wearing pants but they must be invisible too. She also felt the outline of his cock grind against her pussy which was still sensitive from his earlier touching.
“Does that feel real to you?” he asked, close to her ear.
All of her blood seemed to shoot downstream and for one crazy moment she wondered what all that delicious hardness would feel like inside her. Even better than his finger, she imagined. She had to clear her throat just to be able to talk.
“Yes.” The word came out as a half sigh and Marian cleared her throat again. “Do you mind explaining to me why you’re invisible? I mean, you’re seriously freaking me out here. I can see everything in this room except you.”
“Of course,” he replied as he began to play with her long hair and lazily stroke her back. “Allow me to introduce myself. I’m Jonathan Blake. You may call me Jon.”
“I’m Mar—”
“I know who you are, Mary,” he said curtly. “It’s about time you came back.”
She frowned. “My name is Marian, not Mary and as interesting as this meeting has been, I really need to ask you to leave now. You see, I rented this house for the summer.”
He grabbed all of her hair, lifted her head off the pillow with it and nipped her earlobe with his teeth. “This is my house,” he corrected.
She pulled her hair out of his hand. His weight eased, so she shifted onto her side and propped herself on her elbow.
“So you’re the owner of this house?” she asked. “Good. You just saved me a trip to Seaside Realty to bang some heads together. You have a lot of nerve scamming people out of their rent money, making this place seem haunted. I paid for a private house and a peaceful summer. Instead, I hear all kinds of weird noises, have my clothes stolen and get attacked in my own bed.”
“My bed,” he corrected.
“Whatever. I’m going to report you to the Better Business Bureau.”
Now that her chest was somewhat exposed to him, he was exploring the crocheted lace of her bodice. She pushed his hand away several times but it was hard to hit an invisible, moving target. He chuckled as he traced a finger over the swell of each breast. Her nipples betrayed her by jumping to attention and begging for his touch.
“I don’t think they’d pursue a complaint about a man who’s been dead for a hundred years.”

Well…I want to know what happens next….

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Go Ahead:Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

Chipmunk philosophy…

I was reading blogs, as I do, and I came across one blog where the writer of it was having a hard time with lots of things in their life. As I read their words I could almost hear the pain in their voice. I looked at the comments. One struck me as odd. Its said something along the lines of ‘have a great day.’ Hmmm, had the commenter even read the blog? Felt the person’s suffering? Did they get that this person was probably not going to have a good day for a while due to all their stuff going on in their life? Do you think it’s a case of we don’t want to know the hard, difficult things of other people’s lives so we gloss over them with greeting card phrases to make ourselves feel more comfortable ? Was it that the commenter wanted another hit on Google they could see when they put their name into the search engine? And how did the writer of the blog feel when their words were dismissed so lightly? If someone is seeking understanding or support do you think ‘have a nice day’ is going to do it? If so, we would all spend our time at McDoanlds or wherever listening to trained counter staff wishing us well. Life is just not the simple.

Sometimes we are very strange people. We pretend to care when we don’t. We say we can hear you when we’re really not trying to listen. We’re okay but if you’re not then – well – try and have a great day. I believe saying nothing is sometimes more appropriate than chipmunk philosophy. I also understand why depression is on the increase when people really don’t bother listening to another’s words. Sad…

No, I won’t depress you completely…. I heard this song today I had not heard in years ….click here. A bit of trivia for you I used to talk a bit like the singer after spending a couple of years in London.

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Go Ahead:Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

What’s her story?

Two more work days left days – Monday & Tuesday - and then freedom for a few days. That’s what I like about xmas. Whatever your beliefs, I think we can all agree that days off are beaut. I shall be painting the bathroom and kitchen on my crusade to re-paint the inside of the house. No, it’s too late for you to book a flight and come and help me….

Mrs Claus – who exactly is she? A sweet homemaker content to stay at the North Pole and make cookies or a sharp business women pushing Santa onto world wide domination? I was fortunate enough to interview her.

A – Thanks for talking to me

Mrs S– A pleasure

A – Is it true the elves hate you?

Mrs S – Fucking little green men ….er…I mean what a challenging group of individuals they are.

A – They seem to be working under terrible conditions

Mrs S – Hmmm…you spoke to one of them? Which one?

A – I can’t tell you but I want to know how important the elves are to Christmas

Mrs S – They are paramount! We cannot get by without them and they know it, the little bastards.

A – Sorry, what was that? I missed that last bit.

Mrs S – I was saying how they make great baskets.

A – Your husband Mr Claus is a busy man. How do you feel when he is away from home over Christmas?

Mrs S – He is a true man of the people, I would never stop him from carrying out the noble traditions of his calling.

A – I hear the police had to break up a noisy party here at your home last year on Christmas Eve two hours after your husband left on the Christmas run

Mrs S - Er, that was…er…

A – Apparently there were male strippers?

Mrs S – Um no, they were unfortunate men we were helping to clothes

A – Yes, I understand leopard print g-strings were big last year

Mrs S – No doubt you want to hear about Santa’s good deeds.

A – In a moment…is it true that before you met Mr Claus you were a pole dancer at Swifty La Rue’s bar?

Mrs S - Santa adores handing out present to the little children as their happy faces make him so happy.

A – Let’s face it Mrs S you and Santa run an Elf sweat shop for profit

Mrs S – That’s a dirty lie! We barely break even! Oh wait, cut that bit out.

A – I think I have all I need. Anything you’d like to say to the boys and girls?

Mrs S – Just remember Santa knows when you’ve been naughty or nice.

A – Apparently, not with you though…

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Go Ahead:Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

The ghost of Christmas Past….

I was offered another contract on a vampire book and I came home from work and mowed the lawn….what can I say? Life is exciting….

The ghost of Christmas Past….

Ghost – Do I scare you, darlin’?
Amarinda – No
G – Nothing to fear from the past?
A – Nope. The past is the past and it can only scare you if you let it.
G – Hmm, you’re a tough one
A – You have no idea. So tell me ghost boy, what do you get out of reminding people of past actions?
G – It’s a public service
A – How so?
G – We try to make people better, darlin’
A – We?
G – The ghosts of past, present and future. We’re a tag team. We step inside a person’s boring existence at Christmas and shake them up into changing. Though, to be honest, I’m the scariest. Some people have terrible past secrets and I like to remind them.
A – Does doing this make you feel important? Do you get your rocks off reminding people of things they want to forget?
G – Hey darlin’, people need to change
A – Says you. I put it to you ghost boy that you are a bully who likes to see people upset, that you and your cohorts are nothing but terrorists.
G – Jeez, that’s pretty strong, darling’
A – No, it’s not and we refuse to give into terrorism any more. All terrorists are wankers.
G – You’re joking
A – I’m deadly bloody serious, sunshine.
G – Wow, this could explain a lot. I went to do the spooky thing at number 52 and they told me to piss off and 54 set their dog on me. I just thought 52 were busy and the lady at 54 looked like she had the hormonal thing going on.
A – No, the fact is you’re no longer scary and people aren’t going to live their lives fearing the past.
G – But – but what do I do if I can’t do that?
A – Get a job. Pay your way. Do what the rest of us do.
G – But I have no skills other than being scary
A – You can be a politician. They’re scary but no one pays attention to them so it’s kind of the same. Are you crying?
G – I have feelings you know
A – So, I’m upsetting you? Making you feel like your past is a mistake?
G – Yes
A - How does that feel?
G – Terrible – you’re horrible. We could have used you as a fourth ghost
A – Which one? The ghost of bloody-wake-up-to-yourself and stop letting wankers get to you?
G – I want to go home
A – So go.
G – Can I borrow bus fare?

The past is – let it be….

Let us not look back in anger or forward in fear, but around in awareness – James Thurber.

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Go Ahead:Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

The things you notice....

…and wonder about on early morning walks. I see bats flying home at dawn. Where’s home? Where do bats hang out? No, there are no caves in the suburbs. Who paints the totem poles? I live in an area where there is a school. They have brightly painted totem poles lining the route to school. I have never seen anyone painting these ever in 10 years yet they look fresh. And why do steep inclines seem like Mt Everest to walk up at 4:30am? I know, I know…the answer to the last one is why the bloody hell are you up that early?

My interview with the furry one…

Oh Rudolph…

Amarinda - I have to tell you Rudolph you look nothing like your pictures. I wasn’t aware you smoked cigars.

Rudolph –I only do it when I drink, babe.

A – I see – is that how you got the red nose? Drinking…what is that in you hoof? A margarita?

R – Yeah and the nose is a fake. It’s plastic.

A- That’s so tacky

R – Its show business, babe. We use it to draw the punters in. They ‘ooh’ and ‘ahh’ over the cuteness of it. Talk about dumb.

A- So essentially your whole persona is a lie

R – Yeah and I’m actually a moose not a reindeer

A – What? You’re a moose?

R – Reindeer aren’t sexy. It’s all about the length of antler, babe – you know that.

A - Don’t you feel bad about misleading the public with this deception?

R – No because people want to believe a shiny, red nosed animal is relied on by the fat guy to pull a sleigh. They want to believe in magic. It’s all a load of crap but it keeps me in Tequila.

A – Is there nothing magical about you?

R – I can waggle my ears and I can write my name in the snow when I pee. Wanna’ watch?

A – Ah no…what about the other reindeer?

R – They’re just jealous. None of them have their name in a song. It’s not my problem if they can’t market themselves effectively.

A – So just what do you get out of this?

R- That I can’t discuss that, babe. I am bound by my contract to Santa Claus Inc. But I will say the ladies love me.

A – So does Christmas mean anything to you?

R – Hell yeah, the cuter I am the more money I make.

A – You’re a soulless bastard aren’t you?

R- Someone has to be, babe.

A - Are any of your intentions honourable?

R – I always buy a lady dinner before we get down to business…

A – On that pukeable note – anything you’d like to say to the innocent children who believe in Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer…I mean moose?

R – My new breakfast cereal – Rudolph Sugar Puffs is out now. Get your parents to buy it and they’ll get $1.99 off their next Tequila purchase at participating liquor stores.

A – Rudolph – you are a wanker

R – Here’s my number, babe – call me. I like feisty women

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Go Ahead:Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

Ginger and spice and all things vampire...

Dark Souls – hot, vampire romance – was released in print today at Ellora’s Cave. Let the pigeons loose! Click on the cover to buy.

A Gingerbread man speaks about Christmas…

Amarinda - So you guys must love Christmas.
Ginger – why?
A- You’re so popular. Everyone loves gingerbread.
G – Are you kidding? People want to eat us. Where is the love in that?
A - But isn’t that part of who you are? A treat at Christmas time?
G - No way! But no one wants to see beyond our outer façade. I blame the media for enforcing body stereotypes. We are exploited due to our lusciousness. Everyone wants gingerbread people but no one cares for our feelings.
A - I see but you’re made for a reason so it’s not hard to expect that you will get eaten.
G - Only the slow and the dumb of our kind do.
A - So you’re saying you scheme not to get eaten at Christmas?
G - Exactly
A- What do you do? Hide yourself in the Gingerbread house?
G - Nah, that’s the first place they look, Last year we lost five good gingerbread men who barricaded themselves in a house and humans ripped the roof off and ate them. Bastards.
A – Right….so what’s the plan this year?
G - Gravy diving
A - What?
G - Gingerbread is sweet – gravy isn’t. The plan is we throw ourselves in the gravy, the mayo or whatever condiments are on the table roll around and get covered and then no one will eat us because sweet and savoury don’t go together.
A -What about sweet and sour pork?
G – Shut up.
A- So, a sort of cunning plan you have there.

G - We think so.
A - How many is ‘we’?
G - Let’s just say we’re not far off world domination.
A - What happens if you succeed in gravy diving but someone washes it off you? What if there is no gravy?
G - Huh, I hadn’t thought of that. Maybe we need to re-visit that and go to plan b
A - And that is?
G - We release our "Save the Gingerbread people" Christmas song onto the market and raise public awareness. You humans are suckers for a Christmas song. You will rally to our cause when you see the video clip. We have it with all of us there, arms linked, crying and singing of our plight. It’ll be really soppy and pathetic and you'll lap it up.
A- That's very manipulative
G - Not to mention lucrative. We have already sold the merchandising rights to Santa Claus Inc. The fat man needs it as a charity write-off against his gambling debts and Mrs Claus’ failed massage parlour business.
A - So Christmas is about survival to your people?
G- That and 62% royalties. Old fatso was so desperate we screwed him over on the song.
A - So gravy diving first then the song if that fails you?
G - Yeah, we don't want to look too tacky. Besides we need the footage of the gravy diving attempts to sell the record if not this Christmas then next.
A - Well, this has been very enlightening. Is there anything else you would like to tell the public?
G - Two things - before you eat a gingerbread man remember we're just like you inside - heart, liver, kidney, bowels–
A- You are not.
G - Yeah but it grosses people out to think that.
A - And two?
G- We take cash, credit card or paypal.

www.amarindajones.com
www.amarindajones.blogspot.com
Go Ahead:Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

Christmas ghosts…

Look at my lovely new cover – isn’t he pretty? What is Prince Vampire about? A fairytale the comes true….oh, and vampire sex…

On my morning ramble, I passed by a small block of local shops. A graffiti idiot – no, there is no way a moron who sprays paint on buildings at random can be called an artist - had sprayed his tag on the side of one shop – 4053 Krew. Wow – how cool – not. 4053 – is a postcode (zipcode) so we know the nitwit lives in the local area. We also know he – and it is always a stupid young bloke – is influenced by American culture – or should I say Kulture – by his spelling. In ancient times I could see cave paintings were an important part of communication – as were the wall carvings from the Egyptians, Greeks etc. But 4053 Krew? What is this? Is it a call to similar ape like mentalities or is it a would be rappa-sick-phat-gansta or whatever they call themselves now wanting us to notice how kool he is? This is what I think – get rid of the spray can, pull up your pants as we don’t want to see your undies and wear your cap the right way around and then maybe I’ll contemplate you as a serious human being.

Due to popular demand…okay – half a dozen emails – I’ll bring back last years xmas interviews – and add some new ones.

Free the elves….

Amarinda - Thanks for meeting me

Elf - I can’t take it anymore. That man has to be stopped!

A – I see…so tell us a little about the conditions at the North Pole. How much do you get paid?

E – Pay! Ha! We get nothing but these tatty, unfashionable green suits that no one would be seen dead in. It’s an embarrassment to look like this.

A – Green not your colour?

E – Nope and those pointed shoes just kill my feet.

A – Let’s talk about Health and safety. Lugging around all those toys must be hard. What sort of compo do you receive if you get injured?

E – None – we either work or starve. The Claus’ have the monopoly on jobs at the Pole.

A – That’s an evil look you have on your face.

E – Let’s just say we have plans to break that monopoly very soon.

A – Right, on the creepy note, let’s change the subject…we always hear of Christmas treats being left out for Santa -cookies and milk etc. What do the elves get?

E – Diddly frigging squat! We have to wait until the fat guy’s asleep to nick his food.

A – Wow, that’s terrible. How do you keep up morale?

E – We have a still. We make Elf wine and we stick pins into our Santa effigy.

A – Uh huh, but what about Mrs Claus? She seems like the nice caring sort.

E – That bitch – she works us harder than Santa. I can’t stand her. Sweet one moment and back stabbing cow the next. She’s fucking treacherous.

A – But you must get some perks on this job. Do you get to take home some of the toys you make for your own family?

E – You are frisked on the way out of the factory. You don’t want to know what happens if you get caught but it involves sleigh bells tied to certain parts of your anatomy.

A – So sum up Elf life at the North Pole in one sentence.

E – Fucking horrible – but come the revolution that will all change.

A – Thanks for speaking to me today

E – Spread the word Toots. The elves will rise up.

Elves are scary…

RIP – never forgotten…

www.amarindajones.com
www.amarindajones.blogspot.com
Go Ahead:Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

I was watching….

….television late last night as I could not sleep and writing was beyond me. Anyway, as I flicked channels – no, I don’t have cable – I came across this old 1940’s cowboy movie. The bad guys, who all had moustaches, were waiting for the good guy to come to town. I’m not sure why other than to kill him for something before he killed them for something. Anyway, the bad guys heard the good guy was in town so they went gunning for him. Five of them walked along the street, guns drawn, heads turned to right looking for him. The good guy stood in an alley on the left in plain sight and they walked straight past him unnoticed. They would have felt his breath he was so close. So, why am I telling you this? Maybe because we don’t notice the obvious things we should until it’s too late. Maybe it’s a reminder to me as a writer to be more coherent (My editor is now laughing her arse off). Or maybe it’s just an old movie with a dumb script. Who knows at 2am in the morning why you fixate on stuff?

Breath of Magic by Regina Carlysle is out now at Ellora’s Cave. It’s book 1 in the Mistletoe Magic series, but may be read as a stand-alone story. Reason to buy? It’s the first so it’s bound to be the best and it’s hot romance. Click on the cover and buy

The blurb....

Powerhouse attorney, Liza Woodward knows a little something about losing control and it’s been her life’s mission never to do it again, especially when it comes to small town lawyer, Tyler Blackwell.

Ty takes one look at the woman he’s always loved and knows its way past time he seduced away the control she wears like a suit of armor. It will take a steady hand, a bit of dominance, and a little Breath of Magic from a Christmas Elf to win this sassy Texas woman.

The excerpt….warning…adult excerpt

Liza’s muscles tensed in anticipation and she prayed with everything in her that he couldn’t know what looking at him did to her. This was a mistake on so many levels. But God! She’d never been able to resist Ty Blackwell. He was bronze and dark and so ripped with muscle, he made her mouth water. Hastily she flicked her tongue across her lower lip as she took in the mounds of his sculpted chest. It was lightly smattered with dark, crisp hair that flared across his pecs then thinned to arrow down, bisecting his torso to disappear into the waistband of worn denim. His profession hadn’t softened him a bit. Lean yet muscular he was a man who looked as spectacular in jeans as he did in a suit. When he smiled, a deep and sexy dimple popped out near the corner of his scrumptious lips. He wasn’t smiling now. His face was hard with passion, a tiny muscle jumped in his jaw as if he were holding himself back with every ounce of control he possessed.
Oh, she knew all about control. It was the very thing that had deserted her from the moment she looked into those drenched chocolate-colored eyes of his.
Yep. She was a goner.
Ty held her gaze as he unsnapped and unzipped his jeans. She’d almost forgotten that country lawyers tended toward the ultra casual when not in court but that suited her just fine. Lordy, he looked good in worn denim. Without moving his eyes from hers, he reached into his back pocket and pulled out a condom. One side of his mouth lifted in a naughty half-smile as he tossed it casually to the desktop where it landed near her hip.
“I was ready for you, Liza Lou.”
“Bet you think I’m easy.”
“There’s nothing easy about you, darlin’,” he said as he pushed the jeans and his pristine white briefs together past his hips.
“Ah, man.” Liza practically moaned the words as she got an eyeful of his cock, rising high and hard from the nest of black hair at his groin. Ty was a real-life, honest to God refresher course in male beauty. Was he bigger than she remembered? Oh yeah. Maybe he was. His erection was thick and ripe with color, distended veins coursing the length of him as if pointing straight to the heavy, broad plum-shaped head. Liza’s mouth went dry as she recalled the wonderful masculine taste of him.
She wanted to reach out for it. She wanted to stroke him and take him in her mouth but he didn’t give her a chance. With a low sound, Ty leaned over and took the front of her thong between his teeth and slowly, tantalizingly pulled it from her body. Finally, he took the garment in his hand and rubbed the drenched cloth against his chest.
Liza gasped. She’d never known a naughtier man.
“Don’t look scandalized, Counselor,” he drawled slowly. “I love the way you smell when you’re hot. I want your scent all over me.”
“You’re bad.” She whispered the words wanting to be shocked but instead her body pulsed in a wild, untamed rhythm. “I should go.”
Ty shook his head. “Uh-uh. You want bad so much you can taste it and I’m gonna give it to you.”

www.amarindajones.com
www.amarindajones.blogspot.com
Go Ahead:Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

Today….

….was as hot as hell…probably good practice for me when I end up there. ‘Spent most of the day inside avoiding the heat, and skin cancer and writing ménage sex….it’s hard to keep a track of everyone’s bit and pieces sometimes.

“If you can't take the heat, don't tickle the dragon.” - - unknown

Anyway, enough of me and body parts…Magnolia by Anny Cook is out now at Ellora’s Cave. This book is steam heat and I know once you read it you will instantly want to buy all the other Anny Cook books. As always, click on the cover to buy.

Magnolia - the blurb....

The Yule season has come to Castle Came-a-lot. With the annual influx of family Prince Undain, the last unmarried son of King Arthur decides to retreat to the tower he shares with his partner, Prince Dennac, on the eastern shores of Avalon.

It is there that Dennac brings Magnolia, the woman he rescues from a shipwreck. Fleeing from a dangerous arranged marriage, she quickly accepts the offer of marriage from Undain and Dennac.

Almost immediately, their honeymonth takes an unexpected turn. Magnolia, with the loss of her virginity, sprouts wings leading them to the inescapable conclusion that she is half-faery. And once faeries sprout their wings, they require frequent hot sex. Dennac and Undain eagerly meet Magnolia's new demands even as they deal with the Yule celebrations and threats from the evil Prince Rugat.

The excerpt….

Arthur lifted his goblet in salute to his morose son. "What you need is a good—"
"Please not again," Undain wearily interrupted. "I don't need a woman, man, dragon, faery, or pet rock. What I need is some peace and quiet! You have no idea what Earth is like in this century. They're mad, I tell you. All mad!"
"It can't be that bad," Arthur declared heartily. "Why in my day—"
"In your day, you were the king. Now, they would completely ignore you. Or your pictures would be in the tabloids. Just let it drop, Dad. I think I'll go down to the Tower on the eastern shore. I want some quiet time until Dennac comes home."
"What about the Yule celebrations?" Arthur shoved his crown back from his forehead and stared at his only unmarried son in puzzlement. "Surely you'll be here for the Yule log?"
"Nope. You have Gary and Chrys here with their dynamic duo. And Honey sent a message that they will be traveling down from Hieney Hamlet with the terrible twins and Nanny Anny. Even your sister, Aunt Ling-Ling is planning to come with Merlin. If they're coming, I'm sure that Raulf and Daffodil will show up too. They'll no doubt bring all those kids they adopted after that orphanage burned down. The last I heard, there were what—eight or nine?" Undain shuddered. "No telling who else will arrive unannounced. Too many children, Dad."
"I thought you liked children," Arthur retorted.
"I do. But I like them one or two at a time—not by the dozen!" Undain stomped across the room with growing determination. "We'll be back before the New Year snows." He whisked through the door before his father could think of another objection and ran up the stairs. Time to pack and hit the road before Gary decided to ask him to pick out the Yule tree.
Within the hour, he was roaring down the road to his Tower on the eastern shore astride his power bike. It was the newest experimental model, a Gawaine 3000. He had to admit that there were major advantages to having an inventor in the family.
Now if he and Dennac could find a virgin older than twelve and younger than God, they'd be in business. If she was thirteen or older, they could handfast with her until she was old enough to marry. At least that way, no one would touch her. But he was beginning to think that there were no more virgins on the entire planet of Avalon. And his father refused to change the law to allow him to marry a woman who was just slightly road tested. Arthur was determined that all his children would marry virgins or no one at all. More and more it looked like Undain was going to end up the first male old maid in the family—at least as far as women were concerned.

Hmmm…I wonder what will happen next?

www.amarindajones.com
www.amarindajones.blogspot.com
Go Ahead:Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

Not so secret....

Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking. - Dave Barry

At work they are doing secret Santa – you know – all names go into a hat and you buy a gift for whomever’s name you pull out. This was followed by people running around swapping names as they don’t like this person or that person so it’s not particularly secret because everyone knows who is buying for them. Ah yes, the spirit of xmas. I am an atheist – no conversions please – but I have this strange belief that when I buy gifts it’s because I want to for someone I like or love. Crazy thought I know. No, it’s not a matter of bar humbug. I don’t get all manic over xmas as that would be hypocritical of me to do so – besides I do not need an ‘occasion’ to give something. But, to each their own.

Back to the secret Santa – so everyone now knows, if they did not before, who hates who because of the not-so-secret name swaps. Always good to have that confirmed I guess. We have this woman in the office – she’s in every office all over the world – I think they made duplicates of her – anyway, she busted her arse to be the first to buy a present and put in under the tree. It’s actually a potted palm tree because no one can be bothered doing a xmas tree. Anyway, she carried on like a pork chop about putting her present under the tree – “look at me! I’m the first one! I bought a reallllly great present! They (we all know who it is) will love it!” First up – the person who is getting the present (who does not like her) is screwed because if she doesn’t carry on accordingly we’ll have to listen to the present giver whine and cry – oh trust me, she will – about how she works so hard, how everyone else loves her and no one cares. Correct. No one does care as you are no more special than any other bugger in the office – and no, not everyone loves you - sorry – but true. Second, if you are giving a gift in the so call ‘spirit of giving’ why can’t you do it without all the carry on? Why can’t you place it without fuss or fanfare and let the person be surprised?

How I love the xmas spirit….

I have the most fabulous cover for Prince Vampire – released at Ellora’s Cave 2009 – I just have to wait for the official oakey doakey to show it…but damn, those cover gods do fantastic work.

www.amarindajones.com
www.amarindajones.blogspot.com
Go Ahead:Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

Bizarro world....

I got a surprising email in my inbox yesterday. Would I like to speak at some local libraries about writing romance and how to get into the industry? Bizarro world. Me? A small fish in the huge pond that is romance writing? They wanted local writers – I guess to make those wanting to write realize it’s doable. And it is. Anyone who really wants to write can. And no, despite what some may tell you, there is no mystery in writing. It’s about perseverance and having a thick skin. As I said yes to the offer, I could see my mother – who always told the Jones kids that we were swans and stuff what anyone else thinks – smiling. No, it’s not a huge thing to do but she would be marking down another mark on the chalkboard of karma against the school ‘guidance’ councillor who said – “Mrs Jones your daughter will not amount to much.” Jeez is he ever in trouble when he gets the heaven. Mum will be waiting, no doubt with the glamorous Grandma Elsie – who once told someone who said her child looked pale ‘that it was his royal Viking blood’ - with her list against him. Mum was a quiet, strong, determined woman and no one – no one - spoke ill of her kids. No one messes with the Jones women.

www.amarindajones.com
www.amarindajones.blogspot.com
Go Ahead:Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

Fat fable....

"I look at my thinner self and think, 'how did I let this happen again?'," the talk-show queen says in the article provided early to The Associated Press by Harpo Productions.
"I'm embarrassed," she says.
"I'm mad at myself."
http://au.news.yahoo.com/a/-/newshome/5202642

That’s reportedly what Oprah said. If it’s true then why the hell would you be embarrassed at being human? If you have ever been significantly overweight in your life - and I'm not talking a pound or two - then you know how bloody hard it is to lose weight and then keep it off. It matters not if you're a public figure or Mary Smith down the road. I have always believed that genetically you are screwed when it comes to weight. I have thyroid problem. I know many people have this. I take pills to control it and I have regular blood tests that indicate how much I have to increase the dosage. It's not life threatening. It's just a pain in the arse.

What annoys me is when people make generalizations about people who are overweight. It's like yesterday's blog - scroll down - where the assumption was made that because someone was blonde then they have to be a bimbo. Wrong. Nor is it correct to say that an overweight person is that way because they eat too much or are lazy. Bullshit. There is a cause for everything. Maybe, it's thyroid like me. Maybe someone exercises but their body is just at a point where it says - nope, I like you this way and I don't want you to be a size 2. Maybe instead of me, Oprah and everyone else feeling guilty about eating something 'unhealthy' for a change that we should work on being stronger and healthier rather than some ridiculous size that is perceived as “normal.” Who the hell wants to be normal?

When I was in hospital recently, I was weighed various times, as you are. I think it’s to keep your mind off the paper undies and socks you have to wear for the operation. Anyway, my BMI – not bloody marvellous individual index – was measured. They rated me overweight. Okay…whatever…I had lost a butt load of weight but label it whatever you want I’m still fantastic. When I got to see the anaesthesiologist (jeez that took me forever to spell) he asked me what I weighed. I told him. He said ‘that’s good.’ I said ‘no, apparently I am listed as overweight.’ He said – ‘that’s a load of rubbish.’ See? It’s all bloody subjective. If you are healthy why the hassle with numbers?

So, someone tells you you’re fat. Tell ‘em they smell. If they want you to feel bad, then make ‘em feel bad too. If someone tries to make you feel embarrassed by the way you look, look ‘em in the eye and smile for they will never have the class or beauty you have and you can only feel sorry for people like this. As my best friend Ethel and I often say when dickheads tell us rubbish like this – fuck ’em.

www.amarindajones.com
www.amarindajones.blogspot.com
Go Ahead:Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?