Thursday, 9 August 2007

Here be naked people

Shades of Gray - the blurb
What was supposed to be a power walk through a cemetery turns out to be the best sex of Temperance Larkin’s life. Is having sex in a cemetery with a stranger a bad thing? Is it odd? Is it bizarre? No more bizarre that being accosted by vampires or finding out the guy who was all tight and hot inside you is a cop. Holy crap! What next?

Asher Marriott is a cop haunted by who he is. A horrible twist of fate condemned him to live his life as a vampire. When Temperance walks into his lonely life he begins to hope that all his efforts to change his fate have not been in vain. Is Temperance the sanctuary he craves?

But an old enemy threatens any peace or happiness Asher and Temperance hope to find. It is going to take the combined power of vampires, a witch and one mortal woman with attitude to kick Madigan Ap Lyr’s ass back to hell where he belongs.

I got my latest cover today for Marlow’s Curse today. It’s the sequel to Shades of Gray – a vampire book that is released 6th February. As soon as I get the official oakey doakey I will put the cover on the blog for general squizzing purposes. The cover is hot. I am lucky when it comes to covers. Thank you coverland gods. Anyway I wandered into the local print shop for copies of the cover to send to various computer challenged people who cannot grasp the concept of email. That’s okay. I can’t whistle. We all have limitations. Yes, I talk crap but I like me so that's all that matters…so into the print shop I went to scandalize them with another naked people cover. I think they secretly like it when I wander in with a disc case in my hand. “More naked people?” they ask. This is good sales wise as it instantly attracts attention and people what to know what naked people and what book? What is it about naked people that we find interesting? Is it because we are conditioned by our experiences and are inhibitions rule us? Or are we interested in having a look? Why do some people insist of taking off their clothes to run naked across sporting events for the whole world to see them? Are they drunk as skunks or so they really think we want to see bits dangling?

When I used to do the chambermaid gig in London in my wild youth…still wild just slightly older and more cunning…I used to see a lot of flashers. I’d knock on a hotel door ready to clean, there would be no answer to my loud knocking or shout of ‘chambermaid’ so I would use one of the hotel pass keys to get in and then I would see it. Or him…but usually it first. And usually it was the saddest penis ever seen. I am using penis as some people may find cock vulgar. I can be sensitive. Anyway I have two responses to situations like this. 1. Look the man up and down, shake my head sadly and say “is that it?” 2. Look the man up and down and sigh, look thoughtful and say “Oh Gee, I dont know - I guess 4 out of 10 and 2 of those points are just for the sheer embarrassment factor for you.” Most men learned very quickly from this. Those that didn’t never got clean towels or rooms cleaned until they understood the lesson. Call me old fashioned but I am picky who I see naked and who sees me naked. And trying to shock me with some pathetic raggedly looking lump of skin isn’t going to work so don’t even go there.

So, what is my point? Well it could be that some people should keep their naked selves to themselves. Sex is great, seeing the naked body you want to jump all over and explore is wonderful but seeing one you don’t is crap. If you’ve got it flaunt it isn’t a rule it’s more a good advertising slogan but not to be taken literally. Half naked people on book covers are one thing. Full frontal visual assault is another. So if you are about to drop your strides and flash some unsuspecting woman I suggest you snap out of it and save yourself the embarrassment - we aren't going to be shocked.

Please go to and see where Kelly has taken the Emmeline, peeler, twin serial blog. I don’t usually say this about people I like but I think she is insane. But just keep it between us okay? Click back here on Friday and I hopefully will have some brilliant response other than the one I gave her which started with ‘F’ after I first read her sneak preview of her Thursday blog. And as always Anny - will have the next part on Saturday which will no doubt send it charging back off into some other weird arsed dimension. What can I say? It’s hard being the sane one out of the three of us.
Marlow's Curse - the blurb

Legend has it that if a St Michael witch is not willing no man can take her without suffering the consequences. Sybylla is the last St Michael witch. She knows that when a St Michael witch falls in love her lover becomes her weakness and the witch becomes his downfall. Sybylla will not allow her fate to destroy a man. But some men are hard to resist.

Marlow is not just any man. He is a vampire, cursed centuries ago to wander aimlessly through life believing he does not deserve more. When he meets Sybylla one moonlit night two lonely worlds collide. Marlow is aware of the legend but that doesn’t mean he is going to let a myth get in the way of deep enduring passion.

But Marlow is not the only one who wants Sybylla. A demon pursues her wanting vengeance and Scar will stop at nothing to make her pay. Will Sybylla sacrifice her own future happiness to vanquish the demon and save Marlow? Can a willing witch and a cursed vampire beat the odds?

The results to the latest quiz of the man of your dreams walks into your life - most popular answer - Or yes, you have PMS but he needs to get used to you now if he wants the best sex of his life in the future? It just goes to show we all know we are damn good despite the odd hormonal quirk.


Kelly Kirch said...

Insanity and humor are not the same thing. I suppose I can forgive you for your oversight as you are an Aussie who lives in rain deprived land with weird gossip-potty exterminators and head-thumping skippies. Insane humor, I fully claim. Gotta keep people on their toes. Predictability is so predictable.

anny cook said...

Speaking of inappropriate nudity. I once worked at a fast food place where we had a customer who would order a chocolate shake through the drive-thru. When he arrived at the window to pay (and pick up his shake) he would have his pants unzipped and be on "display". It really upset our younger crew members. After several times, I recognized his I took care of his order next time. Calmly took his order, made his change, and then dumped his shake in his lap.

Let him explain THAT to his wife!

He never came back. I wonder why?