The pen is mightier than the sword...

Have you checked www.annycook.blogspot.com yet to see where out heroine Emmeline is or if the twins are still yellow? Is the virgin still a virgin? And what of first ships mate Reginald? You just know there is a story there. On Monday whizz over to www.kkirch.blogspot.com to see what she does to Floyd Fleetfoot. Can they all survive planet Zork? No, I have not been drinking…yet.

I bought a laptop today. Yes, I know everyone has one – and yes, hasn’t it taken me a while to buy one? However I rarely do anything just because someone else does. There has to be a need. I don’t have cable TV as I don’t have time to watch it. I don’t have a digital camera because that old reliable camera I have works a treat. Like many, I grew up in a household with not much money. I used to think everyone wore second hand clothes and had their black school shoes strapped together with white tape that was painted over black. I had a good childhood without even realising some parts were maybe not so good. But the thing is none of that mattered as I learnt the value of money. I look around at people today and it amazes me how they buy so much useless crap they don’t need because it’s the hot, in thing. Then they usually can’t pay for the hot, in thing and they screw up their credit and then whine about it. I know life is short but why can’t we learn to make do with what we have rather then throwing it away when something better comes along? As my ten year old niece said to me “Money does not grow on trees.” If a ten year old can get it why can’t others?

Okay that whinge over…back to the laptop - anyway after doing my homework (ok I did it at work) on researching laptops on the internet, I hauled my arse into the local shops. I am picky when it comes to sales assistants. I prefer a male if it is a large purchase as you can flirt with a man. Added to that other women are smart and they won’t give you as big a discount for cash because they know you are full of crap and they want to maintain their daily sales. I did the retail gig a couple of times. I know and I respect that. Anyway with that in mind I spotted Rodney. Perfect. Male, computer geek and the type of man that needed to be flattered. I generally start off very dumb in these situations – you know ask lots of questions and get them to give you advice as people, especially men, like to hand out advice. Then I follow this with flattery – “Gosh you are so knowledgeable for your age…ydha, ydah, ydah.” All the way through I flirt nicely. I know every radical feminist would be horrified at my actions but I can’t see why. Women have great power. We should use it in whatever form we have. Don’t tell me the Suffragettes would have knocked back a good cash deal because of some half arsed principle. The bottom line is Rodney felt good about himself and I got the laptop for an excellent price I can afford. It’s a win-win situation.

'Saw Sylvia my Tax Agent today. I walked in to find her and her assistant having one of those low, polite yet strained arguments that people have when they are pissed off but are too polite to say it. No, I never have those arguments. I just say it. Anyway Sylvia was holding her ground and she would not budge and the assistant looked like she would take the matter further if she had to. I was intrigued, sticky beak that I am. What have I walked in on?

Assistant – “I know you have it.”
Sylvia – “I have no idea where it is.”
Assistant – “You know how important it is to me.”

The tension in the room was palpable. I suspected I had walked in on a one of our chocolate bars is missing moments. They can get ugly in offices. Glaring eyes and bared teeth. That or someone had used the last of the milk.

Assistant – “I will report this to head office."
Sylvia – “Are you saying I stole it?”

Ooh what was it? Money? Diamonds?

Assistant - “I brought that blue pen from home.”

What? Blue pen? That’s what this was about?

Sylvia – “You know I only use black pens.”
Assistant – "I will prove someone has taken this pen in this office and you will have to apologise."

For the hour long appointment I had with Sylvia, the assistant searched everywhere for the blue pen. A couple of thoughts came to my mind – first – it’s just a god damn pen – get over it. Second – women in offices are the scariest people in the world. I know, I work in one. As for the pen saga, as I left the assistant was still glaring at Sylvia and I believe this means payback. Come tomorrow, one of Sylvia’s black pens will be missing....an eye for eye. Scary stuff…

Go ahead: Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

www.freewebs.com/janetdavies