Tuesday, 21 August 2007

"I gave myself up so completely to present desires and pleasures that I had no energy to waste on mere wishful thinking." -- Simone de Beauvoir
.......sounds good to me --Amarinda
I exercise every morning. I hate it. I cannot be any plainer about it. Why do I do it? I lost a lot of weight a couple of years ago and I don’t want it finding and reclaiming me as weight is wont to do. I am not going for bodily perfection as I don’t believe it exists and all the airbrushed pictures of models or celebrities are not going to convince me of that. To be honest I don’t understand why people want to look like scrawny blonde air heads or pumped up or sucked in celebrities. Why think “I want to be like that.” Why can’t you just look like yourself? Why do you want to look like a dime a dozen? So what if you have wrinkles and sags and your boobs are too big or small? You are unique. Why swap that for common? So remember you are one of a kind and so go and eat that chocolate then take a walk around the block…it all evens out.

Anyway, a friend of mine who is a fitness freak – yes, it surprises me too that I know someone like this as most of my friends, god love, ‘em worship luxury and cars and your feet are for putting shoes on and not walking unless you have to –she reckons that once you start exercising you get so excited you can’t stop. To the best of my knowledge she is not on drugs but she is odd. And I cannot see how exercise can be addictive. Maybe I just don’t have an addictive personality - unless it’s do with consuming luscious calories. If I did not have to exercise I wouldn’t. I can’t see anything endorphin inducing in sweating away for 30 to 40 minutes a day. I would like to say I am toned and buff but it my case it would be more cream and puff. I know to keep the weight off I will have to exercise for the rest of my life. Thankfully this depressing thought can be drowned by several glasses of plonk (wine) to help make this concept doable.

So off boring exercising and on to the shocking things people do. Just yesterday there was a big to do in Australia about a politician going to a strip club in the US several years ago. Yes, it was a dumb thing to do especially for an aspiring politician. But people do dumb things. I am not about to moralize over someone going to watch a strip show. I went to one once when I was in the US…in Texas. Hello Texas. Great State – could be apart of Oz it’s so good. Anyway it was some free drinks thing in a bar and we wandered as Aussies do when free and drinks are mentioned in the same sentence. It was one of the funniest things I have ever seen. I could not stop laughing. How could you take men dancing around in electric blue g-strings seriously let alone waste cash on them? Yep, they had the bodies but there was no emotion that made them the slightest bit hot or sexy. So yeah the politician did dumb but people do dumber things and will getexcel in dumb better at this as time goes by. Who hasn’t made a mistake? And if you honestly believe you have led a mistake free life – have you really lived at all?

Speaking of living…when we last left the Emmeline saga Rafe and Shade were undergoing some weird arsed or should I say weird phallaxed based transformation into two women called Shadeena and Jenny. Uh huh…. Kelly was a paranoid that I, AJ, would change the whole blog serial by making her last entry into my standard to I don’t want to deal with this AJ dream sequence. So, ever sensitive to my friends’ fears, I, AJ, have not written this Tuesday’s instalment. I have called in…er…my dear friend Ethel to write it. Really, you can check with her. She would never lie. Read on gentle reader…

Emmeline sat up with a start. “Where am I? What are you doing here?” She looked at the faces around her. The last time she saw them it had been at the end of her red humming peeler as she fought the treacherous dogs off as they came at her.

“You hit your head.”

“What?” Emmeline backed away warily. Why was her supposed father Floyd Fleetfoot pretending to look like he cared?

“You fell at the Kings Anniversary ball as you twisted your ankle. You were dancing with the Wardoverian Ambassador.”

Did they think she was stupid? Everyone in 2052 knew Wardoveria did not exist anymore. She looked down at her clothes. A satin dress?

“Calm down darling,” Shade crooned reassuringly.

“Shade? I thought you had been zombie slimed with Rafe and the virgin assassin Rinalda

“Your wife has a vivid imagination,” murmured the large ruddy featured man

“Wife?” She yelped. Was that Reginald sucking his gums at her?

“We have been married over a year.” Shade caressed her hand gently. “Poor darling the pregnancy has been so hard on you.”

“I’m preggers?” She yelled in surprise as she sat up quickly. Something was very wrong here. “Where’s my peeler?”

“Why it’s in the kitchen drawer with the rest of the cooking utensils.”

“Cooking utensils?” Were they mad placing a peeler amongst ordinary metal gadgets? Did they want Armageddon?

“We’ll leave you to rest darling.” Shade leaned in and kissed her brow softly.

Once outside the men looked at each other warily.

“Do you think she bought it?”

“If she hasn’t we’re all dead men.” Shade looked at them significantly. “This is our only chance to take it from her.”

Please read tomorrow to see where this goes next. I expect Anny will have to body pierce someone sooner or later.


Kelly Kirch said...

What happened to keeping it only "slightly" off kilter? You tipped the bucket on its head with this one. My perfectly normal transgender remodel and discovery of the Blue Pen was so tame compared to this. It's up to me and Anny to keep this thing level headed I see.

Anny dear, fix it.

anny cook said...

Meeee? Fix it? What am I, a miracle worker?

Amarinda Jones said...

You are both so full of it and I I don't mean the joy of life.

anny cook said...

But you love us anyway.