Nongs…

Nong = nitwit in Aussie speak…

So this man came into work and scared the crap out of everyone in reception. Did he have a weapon? Only his big, fat mouth. Snap. I have one of those too. Was he deranged? Probably to take me on.

I handle money every day. You pay me, I’ll give you a receipt. Quibble over money with me - just because you can - and don’t have a leg to stand on? You’re going to lose. Upset other women in the office who are just trying to do their job? I don’t think so.

Anyway, I got called out to deal with this prick – er customer - and his money. He was tall, arrogant, built like a brick shit house. Then there’s me – short, broken toe and pissy attitude as I was up to my arse in other work and dealing with this nong wasn’t on my agenda. “Just shut up and pay” is my motto.

His problem? Let’s call him Arnold…he wanted an iron clad guarantee that what he ordered would not be delayed or buggered up. My answer? “Nothing is ever guaranteed in life, Arnold.” He said he wasn’t paying the balance. I said – “it’s pretty simple then - you won’t get the product.” Have you ever noticed when you are having these moments you know people are watching the fireworks but are too scared to come out and stand beside you? Great support huh? Anyway, he rattled on angrily on about integrity, honour, decency, doing the right thing, Batman, apple pie, puppy dogs - I don’t know - I stopped listening after a while - all the time trying to stand over me. I stood, hands on hips, and listened in silence. Silence is an excellent weapon as people run out of steam eventually if no one fights back with them – and when I have my hands on my hips? Watch out - I am immovable.

“So will you guarantee my order?” My answer – ‘Here’s the thing Arnold, no I will not. Stuff happens. No one can guarantee anything in life. It’s madness to do so. You could walk out the door now and drop dead after paying me and there is no guarantee even then that in death your kin will get your product. If you want to go elsewhere – go ahead. If you want to pay and deal with the challenge of all the uncertainties of life then I will take your money.’

He asked my name again. I told him. He thought for a moment then asked would I give him a receipt. Sure? Paying cash? He then started griping on about our 3 day clearance on cheques. “Yes, we have that, Arnold – so what is your decision?” Arnold paid cash. Arnold tried to get a discount using sudden charm. Charm offensive did not work. Arnold paid exact amount owing right down to the last ten cent piece. Why? Because I’m not giving this nong any lee-way whatsoever.

I believe Arnold learned a lesson. Not all women will be cowed by a man and standing over someone just means you are taller and not smarter.

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