Wednesday, 29 July 2009

Ah, love...


AN INDONESIAN cannibal is seeking love, promising his people-eating days are over.
Sumanto, currently residing in rural Central Java, was jailed after he dug up an old woman's body for a "cheap and tasty meal".
"She was delicious," he told AFP from his room at a Muslim mental rehabilitation centre in rural Central Java.
"I love meat... all types of meat as long as it's cooked. But I don't eat people anymore."
But after a lengthy stint in prison, the former farmer now longs for the taste of love.
"What is love? How can I describe it when I've never experienced it, never tasted it?",27574,25808245-401,00.html

Okay – I read this and I suddenly pictured dozens of romance writers banging out a story on their keyboards about cannibal love. We always jump on a new theme or idea. We’ve had zombie romance and every shape-shifter know to man, Neanderthals, gargoyles, robots, mermaids and god-knows-what-else falling in love. It wouldn’t surprise me in the slightest if someone is feverishly writing a cannibal romance right now.

So, this would be the plot of my cannibal romance book – our hero, the reformed cannibal, is working as a chef. He does this due to his love of meat. Our heroine is a waitress. She has a fear of condiments – other than that – she’s a hell of a waitress. One busy night at the restaurant, she rushes into the kitchen with multiple plates, slides on a patch of grease on the floor and falls down. The half empty plates she is carrying, are covered with the remnants of French mustard and a particularly nice garlic vinaigrette salad. They crash onto her breasts and stomach as she is sprawled onto the floor. She screams due to her condiment fear and rips open her blouse to clear the offending spices away. Our hero, the cannibal, races to her aid. He stands for a moment smacking his lips in thought as he salivates over her luscious, spice covered flesh. What does he do? How is he tempted? What will she allow? Will he cure her condiment fear for good? Will there be a ‘help wanted’ sign for a waitress in the restaurant window tomorrow? Oh the culinary tension…

Welcome to

… the sailors of the USS Essex who landed in my hometown of Brizzie. We’re a sleepy little hollow where the native have some odd quirks but we’re basically harmless. And Dr Phil is here next week. I can’t see a bunch of Aussies spilling their guts on all their personal problems without several dozen alcoholic beverages first….
Be an Amarinda book


Anny Cook said...

Damn. That's one I didn't think of!

Sandra Cox said...

I think I prefer vampires:)