Switch Bitch...

I've been doing a bit of switch bitch today. No, it's not some weird sexual practice...well, as far as I know it's not. The receptionist was away this morning so it fell to me - little Miss Multi-tasker to do my job and hers on the switchboard. I'm stupid of course. You should never let people know you can whistle and chew gum at the same time as they assume you can do everything - which I can - I just choose to limit my powers for my own good. And, I can’t whistle…but I can blow excellent bubbles with strawberry bubble gum…can’t do it with any other flavour…

Anyway, so I got stuck doing it – the switchboard that is. If you have every worked a switchboard you will know that most staff will go out of their way not to answer any call put through to them. This attitude doesn’t work with me. If I call your phone you will take the call. You have no choice unless you are on fire and excuses like “I’m busy” don’t cut it with me - and for god sake don’t make me come to your desk like the grim reaper and make you take your phone off ‘busy’ to accept a call. And the old “I wasn’t aware the phone was turned off” story is crap – I perfected that excuse so I ain’t gonna believe it. I just like to stand there, all cool, yet scary looking and say - "Are you doing two jobs at once? No? Well you'll be taking this call then." The only answer to this is “Yes ma'am.” Damn straight. Maybe people can fob off the usual switch bitch but not me. I am the switch bitch from hell. You will take the call.

And then there's the bell out the front people “ding” on reception when no ones around to get attention. Nah, I'm not going to sit out the front to deal with them. It's winter for god sake and you can freeze your tits off out there when the door keeps opening and shutting. And while losing poundage per square inch of boob would be excellent, frostbite isn't. So, like Pavlov’s dog, I wander out when the bell rings. It's usually just signing for stuff and I’ll pretty much sign for anything when I'm at work. No, I have no idea what any of it is. I figure if someone has one of those machines, which are impossibly hard to do a neat signature on, then they must have a clue what they are doing and who am I to question large, oddly shaped packages?

Would I do switch bitch all the time? Oh hell no. it cuts into my writing...I mean work time…that’s right – work time - and people ask you technical questions and you have to sound like you know what you’re talking about. While I can make up any story you like, probably at work I’m thinking you should stick to the technical facts - and to be honest - I'm about as technical as I am a natural blonde. Someone asked me about how to measure a hole in the wall today. I suggested using a tape measure but beyond that – stuffed it I know.

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