Find me a door…

I had to do this test today. Like anyone with any brains at all I try to avoid tests. Why? Because tests are pukeable. For example the Trade Practices test at work is beyond puekable. It’s all about ethics. I’m 45 years of age. I’m not about to learn ethics now for god sake. It’s too late for me. Bad behaviour is a way of life for me now. Thankfully, due to said badness, I have worked out how to cheat on this ethics test. No, you’re right. It’s probably not ethical but did I mention the bit about me being bad?

Anyway, the test I did today at the gym has a lovely name. Its call the skin fold test. There’s no way you can cheat on that sucker. It’s all about pulling at your flab with these pinchers and measuring the density of said flab. Lovely. This is when you find out if all that running up hill, boxing, lifting weights, jumping (I hate jumping – it’s the boob issue), lunging, squatting, losing oxygen flow, aches, pains, sweating buckets and profusely swearing at the gym has all been worth it.

So Hugh – my trainer - and I went into this little room and measured my fat. I have to say I like a man who can make a woman feel totally at ease with her body in a situation like that. I say we clone Hugh. One for every woman. He’s adorable – young – but adorable. Anyway, after picking up layers of my fat with his pinchers and some quick calculations Hugh was beyond happy. Actually I think he was happier than me if his dance of joy was anything to go by. I have lost 15% body fat. I’m happy with that. I worked for that. I deserve that.

Hugh instantly wanted to take a picture of the two of us together to put on the wall at the gym as I was his only client who had lost that much fat. I am all arse kicking muscle. Anyway, I declined the photo for now. Why? Nah, I’m not vain. I am what I am but at that point I had spent an hour sweating heavily with Hugh and my hair was plastered to my skull, my face was red and my shirt was drenched with sweat. “You’re such a girly-girl,” he said. Yeah – what of it? So I have promised Hugh we will have a photo on the board. I’m not into photos per se but I realize it’s more important to him than me as it shows other people how he can torture, I mean train people, into achieving.

So, I’m pretty kick-a-door-in damn fit. I have the steel toe capped boots at work…just got to find me a door to kick in.

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