Lover don’t come back…

I had a break from writing for a couple of weeks but now I’m back. Pyjamas - check. Popcorn – check. Phone on messagebank – check. Coffee in favourite mug with broken handle – check. I’m good to go. So, I’m writing about werewolves. Why? Oh, who knows? ‘Just one of those thoughts that came to me at the traffic lights on the way to work. I have an almost mentor – probably mental - relationship with traffic lights. The light turns red and I stare into space and think up wise thoughts like – must buy tomatoes - do I have petrol for the mower - write about werewolves - pay phone bill. It’s all pretty logical when you think about it.

Anyway, I have been trying to think up acts of revenge that my heroine can do to her ex-lover. I have had input from friends but to be honest their stories and suggestions are pretty damn scary. Who are these people? I know now I must never upset any of them because they are nuts. In the end, I settled on something simple and silly that the heroine gets talked out of...or does she? It will depend on how I feel towards the end of the book. It’s a mood thing. But all this talk of revenge from scary-arsed friends, made me realize how many people I know who have got even or tried to - some of their schemes were insane, doomed to fail, illegal – get revenge on ex-lovers or who have been the target themselves. So, why do we do the whole revenge on an ex-partner thing? Because its fun…no, wait, that’s probably the wrong answer. Um…actually it’s just better to wave bye-bye to an idiot and thank god he or she is gone from your life. While I am a Scorpio and I do understand revenge very well, there is a time and place and wasting more energy on a doomed or finished relationship is a waste of time - but in saying that things like wishing his penis falls off or he grows hair on his eye balls or he suddenly gets drunk and comes homes with a tattoo on his forehead indicating he’ll bonk feral biker dudes for free is acceptable. That’s not revenge. That’s creativity and completely different because it involves wishing. You can’t be sued for wishful thinking can you?

I had a squiz on the internet to see what people did as lover revenge. In no way, shape or form am I advocating anyone doing any of these things. But it does make you wonder how some people’s minds work.

- Sending dead animal parts to your ex as a gift
- Carving your name into his car with an axe
- Selling his used condoms, with his photo, on Ebay
- Anonymous embarrassing emails to everyone that he/she knows
- Selling intimate photos of your lover with a list of every sexual inadequacy he has.
- Cutting up his clothes
- Painting his carpet bright orange

…and the ideas go on and on and way sicker than what I have listed. Best revenge? Well, it's the old adage of living well and being successful and making sure the person who hurt you knows how fabulous you are – because you are – ‘cause you got rid of them.

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