Sunday, 28 June 2009

Stupid Cupid...

I went and did something really stupid – something I swore I would not do. I went and fell in love. Head slap – idiot – fool – moron - twit. It was something I was determined not to do because I was aiming for lust – lust is simpler than love. Lust requires no deep thought. It’s just about desire and need and the fulfillment of it. So, lust was my plan – just get involved to a point then back that hell away. Don’t you just love half-arsed plans? Anyway, somewhere along the line the plan went skew-iff and I started to have these weird feelings for this man. It was my own fault really. You start exchanging life stories and telling each other personal things you’ve never told another soul because you feel this safety in spilling your guts. I think that’s where the love bit started. The gut spilling. It’s really quite pathetic when I think about it. Just because you share intimate stuff doesn’t mean love. It’s sort of like the common cold. If you share that with someone it doesn’t mean romance does it? It just means one of you is germy and you make the other all hot and achy and feeling rotten.

I have this terrible habit of thinking too much. It messes everything up because when I think I want more and better and I realize stuff that’s just not right – and then I start thinking why am I putting myself through something that is probably not going to work out? How do you know it’s not going to work out? Well, you don’t until your brain finally kicks in and starts analyzing what’s going on. The whole thinking thing is actually good, despite what anyone tells you. It’s your brain’s way of smacking sense into your heart. If you let your heart take control god knows where you would end up.

So, while I know that the old adage of opposites attracting is true, the rest of is just crap. Some people can’t be together for many reasons and why you even bother trying in any form in the first place is completely beyond me but it’s probably that whole being a human thing. We just can’t help throwing ourselves into madness and danger can we? Dumb. Needless to say I am NEVER going there or even close to it again. I believe I would rather stick a needle in my eye.

Why am I telling you this? You know, I wasn’t going to but I just needed to say it out loud and move on and stop all the wanting to do all this emotional stuff like the burst into tears shit. I’m not a crier by nature but I have been quite pathetic and I have decided it must stop. It’s not me. I’m not emotional and I hate being so. So I am officially over it. I feel better for saying it out loud.

Love is a germ. Wash your hands, cover your mouth and
back away the hell away.

Fuck off Cupid.
Be an Amarinda book


Anny Cook said...

On the other hand... it might have worked out. How will you know now?

Amarinda Jones said...

It no longer matters