Friday, 7 December 2007

Hallelujah and pass the gin it's Friday...

Okay so yesterday I reported how un-Christmas-like I am. I have managed to get the bloody Christmas song out of my head now so that’s good. Play a Pink CD and that guarantees no more carols. You end up singing “I’m not here for your entertainment…you don’t really want to mess with me tonight.” That’s much more an Amarinda song. Anyway back to Christmas. I do write messy handwritten cards with obscure things only the person getting them would ever understand. If someone opened them by mistake that would think "what is this woman rabbiting on about?” I plan on writing some tomorrow. I don’t do the whole present thing as I think Christmas is way too commercial and being an atheist it seems a little hypocritical to be running around celebrating something you don’t believe in. Please - no conversions. And then there’s the fact that I suck at wrapping presents. I have no patience. I usually give people things in the bag I bought it in. It’s become a tradition people expect from me. “Ooh look, a Target bag!” So there it is…I am a Christmas free zone. I like it only because it means time off work and you have to like that.

Speaking of all things crap filled – work – as you may know I quit my job. I feel great about it. Yeah, I am odd leaving one job without another in waiting but just knowing I do not have to turn up at the hall of wankerdom every day is excellent. Did I get a going away gift? Well, gee, no…funny about that. Did anyone give a rat’s arse? Only the clients I deal with cared. They were upset. That was nice…not that they were upset but that they generally liked me personally and professionally. I did have a knock-down-drag-em-out fight over my pay being totally frigging wrong and "bloody fix this now!" They had another two attempts at fixing it before they got in right. Absolute wankers. What did I say as I walked out? I looked the men up and down, shook my head and say - "It's been a truly lousy experience - bye" and left. Ethel (best friend) and I have a list we call the “fuck em’ list.” It’s a pretty full list of people who have pissed us off. I have added the hall of wankerdom to it. She agreed we definitely had to make space for them. So I am free.

On Kelly left us with…

The were bunny pointed like an Irish Setter. In disbelief, Emmeline watched as a giant kangaroo sprang toward her. It approached, reached in its pouch and pulled out the Jeweled Electro-peeler two thousand 8.93. She was saved!

Until the Roo leveled the device on her and cackled maniacally. "I've waited a long time for this, wench!"

Sheer madness of course…I’m going with the more sedate…

Emmeline held her hands up in surrender. So this was the end. Well, so be it. She had a good…er, odd life. It seemed strangely fitting to die at the hands of a kangaroo with a peeler in its paw. “Get it over and done with.” Emmeline gritted her teeth and faced her demise.

Aren’t you at least going to plead for your life?”

“Would it do any good?”

“Maybe.” He shrugged as he twirled the peeler casually.

“Do I know you?” There was something strangely familiar about his voice – nasal and annoying.

“We were a high school together,” he said eagerly as if pleased she recognized him.

“I went to high school with a kangaroo?” Well sure, why not, she married a man that turned in a donkey. “I know I was taking a lot of sinus tablets at one stage as a teenager but…” She watched as the kangaroo placed the peeler on the ground and unzipped the roo suit. It was Wendell. W. Wagstaff, the school dweeb.

“I just wanted to freak you out, Em.”

Emmeline looked at the pirate outfit under his suit. She charged towards him and slapped him on the chest. “What the hell is this about?”

“I’ve been monitoring your activities.”

Great, another weirdo in her life. “Why?”

“There is a great Armada amassing in Belching Beelzebub’s Bay. We need your help with the Captain.”

Emmeline narrowed her eyes. She knew only one Captain and she would rather eat dirt than get involved with Jack again. “Nuh uh…”

What will Anny do tomorrow on Your guess is as good as mine

Five Fast ones with author Kelly Kirch

Where is the fantastic new cover for Kelly Kirch’s long awaited book? Well, like all fantastic things suspense makes them all the more fantastic-er…fantastic-ful…oh, you know what I mean. It will be real purty when it arrives. In the interim – here is a picture of Captain Jack Sparrow. He looks a lot like Kelly. Okay he doesn’t, I am just following the Captain Jack theme.

1. What star sign are you? Name one fabulous characteristic of this sign.

Aries. The head butting thing because people who piss you off do not actually expect you to ram them. Their expressions are priceless.

2.Aliens surround your house during your favourite TV show. You are in grave danger. Do you turn up the sound? Grab your laptop and start taking notes for your next book? Or do you turn off the lights and pretend you’re not at home? Or none of the above?

I DVR-pause the show long enough to send them a withering glare, send them off to clean their rooms and tell them this is my time, piss off until the credits roll.

3. My favourite food is….because….

Never the same week to week because I latch on to a new favorite and do it to death until the next one hits. Last week it was tuna, week before sushi, this week brown bread. Don’t judge.

4. If I was in charge of the world I would….

Mandate the purchase of my books for leisure reading then hand the keys to someone more politically minded.

5. Name your special talent.

Faking it. Not just one particular type of “it” but all “it”s out there that I’d otherwise rather not be doing. At a party having fun? I could be faking it, you’d never know. Playing dumb with wide Bambi eyes? Faking it. It’s a gift.

Time For Love – released February 14th, the perfect Valentine's gift, but in the meanwhile check out and leave obscure messages on

The Blurb

Sarah Hanson opens her eyes to a sexy man leaning over her and the strains of a waltz playing in the background. Further, she is no longer dozing in the taxi that escorts her from the job where she was just fired but inhaling the strong scent of beeswax and dressed in Regency era clothing.

Lord Drake Hayworth, rake extraordinaire, is unable to reconcile his sudden attraction to the shelved miss who is meant to chaperone the daughter of a dear friend. Different from every other female he has known, he is keenly aware of the differences between her and his new fiancé--the young woman Sarah escorts.

As Sarah develops lasting relationships, she discovers the unconditional love of family and a passion for a man she is not meant to have, in a time she may not be able to keep. And for Drake, finding a pliable bride to marry so he can claim the last of his inheritance has become decidedly more difficult now that Sarah has turned his ordered life on its head.

12 Days of Romance

Do you want to win some fantastic holiday reading? Of course you do. If so come celebrate the Twelve days of Romance with 12 authors from Ellora's Cave, Wild Rose Press, Total-E-Bound and Cerridwen Press. Each day beginning December 8th and running through December 19th one of the twelve authors will tell what their "True love gave to them" on either their blog or website.

Collect all twelve answers and e-mail them to with 12 days of Romance in the subject line to win some great books. There will be three lucky winners. The prizes –1st prize--6 books2nd prize--4 books3rd prize--2 booksAll books and prize winners will be drawn randomly

Anny Cook Winter Hearts
Sandra Cox Boji Stones
Bronwyn Green Ronan's Grail
Heather Hiestand Cards Never Lie
Barbara Huffert Deal of a Lifetime
Amarinda Jones Mad About Mirabelle
Kelly Kirch Time for Love
Cindy Spencer Pape Cowboy's Christmas Bride
Brynn Paulin Fallen
Jacquéline Roth Access Denied
KZ Snow Mrs. Claws
Lacey Thorn Earth Moves

All answers must be received no later than the stroke of midnight 21st December (Northern hemisphere time) or worlds collide and you don’t want to be responsible for that now do you?
Go ahead: Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?


Kelly Kirch said...

Fantastic triubute to the Jacks. But you missed one, Jack Daniels and considering his ability to provide bravery where there is none, he qualifies as a Captain in my mind.

But BOY am I pissed that Torchwood Cpt Jack doesn't bat for my team. The things that mouth could do...

Anny Cook said...

Captain Jack, eh? This ought to be good as I don't know any of them... a true "wing it" exercise. Glad your time at that job is finally over. Yay!

Molly Daniels said...

Love Kelly's answers! If aliens showed up during Survivor, I'd probably hit the DVR and tell them to shut up until after Tribal Council!

Amarinda Jones said...

yes, sadly the good ones are gay.

Bronwyn's Blog said...

I'm celebrating your freedom from the hall of wankerdom.