Tuesday, 4 December 2007

Smart Women….

Coming soon to a blog near you…

12 day of Romance competition….what is that you ask? It’s a fantastic Christmas competition starting on the 8th December. Will it change your life forever? Maybe, maybe not. Does your life need changing? Want to talk about it? What’s that? Shut up and tell me what the competition is about? Sure. I like decisive people. With this awe inspiring competition - am I building it up enough? - you have the chance to win some excellent hot, romantic reading for over the holidays. Bloody hell you say…okay maybe you wouldn’t say that if you weren’t an Aussie – but I bet you are now saying – Amarinda, how do I win me some books? Well, all I will say is keep checking this blog for further details. All will be revealed in the coming days. Don’t you just love suspense? Okay, well I do and it’s my blog and I’ll suspend if I want to…

“I will waffle on your ability to relate on all levels black - white - penis - no penis.” Best friend Ethel when discussing what to say if someone rings her about me on a referee check.

Anny, Kelly and I were discussing the use of the word 'penis' and how many times I had said it on the blog. Yes, that’s what romance writers talk about. No, we are relatively normal most days. Anyway, I don't get why people have a problem with this word. We need to get over. It's a body part like a foot or an ear. I read books where writers call a penis a 'love muscle' or a' weapon.' Oh puh-lease. That’s acceptable? If so keep your weapon to yourself, Sonny Jim. Do we call a foot an earth platform or an ear an hearing shell? No we bloody don’t.

On to non-penial things…Swift tof Heart review...

Swift of Heart is a suspenseful romance with a little dimensional travel thrown in. It is not very often that you find an author not only willing to write about a woman who is not a size 6, but who is smart, opinionated and not afraid to show those opinions. I found myself enchanted with Stephanie Hart from the beginning of the book and that thought didn’t change as the story progressed. Ms. Davies did a wonderful job in setting up the premise for the story as well as giving the reader a look into the minds of both main characters. I was almost disappointed when the story was finished, as I had grown to enjoy the characters that much. Then I saw that there is a follow up book and I am now rushing out to get it. I have to say that Swift of Heart is one Recommended Read you won’t want to miss

See? Women who are not size six are smart and can rule the world or have the man they want if they choose to. So, what’s stopping you? Stuff conformity. Go for it.

On Kelly left us with…

"First, you are wearing slippers, not laced shoes. So you are a klutz and that's a problem I cannot fix. Secondly, I hate Pinochle. I will play cards with you but it must be Gin Rummy and only for a wager." Emmeline's eyes twinkled with an idea.

"A wager, you say?"

"A wager. The winner gets a prize and the loser must hand it over. And I want......"

Hmmmm… I’m going with…


She swung around to check out the interruption. She looked at the donkey that Yum Cha had arrived on. “Are you talking to me, fleabag?”

“It’s me, Zoltan

“What?” Didn’t she have enough to deal with without talking donkeys?

“What is this wager?” Yum Cha barked out at her.

Emmeline held her hand up. “A moment please, old and slimy.”

“Bah! Women.” He stomped off to his men.

“Wanker.” She turned back to the donkey.

“He’s dangerous Emmeline.”

“Who are you?” Was this her life? Talking to donkeys and hanging out with people named after banquets?


Emmeline snorted. “He was squished as flat as a pancake.”

“No, I telepathically transported my soul to another living object,” the donkey explained.

“Uh huh…” Whatever. I need to take up knitting or something less stressful.

“Emmeline the sceptical,” the donkey sighed. “Remember on our honeymoon when I tied you naked to the tree outside our suite and then I placed big blue inside….

Emmeline’s eyes widened in shock. “You can’t be…”

“….then I licked you all over while you…”

“Fuck! You’re alive!” She stamped her foot. “Geeze will I never get rid of you?”

“You love me,” Zoltan the donkey grinned at her knowingly.

“Like a dagger in the heart.”

“Jump on me we need to get out of here.” He looked around warily.

“On you?”

“You’ve ridden me before, baby. Besides this is another kind of danger you have to worry about.”

“I’m bloody sick of being in danger,” Emmeline muttered.

“Uh oh…”

“Uh oh what?” She turned and saw the most chilling sight she had ever seen.

Yes, I brought Zoltan back…what will Anny do with a talking donkey and what is the ‘chilling sight???’ Check out tomorrow.

Five fast ones with author Barbara Huffert

1. What star sign are you? Name one fabulous characteristic of this sign.

Leo. Being innately curious. See? I’m a Leo…I don’t have a choice in the matter!

2. Aliens surround your house during your favourite TV show. You are in grave danger. Do you turn up the sound? Grab your laptop and start taking notes for your next book? Or do you turn off the lights and pretend you’re not at home? Or none of the above?

Well, since my favourite show is Torchwood I’d invite them in and take notes. Hopefully the producers would then let me write an episode for the next season.

3. My favourite food is….because….

Black olives because they’re the perfect portable snack…you can stick one on each finger and take them with you.

4. If I was in charge of the world I would….

Make all males recognize my friends and I for the Goddesses we are. Once that happened they’d be too busy serving us and have no time left over for wars.

5. Name your special talent.

Being able to make lost things appear just by muttering a few secret magical words.

Deal of a Lifetime - Barbara Huffert - click on the cover to buy

Annette thought she had the perfect solution to prevent what was meant to be a pleasant anniversary celebration from deteriorating into a never-ending lecture from her older sister on the sub-standard status of her entire life. Inventing a fictitious boyfriend, reportedly detained in an unavoidable, albeit imaginary business meeting, seemed like a harmless fib if telling it would ensure a festive evening. She even had a plan to cover his exit from her life later on.

Rich’s estranged wife had gone too far this time and he’d had enough. He had no clue what setting him up as another woman’s date for an evening of drinks, dinner, and theater with the woman’s family was supposed to accomplish but he was determined to find out. When his new better half didn’t so much as blink at his unexpected arrival he decided right then and there that he wasn’t letting her out of his sight. He’d play his role of escort to the hilt to get to the bottom of it even if he had to tie her to the bed and seduce the answers out of her once the other couple said goodnight.
Go ahead: Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?


Brynn Paulin said...

Reminds me of my mother-in-law. The first time my son said penis she called me on the phone and said "I don't know WHERE he heard that!" I replied, "Probably from me. That's what WE call it since that's what it is." Yeah, I lost a few daughter-in-law points. Rats *eyeroll*

Molly Daniels said...

I can't wait to read Barb's book:)

Great review:)

Anny Cook said...

A donkey? A donkey!@!# Well, I can deal with it. Yes, I can deal.

Bronwyn's Blog said...

My day job is taking care of kids. Sometimes, like today it sucks. A lot. Sometimes, it's awesome.

Awesome would be one summer, about six years ago when then 3 year old B was in McDonald's with her Dad and as they're standing at the register, B announces in a loud voice, "I want a penis! I don't want to sit and pee, I want to STAND UP. I NEED a penis! Penis, penis, penis!"

He was of course mortified because she said *that word* and wanted to know where she'd learned it. Considering I was simultaneously potty training my kid and his, I thought it should all be pretty obvious.

B's mom thought it was hysterical. But alas, he didn't speak to me for about a month. Naturally, I was crushed.

Kelly Kirch said...

Ha!!! As I tap along my keyboard with my deca-apendages skimming, my oraface gaps and my diaphram convulses. Thanks for the chuckles.

Barb, love the olive comment. Not a fan, but give me bugles for the same reason. Another Torchwood fan!! Woo Hoo. Soon all the world will know of this awesome show. I still say they could make a drinking game on the number of times people snog on screen.

Penis Penis Penis! That's better than my daughter announcing how much she loved my "cool black panties" and then started to sing about them at the top of her lungs. The snickers outside my stall were all the more entertaining when I opened the door to see three ladies with their legs crossed trying not to wet. Ah children.

Sandra Cox said...

Excellent Review!!!!
Besides another good blog:)

Jacquéline_Roth said...

I think the best I ever heard was "man-root" and "seed sack" for the scrotum. We actually had a Newbery award winning children's book "The Higher Power of Lucky" challenged all across the country because it contained the shockingly horrifying word scrotum. A farmer was telling another man that a snake had bitten his dog on the scrotum. Why is it an issue when we use the correct words for thing?