Thursday, 20 December 2007

When a reindeer is a moose...

Another Mad about Mirabelle moment…

“What are you doing here? This is a ladies’ change room.”
He pushed the curtain aside and stepped inside carrying a shopping bag with the department store logo on it.
“I wanted to see my lady.”
Okay that was sweet.
“What’s in the bag?’ The change cubicle seemed awfully small with Flynn Curtis suddenly in it.
Flynn tapped the bag lightly and smiled.
“Just something for later.” He dropped it on the floor and let his eyes roam Mirabelle’s scantily clad body.
Mirabelle stuck her head outside and looked around. No one was about. She ducked inside and pulled the curtain closed.
“You’re not supposed to be in here, limo man.” Mirabelle had a feeling Flynn did a lot of stuff he wasn’t supposed to. But then that’s what made him so wonderfully, wickedly different.
“Why not?”
“It’s a dressing room.”
Flynn moved in closer to Mirabelle.
“Okay so take off your bra and panties.”
Just the way he said it in that husky tone made Mirabelle hot all over.
“I said “dressing” not undressing room.”

Oh Rudolph…

A- I have to tell you Rudolph you look nothing like your pictures. I wasn’t aware you smoked cigars.
R –I only do it when I drink, babe.
A – I see – is that how you got the red nose? Drinking…what is that in you hoof? A margarita?
R – Yeah and the nose is a fake. It’s plastic.
A- That’s so tacky
R – Its show business, babe. We use it to draw the punters in. They ‘ooh’ and ‘ahh’ over the cuteness of it. Talk about dumb.
A- So essentially your whole persona is a lie
R – Yeah and I’m actually a moose not a reindeer
A – What? You’re a moose?
R – Reindeer aren’t sexy. It’s all about the length of antler, babe – you know that.
A - Don’t you feel bad about misleading the public with this deception?
R – No because people want to believe a shiny, red nosed animal is relied on by the fat guy to pull a sleigh. They want to believe in magic. It’s all a load of crap but it keeps me in Tequila.
A – Is there nothing magical about you?
R – I can waggle my ears and I can write my name in the snow when I pee. Wanna’ watch?

A – Ah no…what about the other reindeer?
R – They’re just jealous. None of them have their name in a song. It’s not my problem if they can’t market themselves effectively.
A – So just what do you get out of this?
R- That I can’t discuss that, babe. I am bound by my contract to Santa Claus Inc. But I will say the ladies love me.

A – So does Christmas mean anything to you?
R – Hell yeah, the cuter I am the more money I make.
A – You’re a soulless bastard aren’t you?
R- Someone has to be, babe.
A - Are any of your intentions honourable?
R – I always buy a lady dinner before we get down to business…
A – On that pukeable note – anything you’d like to say to the innocent children who believe in Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer…I mean moose?
R – My new breakfast cereal – Rudolph Sugar Puffs is out now. Get your parents to buy it and they’ll get $1.99 off their next Tequila purchase at participating liquor stores.
A – Rudolph – you are a wanker
R – Here’s my number, babe – call me. I like feisty women

Tomorrow – the big man himself comes clean about his part in Christmas.

Speaking of all things Christmassy, I was walking through a shopping centre today and I saw Santa and a female elf -why are they always female, young and in short skirted costumes? Anyway they were walking towards me. The elf bimbette said to Santa – ‘the kids come up one at a time – they get a couple of minutes each with you. Nod and smile, the photo will be taken and then give them one of these.’ She handed him a big bag of something – probably lollies (candy). ‘Then get the kid off your knee and get the next one on.’ As I passed, Santa looked to me to be about twenty years old. The whole thing struck me as rather tacky but then that’s what people apparently want for Christmas.

This reminded me of when I used to work for a famous fast food chain after school and on the weekends when I was a teenager. I used to get stuck with doing the kids birthday parties. Was it because I was good with kids? No…hell no. It was because I could do a birthday party in forty-five minutes – presents, toys, games, food, ice-cream cake, sing, get them to pay, get out – and then get the next lot in. Sometimes happiness is manufactured on the production line.

Kelly has the blog serial on As for Anny, I’m not sure what she’ll have on as she has been busy making slippers…so check ‘em both out.

If you are thinking of entering our 12 Days of Romance comp – entries close on midnight 21st December. So you have time to enter if you haven’t had a chance to see email yet. See below for more details.

Good news – Tim Tams were on sale at the supermarket today
Bad news – does anyone know where my other red earring is?
Go ahead: Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?


Brynn Paulin said...

The true Rudolph revealed. Thanks for that entertaining and enlightening interview AJ.

Kelly Kirch said...

Ah the meat and bones of the issue. A moose!!! Well that explains the long shapely legs and the deep brown eyes. It also explains why my plants are slobbery Christmas morning.

Anny Cook said...

Loved the interview. Now I'll have to get up extra early tomorrow morning so I can read Santa's interview before I hit the road! Ahh, the reality of it all. Thank you for making my day!

barbara huffert said...

Ah ha, always thought there was something suspicious about Rudolph!

Your earring is wherever you opened the box of Tim Tams.

Sandra Cox said...

I noticed you managed to get pukeable in there:)
I got my brother a t shirt one year for Christmas with that pic of Rudolph and the mounted deer heads. Disgusting but funny.